And I See You, I Do - henry_amargosa (2024)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Christian McBride’s tie felt restrictive around his throat. He wasn’t used to wearing one at work, so it was only fancy occasions like today that he donned the colorful fabric. Using his reflection in the driver’s window of his car, Christian adjusted it as best he could, trying to find a sweet spot between looking crisp and not being too tight. Finally, he resigned himself to feeling like he was choking for the next few hours, and turned to walk down the path.

Nick Nelson and Charlie Spring were getting married today. The ceremony was taking place outdoors, in a local park not too far from where they had all grown up. Of course, Christian was extremely happy for his friends. He’d known back in sixth form they’d end up at the altar someday, their sickening love for one another seemingly indestructible. He’d been Nick’s friend first, rugby lads together, but he and some of the others eventually became friends with Charlie as well.

He could hardly believe it had been more than a decade since scrawny little Charlie had joined the rugby team. Christian felt a pang of regret, as he did from time to time, thinking about some of the stupid remarks he had made about Charlie at first. Christian had long ago made amends to both men and counted Charlie directly as a friend, and he had done his best to be an ally in the years since, pushing back against the casual hom*ophobia that was all too rampant in certain circles.

So, yes, Christian was beyond chuffed to watch his mates finally tie the knot.

But turning a corner on the path and seeing a trellis set up in front of a sea of folding chairs provided a separate, unwelcome reminder for Christian.

His own marriage. Or rather, the tatters remaining.

During his third year at Durham, Christian had met Charlotte. During uni, he had dated a little, screwed around a little, but Charlotte was different. Christian fell in love. It took him by surprise, if he was honest with himself, but there it was: Love. They met through mutual friends at one of those parties where everyone tried to say something smart about Proust or whatever before getting absolutely hammered. She came to cheer at his next rugby match. He hummed appropriately at her sculptures in the student art exhibition.

They’d stayed in the north after graduation, moving in together as they got jobs and entered adulthood. Christian proposed after a year of living together. He knew they were young, but he felt it was time to take the next step in life and he and Charlotte were in love.

Or at least, Christian was in love. After a couple of years of marriage, Christian finally realized something was off kilter in his relationship. Charlotte was spending a lot less time with him and a lot more time off with her friends, be it weeknight drinks or weekend getaways. Sometimes he didn’t even know where his wife was. Christian tried to be more attentive, to participate in her social life, but it only ever pushed her away even more. Six months with a couples counselor revealed the underlying rot: Charlotte didn’t want to be married. There wasn’t anyone else, but she had come to feel that she had married too young, before she was ready, before she understood what that meant. And to a man she ultimately found she liked but didn’t truly love.

Christian had tried to face the complete implosion of his marriage with dignity, but rarely did he find a shred left. He felt like a fool. He really did love Charlotte, but it turned out that wasn’t enough to make her love him back, no matter how hard he tried or how much he changed. There was no iteration of Christian that she wanted to love. That had… hurt.

Finally looking away from the trellis, Christian sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. Today wasn’t about how his own life had crashed and burned spectacularly. It was about Nick and Charlie. Now that was real, lasting love. God, Christian wanted that. But he had no idea how to find it.

“Christian! Chris! Over here.”

It was the voice of Sai Verma, another old rugby lad friend. Christian looked up and saw him dressed in a nice navy blue suit with a pink bow tie, standing huddled with Otis Smith, who was locked arm in arm with a beautiful woman in a slinky green dress he knew from Facebook photos to be Otis’s girlfriend, Aoife.

Otis looked much the same as he did at Truham, still shorter than both Christian and Sai by an inch or so, his hair still grown out. For a second, Christian thought Sai looked basically the same as well, thanks to the big, thick, dark-rimmed glasses that framed his handsome face. But, Christian noticed a second later, Sai had changed his hair since the last time he had seen him. Gone was the swept-forward style that had obscured Sai’s forehead since sixth form. In its place was a longer style that swept up and back a bit, parted on the side — not unlike Nick’s, although Sai’s hair was wavier than Nick’s straight follicles, giving him a little more volume. Christian had to admit… the look worked. Sai really looked like a man, Christian thought, no longer like his pimple-faced school chum.

Truth be told, Christian had been consciously avoiding seeing his oldest friends since he moved back to his parents’ home a few months prior. As much as they had helped him and supported him when they were trying to work through their marriage, Christian had hesitated to tell them that he and Charlotte had separated, and again when they were formally in divorce proceedings, a legal process that was dragging on seemingly forever, even though it was uncontested. Something about admitting those things to the lads meant admitting defeat. He, Otis, Sai and Nick all played “Call of Duty” together sometimes, which while he’d lived in Durham had been his primary lifeline back to his friends — particularly for the big stuff he couldn’t just drop in the group chat, even if a first-person shooter video game maybe wasn’t the optimal place to unload his marital troubles.

The others had been unfailingly supportive and understanding, even if Christian hadn’t really shared many details. They had all been at his wedding, of course; Sai had been Christian’s best man, even. Now, here they stood beside him again, metaphorically, anyway, at the end of it all. He knew he was fortunate to have such unflinching mates, ones who knew when to rib and when to be silent.

But he also didn’t much look forward to facing them in person, something Nick’s wedding had thrust upon him. He really didn’t want to talk about it that day, and could only hope the others would perceive that.

“All right, boys?” he asked as he approached.

“Yeah, all right,” Sai said, pulling Christian into a hug that must have lasted ten seconds. Christian hoped Sai wasn’t about to start about Charlotte, but he let go and stepped back quietly to allow in Otis, who gave Christian a more laddish side hug.

“Christian, this is Aoife,” Otis said, waving at the gorgeous woman beside him.

“Finally we meet,” Christian said, reaching out to shake her hand. “Otis has been absolutely gushing about you on COD for what, six months now?”

“And he’s told me all about you,” she said with her Irish lilt.

“Don’t believe a word of it,” Christian shot back with his trademark smirk.

“Even the story about that goat and the girl from Glasgow?”

“See, there you go — the goat was from Glasgow, the girl was from Swansea,” he said, making them all chuckle.

“So where have you been hiding since you moved back?” Otis asked.

“Yeah, we’ve missed you,” chimed in Sai.

“Well, you know, it’s been busy with the move and the new job,” Christian mumbled, one hand raised to the back of his neck. “And being around my parents again… I don’t know, just feels weird to say I’m headed out to get sloshed with my mates, y’know?”

“Fair enough,” Aoife replied. “I lived with my parents for a year after uni and felt like a Year 9 again!”

“That’s it, we’re doing a hang,” Otis interjected. “Next Saturday, I’ll text you all the details.”

Christian hesitated, but ultimately decided maybe getting out of the cramped bedroom in his parents’ house would improve his disposition. He couldn’t ignore his friends forever now that he lived in the same town again.

Someone made an announcement to take their seats, and the four of them ambled over to a middle row. As they settled in for the ceremony, Christian realized Sai apparently was flying solo. “Are you here alone?” he asked quietly.

Sai looked down before answering. “Er, yeah. I’m not seeing anyone right now and trying to scrounge up a date just didn’t seem worth it.”

“Yeah, I get that. Normally I’d say to take a shot at one of the bridesmaids, except I know for a fact that these ones are all taken and/or lesbians.”

Sai chuckled beside him, and then the music started, so they turned to face forward and watch Nick and Charlie get married. And anyone who may have seen a tear in Christian’s eye that day probably thought he was just another secret wedding weeper. Except for Sai, standing beside him, who knew better.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

“What about her?”

“No.”

“Her?”

“No.”

“Oh, her?”

“...I’m pretty sure that’s just a bloke with long hair.”

Sai was three beers in, but it still wasn’t enough to sit there and watch Otis play matchmaker for Christian, pointing out every single woman (or perhaps otherwise) in the pub and giving just the worst pitch imaginable.

“Oaty,” Aoife cut in, using her treacly pet name, “leave the poor man alone. He’s clearly not on the pull tonight.”

Otis sipped from his own beer, thinking. “Oh, right. Because of the whole ‘living with mummy and daddy’ thing.”

“Oi!” Christian yelped. “I mean… yes, true. But also… I’m still married!” He held up his left hand, displaying the gold ring still snugly nestled on his finger.

Otis rolled his eyes. “Maybe technically, but it’s only a matter of — ow!” He stopped talking abruptly when Sai’s foot slammed down on his own and he shot him a look. Christian was clearly not in the headspace for this, tonight or in general. Sai wasn’t sure if Christian still had feelings for Charlotte — certainly he wouldn’t blame him, given how things went down — or if the blond lad had some other issues to work out, but the fact that he still wore his ring even as his divorce was pending told Sai something. He just wished Christian would open up about what was really going on in his head.

“Ooh, you deserved that, Oaty,” Aoife said.

“Could we change the topic, please?” Christian said, his face flushed red.

The group sat in awkward silence for a minute, eyes and hands glued to their respective drinks as the music and pulsing crowd noises enveloped them.

“So… where did Nick and Charlie go on their honeymoon again?” Aoife asked, blessedly.

“Mykonos,” Sai said. “The lucky bastards.”

“Oh, that’s right,” she replied. “God, those photos on Insta were gorgeous. All that white and blue!”

“I haven’t seen those,” Christian said. “I’m on kind of a… social media cleanse at the moment.”

Sai pulled out his phone, bringing up Instagram and navigating to Nick’s profile. “Here,” he said as he handed the phone to Christian. He watched as Christian pawed through Nick’s posts from the Greek paradise, his eyes unreadable. At least, until Sai heard his phone ding with a text message notification. He saw Christian’s eyes leap up to the top of the screen before he seemed to realize what he was doing, shook his head and handed the phone back to Sai.

“Text from your mum. Sorry, I didn’t mean to read it,” Christian said.

Sai sighed. If it was his mother, it was almost certainly about —

Mum [21:56]: My love, when are you seeing Priyanka again?

Yup, it was about Priyanka. His mother’s latest set-up. Sai had gone on one date with Priyanka, the daughter of yet another one of his parents’ seemingly endless list of friends. They’d carried on well enough, but the timing felt awkward for follow-up since he didn’t want to invite her to Nick and Charlie’s wedding — something that definitely would have signified a lot more about their “relationship,” in the broadest possible meaning of that term, than he wanted to. And, truth be told, she was very nice and they'd probably get on as friends, but Sai hadn’t felt much of a spark with Priyanka. Actually, no spark, that ember in his chest driving him to want to be with another person for more than just a single night’s passion. He hadn’t felt such a spark in a long time, actually, and was beginning to wonder if he ever would find it again.

Enough of that. Too dangerous to go down that road in a pub with his friends. Best to save those thoughts for when he’s at home, alone.

“How is your mum?” Otis asked. “I miss her tandoori, mate.”

Sai smiled. “She’s good, yeah. I’ll see if I can scrounge some up for you sometime.”

“All right, boys,” Christian said, clapping his hands and rubbing them together. “I need to know what you think of Arsenal’s new lineup.”

“Signing Magalhaes was a good call, he's clutch,” replied Sai.

“As long as they’ve still got Granit Xhaka, that’s all I care about,” said Aoife.

“Oh, here we go,” said Otis, rolling his eyes. “She’s got a huge crush on Xhaka, I swear.”

“I mean, sure, I’ve thought about what it would be like taking a shower with you and ‘Rock Hard’ Granit, but that’s just a fantasy,” she shot back.

Christian and Sai both dropped their jaws at that one, but Otis was more used to her dirty sense of humor and countered quickly.

“You know what, Aoife, if you ever get Xhaka on board with a three-way shower, I’ll do it.”

The other two men lost it at that, laughing so hard their faces turned red. Sai hadn’t laughed that hard in a long time.

A couple hours and multiple pints later, Aoife dragged Otis off to some after-hours dance club, but Sai and Christian both begged off. Christian had indulged more than the others, taking advantage of his first night out in quite some time, and was in no shape to dance. And Sai had learned long ago not to third-wheel Otis and Aoife after midnight lest they slip into a mood best described as exhibitionist.

“How’d you get here?” Sai asked, turning to Christian after Otis and Aoife piled into a taxi.

“Bus. Took an hour from my parents’ new place. I’d better call for an Uber — god, the rates at this hour,” Christian mumbled.

Sai rushed through an internal battle with himself before he suddenly spoke up. “Chris, I’m just a few blocks away and I have a guest bedroom. Come crash at mine.”

“Really?” Christian thought for a few moments before nodding yes. “You’re the best, Sai. Besides, I hate being tipsy in front of my mum.”

“Come on, this way.”

They walked in comfortable silence for a bit. Christian was sloshed enough to bump against Sai’s shoulder every few steps, but Sai didn’t mind. It felt a lot like back in uni, actually. Sometimes one or both of them would pull after a night out with the rugby team or their friends, but many times they would return back to their shared room together at the end of a fun night. Sometimes they just passed out immediately upon returning, but Sai thought back fondly to nights when they were still too keyed up, so they’d stay up talking about random sh*t as they lay in the dark on their beds. He always felt like those were such profound conversations, even if he couldn’t remember a damned thing about them in the morning.

Of course, there were those other nights… no, no, red alert, not thinking about those.

“So, tell me about Priyanka,” Christian said, purposefully bumping his elbow into Sai’s side and pulling him out of his, um, nostalgia. “I thought you said you weren’t seeing anyone.”

Sai groaned. “It was one date and I don’t plan to see her again.”

Christian giggled. “Another Surya set-up?” he asked, using Sai’s mother’s first name, though he always called her “Mrs. Verma” to her face. “Poor Sai…”

“Yeah, poor Sai,” he replied glumly.

“Oh, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” Christian threw one arm around Sai’s neck, pulling him close as they continued walking. “Honestly, I know what your problem is. You’re too good for most people, mate. It's intimidating. You’re cute as hell, you’re f*cking brilliant, you’re so sweet and thoughtful. Oh and this hair! It’s so good! All that considered… it’s hard to find someone who can really appreciate all the wonderful things about you, honestly.”

Sai was a little taken aback. He knew Christian thought well of him, obviously, they were best mates, but he never would have thought he’d have such a coherent opinion about his love life. But this was also a little mushy for Christian. They were lads, after all.

“Chris… you are truly toasted, mate,” he finally said.

Christian chuckled and pulled Sai closer, the heat from their bodies comingling between them in the crisp night air. “I may be drunk, sir, but in the morning I will be sober and you… will still be amazing.”

Sai flushed, impressed that Christian had the wherewithal to reference Churchill when he had one arm slung around Sai in order to keep from zig-zagging along the sidewalk, and grateful that he appeared to be too distracted to notice his reaction. It was all just words, just nothing, Sai knew. But it still felt good.

Christian didn’t say much more as they reached Sai’s building and entered his flat. No sooner had Sai guided Christian onto his guest room bed than the sandy-haired man was out. Sai shook his head fondly, thinking back to similar scenes from their uni days (and a couple of times in sixth form when they’d gotten their hands on a bottle of Jägermeister). Sai removed Christian’s shoes, put a pillow under his head and left a glass of water and bottle of painkillers on the nightstand.

He was soon tucked into his own bed next door, but even though Sai was knackered, he couldn’t find sleep for almost an hour, too preoccupied thinking about things that he really shouldn’t have allowed himself to think about.

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

Christian awoke with a pounding headache, and his unfamiliar surroundings left him swirling until he finally recalled he had crashed at Sai’s last night. He used to be able to drink like that and wake up with nothing but a healthy appetite for some chili or a quesadilla. This aging thing is such a crock — and I’m still in my mid-20s, he thought, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

He spied paracetamol and water on the bedside table. Christian downed double the usual dose and groaned as he stood. He truly felt like the dog’s breakfast.

He opened the door to find Sai on his couch, watching Sky Sports on a low volume.

“Good morning,” he said, turning his head to take in Christian.

“Morning,” Christian mumbled, stumbling forward. He leaned over the back of the couch, his chest and stomach pressed against the seat back and the top of his head resting on the cushion. “Ow.”

“Did you see the painkillers?”

“Yes. Took some. Thank you,” Christian replied, his voice gravelly. “But honestly it might be easier to just kill me.”

Sai chuckled and gently patted Christian on the back. “But then who would eat all the banana pancakes I’m going to make?”

Christian turned his head toward Sai and made a noise. “Banana pancakes? Really?”

“Yeah, mate. Batter’s all ready, I was just waiting for you to wake up.” Sai stood. “It’ll be a few minutes while I fry them up. Maybe you want to use the bathroom?”

Christian grunted again as Sai stood, walked into his kitchen and began puttering around. After a minute, Christian decided he couldn’t spend the whole day cinched over Sai’s couch like this, so with great effort he righted himself and made for the bathroom.

In addition to using the facilities, Christian took the opportunity to splash some water on his face and run wet fingers through his hair. Some time pressing his face against the cool wall tile and the double dose of meds meant he was at least able to function minimally when he finally stepped out ten minutes later just as Sai was setting two plates down at his table.

“Oh, Sai, thank you thank you,” Christian said as he slipped into a chair, smelling the warm, sweet flavors steaming off the hot pancakes. “These are absolutely my favorite.”

“I remember,” Sai said quietly as he set down a bowl with some cut fruit and a small container of maple syrup — warmed, so fancy, Christian noted. He also had a carafe of coffee on the table, with cream and sugar all laid out. Sai really was just a fantastic host, Christian thought as he poured himself some coffee.

Christian could do little more than moan appreciatively as he put forkful after forkful of banana pancakes into his mouth. He completely cleaned his plate and downed some fresh fruit as well.

Finished, he leaned back in his chair, patting his stomach like a cartoon bear.

“Feeling better?” Sai asked cheekily. “You looked like death half an hour ago.”

“I can confidently state I’m now up to about 30 percent alive, all thanks to you and this perfect breakfast,” Christian replied.

Sai smiled and poured himself another cup of coffee.

“So, I didn’t know, uh, did you have any plans today?” Sai asked, stirring in some cream.

Christian shook his head for a second and then wondered if Sai was asking him to clear out.

“I’m sorry, you must have things to do, I should go.”

“No, no,” Sai said, waving his hand. “Well, I do have one thing. I’m just vegging and watching telly for another couple hours, but then I have practice for my recreational footie league. I thought maybe… you’d like to tag along? Just warm up, play a little, some no-pressure fun — only if you’re feeling up to it.”

Christian thought for a minute and nodded his head. “That actually sounds nice, yeah, thanks. I’ll be feeling worlds better in a couple hours.”

Sai’s face stretched into a big smile. “Great! The folks on the team are great. And maybe if you have a good time you might… consider joining?” Christian didn’t react immediately, and Sai quickly backtracked. “I mean, only if you want to. I just thought since you’re back in town maybe you want to find stuff to do. But if it’s stupid —”

“No, it’s not stupid,” Christian interrupted. “Thank you for looking out for me. It’s so easy to spend all my time working and wallowing at home. Having something to do would be… healthy.”

Sai nodded, relief evident on his face, and sipped his coffee. “No pressure, though, see if you like the guys. Or, well, some are girls, but you know.”

“Mate, if you like them then they’re a-okay with me.”

They sat in companionable silence for a minute before Sai began collecting their plates.

“Wait, you’ve done so much, I can wash up,” Christian said, picking up some of the dishes.

“Guests don’t do wash-up!” Sai protested.

But Christian pushed back. “Sai, come on, it’s me. I’m not really a ‘guest’.”

Sai chuckled and gave up, holding up his hands in surrender. “All right, fine! Most of it can go in the dishwasher anyway, and there’s not much else to wash. I clean as I go.”

“Great. Go laze in front of the telly, I’ll join you when I’m done.”

It didn’t take Christian long to clean up — Sai really did wash as he went, so just the dirty pan and spatula were left on the counters to scrub up.

They spent the rest of the morning camped out on Sai’s couch quietly watching a rugby match, commenting occasionally on the gameplay or certain players. Christian slowly gained strength as the meal and medication sank in, and after a couple hours he felt much better. Just as the rugby match ended, Sai’s phone jingled, alerting them that it was time to get ready and leave.

“Hmm… I’m not really dressed for footie,” Christian said, waving his hand at the jeans and button-down shirt he was still wearing from the prior night.

“No worries, you can borrow some of my kit,” Sai commented. He emerged from his bedroom a minute later with athletic wear for Christian and a small duffel bag for his street clothes.

The practice field was about a 20-minute walk, giving them plenty of time to chat idly and even walk in comfortable silence, much as they’d spent the morning.

“Hey everyone, this is my friend Christian,” Sai announced as they walked up to the group of twenty- and thirty-somethings stretching in the park. “He’s tagging along for today but if we show him a good time he might join the team!”

The group cheered, and Sai pointed at each one and said their name, though Christian was never going to remember all those strangers on the first go. He waved back and nodded hello, then he and Sai began doing their warm-ups as well.

He and Sai were stretching their quads when one of the women wandered over, plopping down beside Sai.

“Hey, Sai guy,” she said. Christian detected some flirtatiousness, and he co*cked one eyebrow slightly. “So is Chrissy here a new friend?”

Sai smiled at the nickname Katie had unknowingly stumbled upon; it was the same thing Christian’s mum called him. “Hey, Katie. No, one of my oldest friends, actually. He just moved back to the area.”

“Oh, neat! Does your wife play football? We could always use more women players.”

Christian scrunched his face in confusion.

“Oh, sorry, I just assumed from your wedding ring,” Katie said. “Husband? Partner?”

Christian’s face froze a bit. “Uh. I do have a wife. But we’re… getting divorced.”

“Oh no! Oh, I’m so sorry,” Katie said apologetically, hopping to her feet. “Please ignore me, I’m an idiot.”

Christian shook his head. “No, it’s okay. You didn’t know. And I should probably…”

He trailed off, absentmindedly rubbing the gold band on his left hand. Maybe it was time to take it off. But doing so would require him to admit defeat, to acknowledge that he’d really failed as a husband. He shoved those thoughts down deep and locked the door behind them. Not today, today was about playing some footie in the park and having fun with Sai.

Ninety minutes later, Christian felt great. Running around kicking the ball with Sai and the group, getting his heart pumping and sunshine on his skin, he felt happy. It struck him suddenly that he simply hadn’t felt good like that in quite some time. Since everything with Charlotte, Christian realized he’d been, at best, feeling neutral, like a day that was cloudy but not so miserable as to be rainy. And then a lot of the time it was cloudy and raining in his head. Today was warm and sunny, and not just meteorologically.

As they cooled down, Christian figured he needed to make some changes to get back to being happy. Joining Sai’s football team could be a first step.

It was getting into late afternoon, and he really did need to be getting home. He and Sai begged off post-practice drinks and walked back toward Sai’s flat.

“So, ‘Sai guy’?” Christian asked, jostling Sai’s shoulder after they were out of earshot of the group. “You and Katie a thing?”

Sai looked nonplussed. “Katie? No.”

“Mate, she was definitely sending you signals.”

“Was she?”

“Yeah… are you interested?”

“In Katie? Erm, she’s nice but I don’t really see her that way,” Sai replied. “Besides, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to mix business and pleasure, as it were. I like this team and wouldn’t want to jeopardize that if it didn’t work out.”

Christian rolled his eyes. “Don’t want to mix business and pleasure? Dude, when was the last time you even had ‘pleasure’?”

Sai gawped and punched him in the arm. “f*ck you, too!” he said, though his voice lacked malice.

Christian laughed and gave an exaggerated shrug. “Okay, okay, I was just wondering if I needed to put on my wingman hat, like old times.”

Sai shook his head no. “It’s not old times anymore.”

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

“Christian, love, are you going to stay in bed all morning?”

The blond man was indeed still in bed, but had been awake for hours. It was Saturday, so he had nowhere to go and no one to see. But lazing about in bed was less about having a relaxing lie-in and more about the fact that he just couldn’t be arsed to get up. Christian was having a fine time watching shadows on the walls and thinking about how empty his life had become, thank you very much.

But Wendy McBride hadn’t gotten the memo.

“Chrissy? Are you awake?”

“Yes, mum,” he called out, his voice flat and gravelly.

“Oh, good. It’s just, I have a few things I need done around the house, when you’re ready.”

“Yeah. I’ll be out soon.”

He emerged ten minutes later dressed in jeans and an old t-shirt. His mum had left a note on the kitchen table — she was out doing shopping, and left a couple of maintenance items around the house for Christian: Fix the leaky faucet in the powder room and clean out the gutters. His father George was on a weekend fishing trip, so Christian was alone in the house, one that felt unfamiliar since his parents had moved here only a couple of years ago.

Christian started with the leaky faucet. Plumbing wasn’t his strongest suit, but he’d gotten by on a few basic skills, some learned from his father as a kid and the rest from YouTube tutorials as a husband. He grabbed the toolbox and ducked under the powder room sink. An hour later, he had run through his basic plumbing knowledge and watched four YouTube videos — nothing worked. The drip remained.

He gave up and focused on something he knew he could do, the gutters. It had been his job in school at his childhood home and it was easy enough, if kind of gross and messy. Christian was perched high up on the ladder, scooping rotting leaves and detritus from the gutter into a waste bag slung around his shoulder, when his mother suddenly shouted from below.

“I’m back! Be careful, Chrissy!”

He started at the interruption, gripping the roof to stabilize the ladder.

“I’m fine, mum.”

“Have you eaten lunch?”

“No.”

“I’ll make you a cheese-and-pickle for when you’re done.”

“Ta, it shouldn’t be much longer,” he called out.

Twenty minutes later, Christian had dumped the waste into their compost bin out back and stowed the ladder in the garage.

“How was shopping?” he asked idly as he scrubbed his hands in the kitchen sink.

“Oh, well I ran into Mrs. Abernathy at the Tesco. Apparently her daughter just moved back to town from that internship in Zurich, isn’t that interesting?”

Christian grunted uninterestedly before digging into the sandwich she had left out for him. He knew exactly where his mother was going with this. It was the fifth time she had “run into” an acquaintance with a conveniently available daughter since he moved home.

“Mum…”

“Chrissy, it’s time to think about the rest of your life. I’m worried that you’re… stuck.”

“The divorce hasn’t even gone through yet!” Christian protested. “If you want me out of the house, just say so.”

“You’re always welcome here, Christian. I just… I just want you to be happy again. I feel like I never see you light up anymore like you used to.”

“I’m trying, mum, but… I don’t know how,” Christian said, his eyes turned down in sadness. “Thanks for the sandwich,” he added, clearing his plate.

“Oh course, my love,” she replied. “Oh, um — it looks like the powder room is still leaking?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t stop the drip,” Christian replied.

“Did you try?”

“I tried everything. I couldn’t fix it,” Christian said, keeping his voice carefully level so as not to give away his annoyance.

His mum hummed. “Well, okay.”

There was awkward silence as Christian avoided her gaze.

“I’m going to do some reading,” he said, gesturing down the hall.

Back in his room, though, Christian thought about texting Sai. Seeing if he wanted to hang out, even if they were seeing each other tomorrow for his first game with the team. The lengthy bus ride kind of sucked, but it would be worth it to see the person who could most make Christian feel like himself again, instead of some failed man-child whose mother fixed his lunch.

It was sort of funny, Christian thought — weird funny, not ha-ha funny. So much of his life had regressed: Moving back to his hometown, residing again in his parents’ house, backsliding from married to single. It was like he was his teenage self again, and he hated it. But although Sai had been part of his life at that time, Christian found his rekindled friendship to be the one thing that makes him feel like he’s moving forward. Probably something to do with coaxing him out of his shell, getting Christian moving again, physically and socially. Christian regretted that he’d shunned Sai (and Otis and Nick and everyone who wasn’t his parents or his boss) for months since moving back.

Sai would improve his mood, surely. Christian got as far as unlocking his phone and reading their most recent texts before doubt crept in. He didn’t want to impose, Sai was already being so generous bringing him onto his footie team. Let Sai enjoy his Saturday in peace. They would be together tomorrow.

So Christian just sat on his single bed, the one he slept on as a teen, hauled here from his childhood home, his back against the cold, hard wall, staring at nothing.

Sai stood in the open field and turned his head into the sunlight, breathing in deeply.

Today, instead of their regular Sunday practice, the team had a game, and the weather was superb for it. He’d just finished warming up, the rest of the team surrounding him wrapping up as well.

“Circle up, folks,” the captain, a man in his late 30s named Carl, shouted. Next to Sai, Christian finished stretching, and Sai offered his hand to pull him to his feet.

“First game, you ready?” Sai asked.

“Yeah, mate,” Christian replied, clapping him on the back. “Feels like we’re back at Truham, doesn’t it? Only no one’s going to tackle us today.”

Sai chuckled. He didn’t miss the more physically aggressive aspects of rugby; football didn’t leave as many bruises or require as much acetaminophen to recover afterward, something he appreciated more and more as he aged and found himself unable to bounce back quite so easily from tackle sports.

Carl ran down their playbook for the day, heads nodding. “And remember folks, drinks at the Rising Sun afterward, win or lose — but I prefer win,” Carl concluded with a shout, drawing cheers from Sai, Christian and the rest.

Two hours later, after some tough gameplay and in a risky maneuver, Christian managed to kick into the goal in the last half-minute, scoring their team’s only point of the day. Given that their opponents had scored not once, it was enough to have Sai and all their teammates shouting with glee and dancing up and down in a scrum around the sandy-haired man. Both Sai and Christian once again shared that jubilation that comes with a hard-fought victory on the playing field. It was intoxicating.

Though, not as intoxicating as the after-match drinking at the Rising Sun. Absolutely everyone was buying Christian a glass, and despite his best efforts to drink moderately on that sunny Sunday afternoon, Sai soon noticed the telltale signs that Christian was on the verge of becoming too tipsy: He was talking even more loudly than was needed in the busy pub, he kept wiping his hands on his jersey and — most telling of all — he kept making finger guns at everybody. Sai figured maybe it was time to get out of there while Christian could still walk without falling over.

He made his way through the crowd to where Christian was busy talking with Katie.

“...and he’s so smart, did you know he’s an ark-teck?” Sai heard Christian telling her with just a little slurring over the nuances of his job title.

“Hey, Chris? Want to get out of here, maybe chill at my place a bit before you have to… go home?”

Christian turned to Sai and gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes.

“Yes, mum!” he said dramatically, followed by a big smile.

Sai put one arm around Christian’s shoulders and guided him toward the exit.

“See you next week, Mr. Ark-teck,” Katie called out with a smirk.

“Bye,” Sai threw out apologetically over his shoulder.

It was still daylight and Sai was worried about a drunk and disorderly charge if Christian couldn’t walk in a straight line, so he hailed an Uber for the relatively quick journey back to his flat.

They sat quietly for a minute, Christian’s head lolling about beside Sai in the backseat.

“You know, you didn’t have to upsell me or whatever,” Sai said. Christian gave him a confused look. “With Katie?”

“Oh!” he exclaimed. “I wasn’t, I swear. It’s just… the topic of you came up, and what was I supposed to do, not gush about my best friend?”

Sai wondered if Christian was lying, but he had a tendency to tell the truth — usually a little too much truth — when drunk, so Sai shook his head and grinned as Christian nudged him playfully before turning to watch people pass by outside.

Soon, they pulled up to Sai’s building and were in his flat.

“So what do you want to do?” Christian asked.

“You’re gonna need a couple hours to sober up,” Sai replied. “I’m pretty knackered. Would you be okay just watching Bake Off?”

“Oh, god, yes! I love Bake Off. Somehow it has me on edge and relaxed at the same time, I don’t know how they do it.”

“I get that. Uh, I’m a few episodes behind though,” Sai confessed. “Last I saw was biscuit week.”

“Perfect, me too!”

Sai grabbed some Gatorades to rehydrate and pulled up the recordings on his DVR.

“Man, when is Nick going to be on this?” Christian asked over the intro segment, sipping his sports drink. “I still have dreams about his lemon drizzle cake.”

“I always liked his honey buns.”

“So did Charlie!”

The two men chuckled. It was easy to rib Nick and Charlie about their relationship because it was so incredibly deep and rock solid. And, hey, neither was going to deny that their friends weren’t good-looking men, so taking the mick every now and then was only right.

“Pizza for the signature? But that’s so easy,” Christian complained as Noel and Matt explained the first challenge.

“Yeah, but whenever they do that, Paul and Prue are so pretentious about it,” Sai shot back. “Simple stuff like this always seems to trip the bakers up. And hey, when’s the last time you made pizza?”

“I… ordered a pizza just last week!” Christian retorted, giggling.

Their banter died down as they got into watching the bakers. Sai was engrossed in the show, and it wasn’t until one of the bakers got a “Hollywood handshake” and he went to comment that he noticed Christian had zonked out, his Gatorade bottle gently tucked into his side.

Quietly, Sai reached over and grabbed a blanket and gently placed it over the sleeping man.

Christian slumbered all the way through the rest of that episode and into the next, stirring only near the end of the second episode.

Some light rustling indicated to Sai that Christian was awake again, even if he didn’t open his eyes quite yet. But Christian must have known Sai was looking at him.

“How much did I miss?” he asked, his voice groggy.

“Better part of two episodes,” Sai said.

Christian replied simply with a groan before he extended his arms from under the blanket and stretched, yawning. He rubbed his eyes and stared at the wall for a minute before glancing at the clock mounted near the kitchen.

“Is that the time?”

“Yeah, do you have to go?”

“Not yet. I was going to say we should eat something. I’ll order in — my treat.”

“Oh, well, can’t say no to that, thank you.”

“Ugh, no, thank you for letting me straight up pass out on your couch! Don’t know how I was going to get home so pissed, everyone on the bus would hate me — if I didn’t fall asleep and end up at some rural end-of-the-line.” Christian pulled out his phone. “Pizza okay? That episode got it on my mind…”

“Yeah, fine.”

“You still like pepperoni and black olives?”

Sai nodded.

“And a chicken and roasted red pepper for me… done. Be about 20 minutes,” he said, putting his phone away. “I’m just going to use the loo, wash up.”

Sai went to his kitchen and pulled out plates and napkins. He paused when he went to grab the napkins; his big stack of them never seemed to diminish because Sai never bothered with such formalities when it was just himself. In fact, he probably would have just sat on the couch and eaten out of the box if he were alone. Obviously, Sai had people over sometimes, Otis and Nick and others. But that was usually more planned, more formal. Christian being here was laid-back, casual, easy. Sai still wanted to pull out napkins, though, he didn’t want Christian thinking he lived like a bachelor, even if he totally did.

When he came out, he saw Christian looking over his bookshelf, his hands held behind his back as he scanned the titles.

“Anything you want to borrow?” he offered.

Christian glanced over at him before his eyes returned to the books. “Maybe.”

“What would you like to drink?”

“Just some water, thanks.”

Sai filled two glasses. When he emerged again from the kitchen, Christian was standing over Sai’s drafting table, where he could work on designs and blueprints at home.

“This is nice,” Christian said, waving his hand over the papers there. “I forgot how good an artist you are. But this is a house — I thought you mostly designed corporate office space?”

Sai walked over beside Christian. “That’s not work, just my little hobby. It’s my, uh, dream home, I guess.”

Christian hummed. “Dream home? I’d have thought it would be way bigger, like a mansion, swimming pool, that sort of thing.”

“Ugh, no,” Sai retorted. “I think that’s maybe what a lot of people sort of assume they’d want, but when you think about it, it’s not very realistic. All that space… I think too much space in a home separates the residents. I mean, if everyone has their own wing or whatever, that’s practically like living apart. And personally, I don’t want that. I’m not saying I want to live in a cramped little hovel, but someday… when I have a family… I’m going to be looking for a nice three- or four-bedroom row home, a kitchen big enough to entertain, a garden out back. That kind of thing.”

Christian kept staring at Sai’s colored pencil sketch of the front of such a house. “Hmm. Yeah, I get that. It’s nice. Cozy.”

Sai blushed, though he wasn’t sure why.

He was saved when his doorbell rang.

“That’ll be the pizza,” Sai said.

“I’ll get it,” Christian replied, turning and heading for the door.

After they ate, chatting about nothing in particular, Christian prepared to leave. Sai hesitated, but eventually worked up the courage to float an idea he’d been thinking about all evening.

“Hey, I was thinking… when we have games, maybe it would be easier for you to sleep over here?”

“Oh, I can’t tonight,” Christian responded. “I don’t have any work clothes and my computer is at home, too.”

“Right, not tonight, but I was thinking ahead. A lot of our future games are on weeknights — like our next one is next Tuesday — and they can run pretty late. If you planned ahead to stay here, that would save you the long bus rides late at night. And we could hang out, too.”

“Ooh, it’s win-win,” Christian said, flashing Sai a smile. “I mean, Sai, if you’re offering, hell yes, that sounds fantastic.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely. I mean, if it’s not putting you out too much. I don’t want to, you know, intrude or overstay my welcome.”

“No, it’s fine. It’ll be like we’re back in uni!”

“But without the homework, thank god.”

Sai laughed.

“Okay, well, see you next Sunday at practice… and I guess Tuesday night!” Christian said, hugging Sai.

With Christian out the door, Sai closed and locked it, then turned and leaned his back against it, looking at his apartment. It was suddenly so empty.

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

Game nights were now Sai’s favorite day of the week.

Sai enjoys the weeknight games a lot more now because it means an overnight with Christian. It almost felt like back when they were in school and would stay up all night playing video games and lightly pranking one another and gossipping about sex, as if either of them knew what they were talking about (back then, at least).

The two men quickly settled into a routine after their weekly games.

After a few beers with the team, they’d beg off and head back to Sai’s apartment. They’d change into loungewear, Sai would pull out a bag of crisps or some other snack and they’d break out something from his bar cart while playing video games or zoning out to Sky Sports. A couple of times, Nick and Charlie or Otis and Aoife would show up at the games to cheer them on, then tag along to turn the post-game hang-out into a mini game night.

Christian started keeping a toothbrush and deodorant in the guest bathroom at Sai’s, so regularly was he staying over.

This went on for a couple of months, and Sai found himself really enjoying the arrangement: Spending Sundays in the park with Christian at football practice, and a sleepover most weeks.

He also kind of started hating it. On Sunday nights, after he returned home, the endorphin high from the exercise and hanging with Christian wore off pretty quickly. Likewise, returning home the day after a sleepover was a downer, when he took his shoes off and didn’t see Christian’s there beside the door as well. Sai had never been the type to crave lots of socializing, being comfortable being by himself a lot. But now he felt listless, bumbling around his flat most of the week, losing interest in any hobbies.

And yes, Sai thought about whether this was unusual. Most grown men didn’t set their emotional clocks by when they got to see their best friend. This was almost like they were dating. Sai quickly put that thought back in the box, taped it up, locked it in his brain’s basem*nt and turned off the lights. Not today.

And it was while he was studiously ignoring that thought that he had another.

It was a great idea.

It was also a very bad idea.

“So I was thinking,” Sai said one night, not long before the time they normally started yawning and stretching and thinking of hitting the hay.

“You do that sometimes,” Christian said, still mostly distracted by the television.

“You know how you’re not loving living with your parents…”

His attention piqued, Christian twisted to face Sai. “Yeah.”

“And you have that long commute each day.”

“Yeah.”

“And I have that spare room.”

Christian just stared at him intensely.

“Would you consider… letting it?”

“I — really?”

“Yeah. I mean, it can’t be as sad as living with your parents, right?”

Christian tilted his head and made a noncommittal whine.

Sai squawked. “All right then, stay —”

“No, wait, I was just teasing!” Christian interrupted, pulling a silly face. “I wouldn’t, I don’t know, cramp your style?”

“Chris, I have no style for you to cramp,” Sai replied.

“There’s no way that’s true,” Christian retorted. “But I… well, how much?”

“How much?”

“For rent.”

Oh. Rent. Sai hadn’t even thought about that. Why hadn’t he thought about that? Seems like a pretty obvious step in the ask-Christian-to-move-in plan. He didn’t want to actually charge him like some tenant off Craigslist… but too low would be weird, too, right?

“Well… how about 400 quid a month?”

Christian whistled. “Four hundred? For this neighborhood? Am I getting the friends and family discount?”

“Something like that,” Sai replied.

“I mean, I’ll be honest… these little sleepovers or whatever are basically my favorite part of the week,” Christian said. He held out his right hand. “You’ve got yourself a flatmate.”

Sai grasped Christian’s hand and shook it, smiling. “You can do dishes now, right?” he teased. “Because I remember in uni you’d leave dirty plates out until things started growing on them.”

“Yes, mum, I do dishes now,” Christian said, rolling his eyes. “So… when do we make this happen?”

“Well, it’s already furnished. Is there any furniture you’d want to swap out?”

“No, you have nice stuff in there. Besides… I don’t really have any furniture… left it all with Charlotte.” His eyes lowered a bit. “So it’s mostly just my clothes and some other belongings. I guess I don’t have a lot of baggage. Literal baggage, I mean.”

“Well then… how about Saturday?”

That night, Sai lay in bed, his mind racing. He hadn’t felt this excited in a while. But he also couldn’t stop thinking maybe, uh… maybe it had been a bad idea to invite his best friend, his oldest friend, who was getting over a divorce, and, oh yes, who was straight and who Sai was definitely crushing on now, to move in.

Oh yeah. This was going to end well.

🚚👕🚚

That Saturday, the borrowed Christian’s dad’s car for the two trips it would take to transfer his belongings. Sai helped Christian unload the first batch, then traveled back with him to pick up the remainder. They had just piled in for the trip home when Sai’s phone dinged with a text message.

Mum [17:04]: Isn’t Christian moving in today? I just got here with dinner supplies but your flat is empty.

Sai Verma [17:04]: You didn’t have to do that, mum!

Sai Verma [17:05]: We just picked up the last of his stuff and are on our way back

Mum [17:06]: I wanted my boys to have a nice home-cooked meal after a hard day of moving!

Sai looked up at Christian as he backed out of his parents’ driveway.

“So… my mum’s in my flat right now, apparently she has designs to make us dinner after, quote, ‘a hard day of moving’.”

Christian’s eyebrows shot up. “A Surya dinner? Nice! Er… how spicy will it be?”

Sai knew exactly what he was talking about. For years, his mum had severely dialed back the spice levels in her cooking whenever Christian, Otis, Nick or his other friends were over. One day in Year 13, the three of them found out about it and demanded to get the full blast. Sai warned them against it, but they insisted.

Otis couldn’t see out of his left eye for an hour. Nick lost his sense of taste for three full days. And Christian ran his head under the kitchen sink before pulling a liter of milk out of Sai’s fridge and drinking the entire thing. After recovering an hour later, he guiltily ran to the corner store and purchased a replacement for the Verma family.

“I’ll tell her to keep it mild,” Sai said. Christian vigorously nodded his head in response.

Sai Verma [17:09]: Christian says he’s looking forward to it… but asked for White Boy seasoning. 🤣

Mum [17:11]: I came prepared.

She attached a picture of a liter of milk on Sai’s counter. He smirked and put his phone away.

“Hey, why did you people invade like 90 percent of the world for spices if you can’t handle spices?” Sai asked lightly.

“You people?!” Christian shot back playfully. “But also… yeah, fair point. Sorry about that, old chap.”

Fifteen minutes, walking back into Sai’s flat, they were instantly overwhelmed with the aroma of home cooking. Sai breathed deeply, relishing the scent, as did Christian.

“Are those my boys?” Sai’s mother called out from the kitchen.

“Yup.”

Surya popped into the doorway and ran toward them, arms outstretched, pulling them both into a giant hug forceful enough to leave both men grunting.

“Mum, let us put these bags down, at least!”

“Oh, all right,” she relented. They dropped the bags in Christian’s room and emerged for individual hugs — and yes, Sai noticed his was pretty quick whereas Christian got a much longer embrace. His mother had always been rather partial to Christian for some reason.

“It smells amazing, Mrs. Verma,” he said when she finally released him.

"Oh, it's not much," she said, waving her hand to downplay the meal. "Just a lamb vindaloo, some aloo gobi and palak paneer."

"Mum, that’s a feast!” Sai protested, leaning over to spy which pots she was using. “We’ll be eating leftovers for half a week.”

“Oh, but it’s worth it! Your cooking is always so good,” Christian said, knowing how to heap praise on the woman. “That is… if it’s not too…”

“Don’t worry, my love,” Surya said, squeezing Christian’s bicep briefly. “I used barely any seasoning. Don’t want another incident where you start hallucinating again or whatever happened.”

Christian clasped his hands behind his back and blushed. Fortunately, Sai knew his mum’s teasing was from a place of love.

“So are you boys done, then?” she asked.

“Just one more trip down to my car ought to do it,” Christian said.

“Well, you do that and wash up. By then, everything should be ready!” Surya replied. “And then when we eat I want to hear all about your life, Christian, it’s been too long, sweetie.”

Christian nodded. “Oh, is Mr. Verma not here?”

Suray shook her head. “He joined a pub trivia team, if you can believe that. Takes up his Saturday nights now. But he said hello.”

Over dinner, she asked Christian questions about his job, how he liked being back in the area, their football team, how his parents liked their new house outside of town. Sai was worried she was going to eventually get around to pestering Christian about his divorce, or god forbid, his current love life. But, with surprising tact, Surya steered clear of those topics, and their conversation never lulled or got awkward.

“Mrs. Verma… I am well and truly stuffed,” Christian said finally, patting his belly. “I haven’t had vindaloo that good in — well, when was I last at your house?”

“Oh, I’m glad, and there’s much more in there for you boys,” Surya said as she started stacking dirty dishes.

“Oh, no, please, let me!” Christian said, motioning for her to sit back down. “The move really was easy since I didn’t have any furniture, and cleaning up is the least I can do to say thank you.”

Surya widened her eyes and raised her eyebrows, impressed at Christian’s manners.

“Is this the same boy who used to come over and spend all afternoon shouting ‘boo ya’ at video games?” she asked.

Sai was also somewhat stunned. He had joked earlier about Christian never doing dishes in uni, but they really had been quite close to a biohazard team being called in sometimes when Christian would forget about some kitchen mess. He really had changed, and it was feeding into some… interesting feelings in Sai.

“Sai, you’re just going to let him do everything?” Surya asked, a chastising look on her face.

He sighed. “No, mum.”

He picked up more dishes and walked into the kitchen to find Christian at the sink, yellow rubber gloves on his hands while scrubbing a pot. He looked up and smiled at Sai.

“Look at all these leftovers. Score!” He noticed Sai staring at him with some confusion. “What?”

“I just… I’ve never seen you wear marigolds before.”

“What, a lad can’t wear marigolds?” Christian replied lightly. “I have to burn my hands in dishwater to prove I’m a man?”

Sai shook his head. “It really isn’t old times anymore.”

Christian went back to washing. “Could you pack up the leftovers? I’m still learning my way around and couldn’t find the Tupperware.”

Sai packed away the extra food and began drying, bantering happily with Christian as they went. At one point, Sai had gotten ahead of Christian and had nothing to dry off. Momentarily without a task, he realized his mother was still in the other room.

He stepped over to the doorway and saw her standing in front of one of his windows with her water glass in one hand, her head turned toward the wall, apparently looking at nothing in particular.

“Mum?”

Surya turned and looked at her son. “Yes, love?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to abandon you out here.”

“Oh, I’m just fine. I was just enjoying the sounds of a happy home.”

Sai tilted his head. “Uh, okay. Whatever floats your boat.”

Fifteen minutes later, the dishes were done and Sai had packed up whatever pots and pans Surya had brought with her.

“All right, I’m off, boys, I can’t do late nights like you young people.” Surya declared as they emerged from the kitchen.

“Mum, it’s only half seven,” Sai said.

“Don’t tease, you'll get old someday too, darling.”

“I have to go as well — need to return my father’s car,” Christian said, grabbing the keys from the dresser in his room.

“But then how will you get back here?” Surya asked.

“I’ll just take the bus back,” Christian said as she made a sad face. “It’s all right! Now I’m here, there’s way, way less time on buses in my future.”

“Come on, I’ll walk you to your car, mum,” Sai said, grabbing his house keys.

It turned out Surya’s car was on the same block as Christian’s. They stopped to say goodbye to her first. She gave her son another strong hug, then gripped Christian and squeezed him comically hard. When she released him, Surya moved to hold both his hands in hers.

“I want to say something as a mum, and it might be embarrassing but I have to,” she said, looking into Christian’s eyes. Sai tensed. Lord, what awkward or strange thing was she about to spew out?

“I know you’re back here under sad circ*mstances, and I’m sorry about that. But I wanted you to know that Sai has been so much happier the past few months. And I think that’s due to you, Christian. You’re a good friend and a good influence.”

“Uh… thank you,” Christian said shakily.

“Will you watch out for him? Like you used to?”

Sai squawked. “Mum! For goodness’ sake, I’m a grown man, I don’t need looking after.”

Surya and Christian looked over at Sai before turning back to one another.

“Of course, Mrs. V,” Christian said firmly.

“Good.”

She got into her car and was quickly on her way home. Sai stood rubbing his forehead as they watched her leave. Beside him, Christian bounced up and down on his toes.

“So… should I make sure you get home safe before I leave?” Christian asked, his voice perfectly level.

“f*ck. Right. Off,” Sai replied, making Christian giggle.

“All right, mate, all right. I’ll be back in an hour and half, and then there’s no getting rid of me.”

Sai nodded, and Christian strolled down the street to his dad’s car and was soon off. Sai watched him until he disappeared down a cross street. He wondered if Surya was just being motherly, or if she’d somehow picked up on his feelings. He thought he’d been guarded, careful… but mothers always seemed to have a sixth sense.

Is it possible Christian might also be picking up on it?

No, he’s pretty thick, Sai thought with a fond smirk.

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

“Oh my gosh, there they are! Hiiiiiiiiiiiii!”

Sai and Christian looked up from their pre-game stretches and saw Imogen Heaney running toward them, her arms outstretched and her hair bouncing in the breeze.

Sai saw Imogen less frequently these days, especially since she’d settled into a serious relationship with a man named Rhys Perry, a dentist. But Imogen had been an important part of Sai’s life, in a couple of ways.

The first way Imogen was an important part of Sai’s life was when they dated.

Imogen had been a rugby groupie for a while before her singular date with Nick Spring-Nelson (né Nelson, at the time) (though Sai secretly suspected that had never actually happened as she had a pretty heavy Instagram presence back then and had posted nothing — and also in retrospect Nick had clearly been head over heels for Charlie at the time). So she had also been friends with Sai and the rest for years.

As she continued to hang out with them through Year 12, eventually Imogen took up flirting with Sai. At first she did it teasingly, since he was kind of shy, and she made it clear it was gentle and friendly. But after a time, Sai noticed that her flirtations had shifted from friendly banter aimed at making him blush and turned into something more seductive aimed at making him flush.

After months of their back-and-forth, near the end of Year 12, and with some encouragement from the lads, Sai decided to ask her out. “Finally!” she shouted when he did, drawing looks from the classmates in the yard around them. “I was worried I’d have to ask you, because that didn’t go so bloody well last time.”

Their first date was Nando’s and a movie — Imogen’s idea. Sai liked her effervescent personality and sense of humor, and also — yes, fine, he was a teenage boy — her body. By the end of the summer, they had been each other's firsts, and they briefly rivaled Nick and Charlie for soppiest couple (they were more lopsided, with Imogen providing the majority of their sop, while Nick and Charlie were usually more balanced).

They continued dating through the winter holidays of Year 13, but that spring, tensions that had been simmering on both sides came to a head. Imogen felt Sai was spending too much time studying and playing rugby in his final year, and not enough time with her. Meanwhile, Sai was upset that Imogen planned to attend the Sorbonne in Paris rather than a UK university, meaning they’d be long-distance for the long term. Those two issues may have created a feedback loop, Sai had realized some time later, one they weren’t able to communicate their way out of. Ultimately, they’d broken up via mutual agreement. It stung them both, and they’d gone a while ignoring one another. But the distance of space and time had eventually let them regenerate their friendship.

The second way Imogen was an important part of Sai’s life was when she came out in uni as pansexual.

That development, which Sai learned about via an Instagram post of her snogging a purple-haired girl at Paris Pride between their second and third years, had brought the issue back to his mind. Certainly, he knew about pan- and bisexuality (which as far as he could tell meant essentially the same thing nowadays — people could just pick whichever label they liked and worked for them). Nick Nelson was bi, obviously! But Sai hadn’t spent much time processing that, to be honest. Nick had come out as bi at the same time he’d started dating Charlie, and was immediately so far gone that there had never been the possibility of anyone else for Nick, so the issue had gotten tucked away in the back of Sai’s mind. Not that he was downplaying or erasing Nick bisexuality — Sai would never.

They were more than two years past their breakup and getting along much better at that point, so Sai called her up a couple of days later to congratulate her. Imogen gushed about how she’d always thought girls were pretty but that one day she’d realized she wasn’t just jealous of her classmate Margot, she wanted to “get all up in that,” as Imogen so elegantly put it over FaceTime.

It took a while longer, but that conversation unlocked something in Sai. A few months later, things suddenly snapped into place one day as he was walking to class. Maybe he didn’t just admire the Durham rugby team captain for his staunch athleticism. Maybe he didn’t just think that enby from his architecture practicum had a nice sense of style.

Maybe, the half-dozen times he and Christian had laid on their separate beds across their dorm room from one another, cloaked in the darkness of late night, when they’d hidden under their blankets and reached for their own —

No.

Nope, not going to think about that.

Especially not right here, in the park, before a game, with Christian right next to him.

Besides, that part of Sai’s sexuality was… theoretical, at best. He had never actually explored doing anything with anyone who wasn’t a woman.

Heck, it was difficult enough with women. He’d had fun plenty of times at uni, stumbling home with a girl after a party; popping into the powder room for a quickie; once in the library, which may have led to some books getting knocked over and misshelved haphazardly before they fled (why did he still feel guilty about the misshelving, though?).

Always a good time, but Sai was never interested in turning them into relationships, and it had rarely been an issue since the girls didn’t seem to be looking for commitment either. He’d hooked up less frequently since graduating; turns out being a working adult is hard, and as he tried transitioning from hook-ups to legitimate dating, he found he was never able to replicate his feelings about Imogen. Not that he was hung up on her — those feelings were in the past, and he was glad she was happy in her own life. But the spark they’d shared, Sai hadn’t been able to reproduce that with another woman since, which was starting to make him feel like a sad-sack. And while he looked at men sometimes and wondered, he never felt compelled to actually buy them a drink or strike up a conversation, either.

So, sure, Sai figured he was pansexual. Not very good at it, and it was still a secret, partly because he felt like he wasn’t a “real” pansexual like Imogen, but still. That was the word he used in his head, that felt right.

But he quickly cleared all that from his mind. Imogen was fast approaching.

“Imogen!” Christian yelped as she flung herself down and nearly toppled him where he was sitting and stretching his calves.

“You’re finally baaack, oh I missed you!” Imogen hugged Christian before standing upright. The dramatic greeting for Christian had given Sai time to stand up. She stepped over and gave him a calmer hug. Sai also greeted her boyfriend Rhys, having met him several times before. (They had discovered a shared love of Star Wars movies, which Imogen was happy to let them talk about in the corner at parties, and Sai and Rhys even texted a bit about “Andor” and the other shows.)

“Christian, this is my boyfriend, Rhys, Rhys, I’ve told you about Christian.”

“Right, hello,” Rhys said, shaking Christian’s hand. “The rugby lad she didn’t try to date.”

“Oi, what about me, then?” Otis shouted, they all turned as he walked up with Aoife and Nick in tow. “Am I chopped liver?”

“Uh, I’ll have you know I’ve been into two whole rugby lads in my entire life! It’s just a coincidence that they’re both here tonight,” Imogen said, looking between Nick and Sai. She was unable to stop herself from giggling and implicitly giving the rest of them the right to laugh.

“It’s so great you guys came to watch our match,” Christian said as he shared bro-style hugs with Otis and Nick.

“I’m just sorry I don’t make it to more of them,” Nick replied. “Primary school hours, you know, I’m only here tonight since tomorrow’s a bank holiday.”

“So, Nick, where’s your husband?” Imogen asked, emphasizing the word since it was still so fresh.

“Oooooooooohhh,” the rest of them all cooed together, ganging up on Nick and making him blush (as if that was difficult).

“He had some kind of evening working dinner with some other editors and authors,” Nick said, bashfully crossing his legs and staring pointedly at the grass.

Just then, Carl the team captain blew his whistle, indicating it was time to gather up before the match.

“We’ll catch you guys after, yeah? Maybe come back to our flat?” Sai asked, their friends nodding.

The game flew by, and despite some nice plays Sai and Christian’s team lost 2-1. It was just as well they were going straight home with friends, since the team outing would be more muted after the loss.

Sai had taken a few hard slides in the muck during the game, so upon arrival he handed out some drinks and then excused himself to change and freshen up. After scrubbing quickly and slipping into some fresh clothes, Sai emerged to stand at the edge of the short hallway leading to his bedroom. He surveyed the scene: Nick, Otis and Aoife were sitting at the table chatting amongst themselves, while Christian, still wearing his grass-stained kit, was standing by Sai’s drafting table with Imogen and Rhys. The three of them were facing away from him, looking at the drawings propped there.

“These are incredible,” Imogen said, tracing one finger over the sketch. “He’s such a good artist.”

“This is my favorite part,” Christian said, pointing at something on the page. “Love a big bay window.”

“Oh, a hundred percent agree,” Imogen said. “I hope he shows this to girls!”

“I… don’t know what he shows to girls,” Christian said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Gen,” Sai said, stepping out into the room and causing the three of them to turn and see him. “I’d have to be crazy to show that to someone on the first few dates… it screams commitment. I might as well get their ring size while I’m at it.”

Rhys and Christian both laughed while Imogen just nodded her head.

“Well, I hope you at least get some mileage out of being an architect. I feel like that’s up there with doctor or lawyer as one of those top-tier husband jobs.”

Rhys coughed conspicuously next to her.

“Dentists are doctors, love,” she said.

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t want to be the only one on a plane when someone has a heart attack,” he replied.

“Oi, what about us computer programmers?” Christian protested.

“Oh, sweetie… it’s a good thing you’re cute,” Imogen said. Sai and Rhys laughed, and Christian looked miffed, though the blush creeping up his neck hinted that maybe he was fighting off amusem*nt. He excused himself to change, and Sai took the opportunity to stir up some drinks for everyone.

They all chatted easily, trying not to spend too much time talking about their Truham days so as not to bore Aoife and Rhys. It was coming up on 10 o’clock when the doorbell chimed and Sai opened his door to find Charlie Spring-Nelson on the other side.

“You made it!” he said, giving the slender man a quick hug.

“Well it had been too long since I’d seen you guys, and I thought with tomorrow being a holiday that Nick — oh yes, look, he’s nicely toasted now,” Charlie said, looking past Sai at Nick, who had moved firmly into the giggly stages of inebriation.

“Charlie, look!” Nick said kind of loudly, raising his glass. “Sai made me this fancy drink. It’s called a negroni… spatul — no, a spaghet — hold on.”

“Sbagliato,” Sai provided, as Nick nodded and raised his glass.

“Nick informed me it’s the 'bisexual drink of choice' now and insisted I google how to make it,” Sai told Charlie, who smiled confusedly. “Something about that dragon show or whatever, I don’t know. He’s just lucky I had prosecco on hand.”

“No, he’s lucky that his husband drove here from a work thing so he doesn’t have to walk more than two miles home in this state.”

“I can be lucky for two reasons,” Nick said as Charlie approached and leaned over to kiss him.

Twenty minutes and another round later most of the group was playing some form of poker Sai wasn’t familiar with, so he begged off to sit on the couch and nurse a glass of prosecco — not his normal post-game drink, but he had the rest of the bottle to finish off.

Christian apparently bluffed poorly and was out of the game fairly quickly. Imogen promptly folded and dragged him over to the couch, plopping herself between him and Sai.

“Okay sweetie, now tell me everything going on in your life,” she said to Christian, who looked somewhat bewildered.

“Um… well, I’m working on this new program at work that will —”

“No, darling, no. Your personal life.”

Christian glanced over at Sai, who was bemusedly watching the interrogation.

“Your love life, Chrissy, what’s up?”

Sai felt like maybe he should step in and object to her forthrightness here, but to be honest, he was kind of intrigued to hear the answer. Christian hadn’t really shared much about it, and Sai hadn’t directly asked in some time, in no small part out of fear. And now that they were living together, Sai noticed there wasn’t much time for Christian to actually have a love life. It seemed he was always at work, or with Sai at home or playing football. No room for anyone else.

“Not much to tell,” Christian said, shrugging.

“Do you want there to be?” Imogen asked.

“I… I don’t know. Kind of hard to meet anyone with this still on my finger.” He held up his gold wedding band.

Sai frowned. It was easy to forget Christian was technically still married. Charlotte had been so thoroughly put behind him that it felt more like they were post-collegiate bachelors than a near-divorcee and his sad sack school pal.

“Why do you still wear that, anyway?” Imogen asked.

“The divorce hasn’t been finalized yet.”

“But in the important ways, it’s over, right? Has been for a while?” Imogen pressed. Sai squirmed. This was starting to get uncomfortably direct.

“Chris, you don’t have to answer that. Imogen, come on,” Sai complained.

She looked like she was about to protest when Christian spoke up.

“No, it’s okay. Amazingly, no one ever asks about this anymore,” he said, rotating the ring around his finger. “The truth is…” Christian trailed off, and looked Sai in the eyes. He looked like he was struggling to say whatever was on his tongue. “The truth is —” he finally broke eye contact with Sai, gazing at his own hands clasped in his lap — “I’m still hung up on Charlotte.”

Imogen threw herself forward, grasping Christian in a one-sided embrace.

“Oh love, I’m so sorry. You’ll get there! You just need to get out there, meet the right person.”

Sai watched Imogen squeeze the life out of Christian and wondered. If Christian were still hung up on Charlotte… how come he never talked about her? There had certainly been a time when he talked about her a lot, when they first had trouble, when they first separated and he was on his own, back when Sai was more often providing a friendly shoulder over FaceTime or through Call of Duty. But not for a long time, and certainly well before he came back to Kent. Christian never mentioned messaging her, Sai had never caught him looking at her social media. Charlotte was not a resident here, so Sai was taken aback by Christian’s statement. But maybe his friend was better at hiding his feelings than he had thought.

Rhys just then looked over at his girlfriend.

“Imogen! Let that poor man go, he looks like he’s about to pop!”

Christian did indeed look slightly like the victim of a boa constrictor, flush in the face and not breathing, his eyes misty. Imogen eased off him, and he began sucking in air again, his skin returning to its normal pale color.

“Sorry, sorry,” she said, patting his arms.

“Welp, I’m out,” Charlie said, throwing his remaining cards on the table, standing and walking over to plop down in an armchair.

“Do you want anything else?” Sai asked him.

“No, thanks, I’m fine with my water,” Charlie replied. “So Christian, how is it being back here?”

Christian, who had swiftly wiped the moisture from his eyes, turned to Charlie.

“So much better than living with my parents. They moved out to Holly Hill a few years ago, you know, so it was a long bus ride into work. Now I can walk to the office.”

“And how do you like living with Sai again?”

“Yeah, great,” Christian said, meeting Sai’s gaze before turning back to Charlie. “Sai is my lifesaver.”

Sai heard Otis shout happily and looked over to see him scooping up the pile of chips in his arms and pulling it across the table. Nick, Aoife and Rhys threw down their cards and shrugged at one another.

Nick stood and walked over to Charlie, squatting down beside him. He seemed to have sobered up slightly during the poker game, but still had to steady himself on the chair’s armrest.

“Can we go home now, love? There’s… something I need you to do,” he asked Charlie, his voice just pointed enough that Sai and the rest knew something was afoot.

“Something you need me to do?”

“Yes. Do. At home.”

“Lads, great seeing you but we have to get going,” Charlie said, grabbing his coat in one hand and his husband in the other. Nick waved haphazardly to the others as he was practically yanked out of Sai’s flat.

“Cripes, it really is just like Truham again,” Sai said. “Nick’s off getting some and the rest of us aren’t.”

“Speak for yourself, mate,” Otis said, wrapping one arm around Aoife’s waist.

“Yeah, sorry, babe,” Imogen replied as well, eyeing Rhys like a Nando’s chicken at 2 in the morning.

Their other friends at least had the decency to properly say goodbye before departing, even if they left behind a messy pile of poker chips and dirty glasses. Christian cleaned up the drinkware and leftover snacks while Sai put all the chips back in the carrying case and re-organized the card deck.

Christian emerged from the kitchen just as Sai was clasping the carrying case shut. Christian flicked off the kitchen lights and yawned, stretching his arms above his head, his shirt riding up slightly and revealing a sliver of his midriff. Sai glanced away immediately, as if doing so would prevent that slice of skin from searing itself into his brain. He wasn’t even sure why; they’d seen each other in various states of undress before, as teammates and uni roommates. But for some reason that slash of fair skin could easily get Sai going now.

“I’m calling it,” Christian said, shuffling toward his room.

“Chris,” Sai called out when he reached the threshold. He hesitated for a second, with Christian watching him through droopy eyes. “If you ever want to talk or anything… um, you know, I’m here for you.”

Christian glanced down at the floor, his expression unreadable to Sai. “Not… not tonight. But thanks.”

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

Christian and Sai were having a quiet night, in the room together but apart in their own worlds. They’d eaten dinner already, just some leftovers, speaking a little about their day as they lounged informally in the living room instead of sitting at the dining table. But now an awkward silence had descended on the flat and nobody was willing to comment on it. After eating, neither had felt like watching television. Sai appeared to be scrolling through social media, although his eyes appeared to be fully glazed over. Christian tried to read — some novel Isaac Henderson had recommended on his blog — but had slapped the book shut in a huff after 15 minutes.

“I think I’m gonna go for a walk,” he declared suddenly, standing up. There was still well over an hour of light left, and it was a warm, pleasant evening, though cloudy weather gave the outdoors a sense of brooding.

“That sounds nice,” Sai said. “Let me just put some trainers on.”

f*ck. Christian hadn’t meant to, like, invite Sai on his walk. He was trying to get away from the awkwardness until he could figure out what it meant, or until the mood finally shifted. But clarifying he’d meant to go alone would have been rude. And even more awkward. So time for an awkward walk it was. Christian stood around the living room, his hands clasped behind his back, until Sai emerged from his bedroom a minute later wearing his trainers.

Then there was the weird wait in the hallway while Sai locked up. The silent elevator ride down. The fumbling you-first-no-you-first dance to exit the elevator and then the lobby door. Sai and Christian had always had an elegance to their interactions, they just worked together like a well-oiled machine. But something had been off kilter for a few days. Ever since that damned after-party.

Christian vaguely indicated turning rightward as they exited, and Sai wordlessly nodded. He set a leisurely pace as they passed the shops and businesses in the neighborhood that Christian had become more familiar with in the months since moving in. A clothing store, a salad place, an optometrist, a hair salon, a seafood restaurant, a tax preparation business, a frame shop, some sort of little firefighting museum with curiously inaccessible hours. Christian pointedly let his eyes slide past a bridal shop as they passed.

The wedding ring on his finger suddenly weighed heavier, and he became hyper-aware of the gold band wrapped around his skin.

“You want some ice cream?”

Sai’s question pulled Christian’s head out of his pocket, where his left hand and his ringer were firmly ensconced. He met Sai’s gaze, then followed his head nod to the little shop on the corner they were approaching.

“My treat,” Sai added.

“Well, how can I say no to that,” Christian replied, forcing himself to smile a little. Sai popped on what seemed like an authentic grin and they stepped into the chilly store.

Five minutes later, the door chimed on their way out. Each had settled for a milkshake — easier to carry around as they walked, less drippage — and took a long sip before Christian pointed to the little park across the street.

“I don’t know how you can drink mint chocolate,” Christian said as they navigated the crosswalk. “Way too close to toothpaste flavor.”

“I honestly don’t know what you mean, this tastes nothing like toothpaste,” Sai shot back as they stepped up on the sidewalk on the other side. “Besides, at least this has natural flavors. You know your banana milkshake is just some chemical mixed up in a lab to fool your taste buds, right?”

“Tastes just fine to me.”

“It’s not even actual banana flavor! It’s that fake banana flavor they somehow convinced people tastes like banana when it doesn’t at all.”

Christian sucked on his straw and rolled the icy milkshake around on his tongue before swallowing.

“Seems banana-y to me.”

Sai rolled his eyes.

“Fine then,” Christian said, shoving his cup at Sai. “You try.”

Sai leaned forward, sucking some of the liquid through the straw.

“Ugh, that is so fake.”

Christian snagged the milkshake back as if it were a puppy Sai had just called ugly.

“You’re just saying that because the mint has messed up your palate.”

“I’m just saying, that’s not what bananas really taste like.”

“Agree to disagree.”

Sai chuckled as they came up to the middle of the little park, no bigger than a square block. There were some benches in the center around a small fountain, and the two men made their way to one to finish their treats and enjoy the evening. It was just starting to be dusk, and while there were people walking or jogging through the park, no one else was in their immediate vicinity. Christian felt like he was sitting in his own private garden, and the stress and anxiety he’d been feeling the past few days melted away like his banana milkshake on his tongue.

He rested his hand on the bench beside him and felt the metal thud against the wood.

Christian knew this moment of levity would prove fleeting if he didn’t address the underlying reason things had gotten weird. Guess it was time to spill a little in this public park.

“Can I tell you something?”

Sai looked up from his milkshake. “Anything.”

Christian swallowed nervously, gathering his thoughts. “What I told Imogen the other night… about why I don’t stop wearing my ring. It’s not… because I’m still hung up on Charlotte.”

Sai sat silently, staring at a tree in the distance.

“Really?” he asked eventually.

“I mean. I don’t know that I won’t ever not have feelings about the situation. But I don’t love her anymore, no.”

Sai nodded. “So if it’s not about Charlotte, why the ring? I mean… if you want to tell me. You don’t have to.”

Christian ran his thumb over the cold paper cup in his hand, getting caught up in the tactile drag of the skin against its rough surface.

“Everyone’s been wanting me to move on. Find a new girlfriend. And I’m just… I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why don’t you want to… you know?”

Christian sighed. “You’re gonna think I’m stupid.”

“I promise I won’t.”

Silence for a beat.

“I’m worried that… um, that no one will ever actually love me.”

“Chris, I…”

Sai seemed to be at a loss for words. Of course. What the f*ck response could anyone give to that?

Christian hadn’t had anywhere to work through all this since he stopped therapy after moving back to Kent. And it seemed that now he’d let a little out, he couldn’t stop the dam from cresting.

“Charlotte never actually loved me. I thought she did, but she didn’t. And I’m afraid… I’m afraid that means I’m… unloveable. And so I keep the ring on because I can pretend like it’s a time before I knew that, when I thought… that someone could love me that way. And if I take it off, then I have to acknowledge the hard truth.”

His eyes were quite moist by now, and he rubbed away the tears aggressively before downing the dregs of his milkshake.

Sai twisted his body on the bench, pressing a knee against Christian’s thigh and putting on hand on his shoulder.

“Chris, you’re not alone,” he said, looking up at his friend. “You’ve got me… and Nick and Otis, and your family. We all love you.”

“I know, but… it’s not the same.”

“Right,” Sai replied quietly. Christian girded himself for the usual response people gave him — he’ll find the right person eventually, plenty of fish in the sea, just keep swimming, blah blah blah. But Sai only looked away, a strange look of guilt on his face.

“Um, have you considered talking to anyone about this? Like a therapist, I mean?”

Christian laughed emptily. “I sort of did, actually. After the marriage counseling, once I knew it was over, I spent a few months one-on-one with a therapist. Believe it or not, the hot mess before you is actually the product of some quality counseling! You would not have wanted to see the real me before, trust me.”

Sai leaned down and put his empty milkshake cup on the ground, then leaned back up, placing his hands in his lap and twisting them together. They stayed silent as an older man walking a yellow lab and a chocolate lab ambled past.

“Can I tell you something?” Sai asked.

Christian blinked as he nodded and turned. “God, of course, I’m so sorry, I’ve completely been unloading on you, it’s so unfair. Go ahead, I’m listening, I promise.”

“Don’t say sorry, I’m… actually glad you’re sharing. I want to be there for you.”

“Stop being so sappy and tell me what you wanted to tell me.”

Sai looked away for a moment, gathering himself.

“Um, so, you know how I’ve had a grand total of one real relationship in my life?”

Christian nodded.

“Well. I’ve been wondering for a little while now if… if something’s wrong with me. Because I’ve never felt that spark with anyone else. And I’m not — I’m not hung up on Imogen or anything. I just mean… when you meet someone, you’re supposed to feel something, and I almost never do. And I wonder if that means… I’m broken or something on the inside.”

Sai looked absolutely crestfallen, and it wrenched Christian’s heart.

“Sai, no, you’re not broken.”

“Feels like it a lot of the time,” Sai said, wiping away tears.

“It’s going to happen for you, I promise. You’re gonna meet the right girl eventually.” Christian squinted his eyes suddenly. Lord, he sounded just like his mother. He hated when she said that to him. As if that were the underlying issue. As if he hadn't just hoped Sai wouldn't say that to him. Well, Christian didn’t fully understand what was up with Sai, but he’ll be damned if he’s going to spout dumb platitudes like that.

In the seconds it had taken for Christian to have that realization and make that vow, Sai had begun shaking slightly. “Sai, come here,” Christian said, reaching out to offer a hug. Sai leaned forward, and they embraced. Christian could feel his shoulder get slightly damp as Sai heaved a bit. Christian at that moment felt he would do just about anything to make his best friend happy again.

Finally, Sai sat back, his eyes puffy.

“Sorry, that was… heavier than I anticipated.”

Christian shook his head. “Stop saying sorry.” In response, Sai looked very hard like he was trying not to repeat it.

“Don’t say it!” Christian warned, a hint of levity in his voice for the first time since their conversation started.

Sai looked guilty. “I kind of want to say it.”

“Don’t!” Christian said with a legitimate laugh.

The two men just looked at one another with tired grins on their faces until Christian spoke up.

“So you really haven’t wanted to be in a relationship with anyone since Imogen?”

Sai looked sheepish, and glanced away from Christian. “Well, there was someone recently, actually. But… to be honest, I don’t think we’d be compatible.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Christian said. He thought for a moment. “Was it Katie?”

“Nope,” Sai replied. “Stop trying to guess who it is! Nothing can ever happen between us, besides.”

Christian frowned — why not? — but let it go. If Sai didn’t want to tell him who he was sweet on, Christian would respect him and not pry any further. But lord if the mystery wasn’t going to keep him up that night.

“All right, this has been way too mushy,” Sai declared, standing up. “Want to go home and shoot some stuff in Call of Duty, feel like lads again?”

Christian smiled. “Sounds great.”

Christian couldn’t stop thinking about their conversation all while brushing his teeth and preparing for bed. Eventually, he exited his room and hovered outside Sai’s closed bedroom door. He raised his hand to knock, but hesitated, holding it over the wood while he reconsidered, before rapping his knuckles against the door before he lost his nerve.

“Yeah?” Sai called from inside.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

As he entered, Sai, wearing a t-shirt and shorts, stood from where he’d been sitting on the edge of the bed.

“You okay?” Sai asked. His eyes looked a little puffy but his face was dry.

“Yeah, it’s just… I couldn’t just walk away from that conversation,” Christian replied. “I really hate that you think something’s wrong with you. You’re incredible, and I had to make sure you knew that.”

Sai breathed in sharply and ran a finger under each of his eyes.

“I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself, either,” he said after a moment. “You’re gonna find love again.”

Christian rebalanced himself and moved to clasp his hands behind his back. Sai was being generous, as always, and he discounted his assurances, but it still felt kind of good to hear.

“We’re a real pair, aren’t we,” he said forlornly.

“Yeah.”

Christian shuffled on his feet some more.

“Can I… hug you again, Sai?”

Sai ran one hand up and down his other arm.

“Yeah.”

Christian walked over and wrapped his arms around the slightly shorter man, laying his head on Sai’s shoulder. He breathed in, the air warmed by Sai’s body heat and scented with the smell of clean laundry. Sai gripped around Christian’s torso, the pressure having a soothing effect. They kept hugging, their heads bumping against one another as they leaned into the embrace. This was lasting a lot longer than a normal friend hug, but Christian found himself unwilling to be the first to pull away.

He felt Sai’s hands palm out and began gently massaging his back. It felt quite nice, so Christian did the same, and he heard Sai’s breath hitch beside him. Christian turned his head into Sai’s neck, feeling his dark hair rub against his cheek. Sai moved his head a little too, and before Christian realized they were effectively nuzzling into one another’s neck.

Christian, unsure what exactly was going on between them, pulled his head back until he could look Sai in the eye, their faces just inches apart. Both men shared questioning looks, and it wasn’t until Sai’s gaze dipped to look at Christian’s lips that he realized they were, actually, on the same page.

Christian surged forward, planting his lips on Sai’s mouth. The other man immediately returned the kiss, their mouths clashing urgently between them. It felt so f*cking good and so f*cking right, Christian could hardly believe it. He tightened his arms, pulling Sai flush against him and feeling his hardness growing against his thigh. Christian growled, pulled his mouth away from Sai and pushed his chest hard enough that he fell backward and landed on the mattress, bouncing slightly.

Christian placed one knee on each side of Sai’s hips and bent over him, his face hovering a few inches over Sai’s. His glasses were askew and slightly fogged, and his lips glistened with saliva from Christian’s aggressive ministrations. Christian growled, going in for another kiss that had Sai moaning beneath him.

After a minute or so of roughly making out, Christian shifted his weight to his left arm and snaked his right arm down between them until—

He woke up with a start. Christian was in his own bed. His phone indicated it was 3:23 a.m. His heart was racing and he was rock hard and leaking in his briefs.

Christian sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, rubbing his eyes and sighing in frustration.

Okay. Well.

One sex dream about Sai was just a weird fluke, some crossed wires in his brain.

Two sex dreams about Sai were a coincidence, to be swept under the rug.

Now he’d had a third sex dream about Sai… f*ck, Christian needed to talk about this with someone.

It was time to hear from Nick Spring-Nelson.

Chapter 8

Chapter Text

Christian McBride [14:22]: Hey Nick, don’t suppose you could meet up for drinks sometime soon?

Nick Spring-Nelson [16:01]: Ooh, a lads hang! I’m available Tuesday.

Christian McBride [16:03]: Tuesday’s great, say 6 at the Red Dragon?

Christian McBride [16:03]: And it’s not all the lads, just us. I need to talk something over with you.

Nick Spring-Nelson [16:04]: Is everything OK??

Christian McBride [16:04]: Yeah, yeah, it’s nothing bad.

Christian McBride [16:05]: But you know what, can Charlie come too? I know you tell him everything and so he might as well hear it too.

Nick Spring-Nelson [16:08]: If you ask me not to tell Charlie something I promise I won’t.

Christian McBride [16:10]: I appreciate that, but I think I’d like his advice too.

Nick Spring-Nelson [16:43]: I just checked and he can come too. He also said he’s very intrigued by this request.

Nick Spring-Nelson [16:43]: And actually so am I. 🤨

Christian was already seated in a booth at the back of the pub when Nick and Charlie arrived, nursing a pint and staring at nothing so hard he didn’t notice them until they were right on top of him. It was a quiet Tuesday evening, so they had plenty of privacy tucked away in the back.

Nick went to the bar to snag a cider for himself and some white wine for Charlie, and they chatted idly with Christian for about 15 minutes before he apparently worked up the courage to get to the point.

“So… uh, about why I asked you guys here.” He downed his pint, then continued to sit there, silent, his eyes darting back and forth.

“Chris, are you okay?” Nick asked. “Wait, is something wrong? Are you sick?”

“No, I’m not sick, you noodle,” Christian said. “It’s, uh… I don’t know how to… I have a crush on someone and I don’t know how to process it.”

“Why? Is it me?” Nick asked jokingly.

Christian chuckled and rolled his eyes. “No it’s not you, conceited.”

At Nick’s side, Charlie also giggled, the traitor.

“Um, the thing is,” Christian said when he stopped vibrating with laughter, “it’s just that, well, you’re not a hundred percent wrong?”

Nick rolled that around in his head and came up blank. “What are you talking about?”

Christian glanced down at his hands clasped together under the table. There was a few moments of silence and then —

“It’s a man,” Charlie said. Nick’s eyes darted over to his husband, who was squinting at Christian. Across the table, Christian’s eyes shot up to meet Charlie’s.

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

Okayyyyyyy. This is not where Nick thought this evening was going. He started trying to figure out how to react to this, how Christian would want him to respond, but before he could —

“Is it Sai?” Charlie asked, tilting his head slightly.

Christian nodded, then buried his face in his hands.

Nick.exe promptly stopped working.

Truly, Nick could not have been more bowled over than if Harry Greene had walked in holding hands with Kate Middleton.

Okay, he would be more bowled over if that happened.

But this was pretty surprising, too.

Nick glanced over at Charlie and immediately recognized the look on his husband’s face. He had first seen it more than a decade ago. In Charlie’s bedroom, the morning after they’d first kissed, a few moments after their second kiss (hmm… third kiss? Did they count Harry’s party as one or two kisses? Because if it was two — nevermind, more important things right now). Nick had been soaking wet, having been so dead set on seeing Charlie in person that he’d barely noticed the torrential rainstorm he was running through. Charlie had been rambling about how Nick must have felt pressured to kiss him and could Nick ever forgive him, so Nick kissed him again to, one, shut him up, and two, duh, he really wanted to. And then it had been Nick’s turn to ramble. He honestly hardly remembers half of what he said, though something about a “proper full-on gay crisis” is forever lodged in his mind.

And the look Charlie gave him after he said that, when Nick was sitting on his bed crying and wailing about being confused — that’s basically the one he sees on Charlie’s face right now, directed at Christian. Empathy, understanding, compassion, warmth, support, kinship, kindness. The expressions splashed across Charlie’s face like a Monet painting.

The only element missing from Charlie now is that attraction he had felt for Nick.

Good god, Nick loved Charlie Spring (Spring-Nelson!) with every ounce of his being, and then some.

But, he thought, ripping his eyes away from Charlie, this wasn’t about them.

“Okay. So. You have… romantic feelings for Sai?”

Christian nodded. “Romantic and… sexual. There have been… dreams.” He turned beet red and avoided making eye contact.

“Okay,” Nick said calmly. That was going to take some digesting later.

“And I’m… confused. And I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m going insane and I’m possibly falling for my best friend, and he’s a guy and that’s new, so…”

“So you called the experts on all that?” Charlie replied.

Christian chuckled despite his obvious discomfort and nodded.

“Well, what do you want to do?” Nick asked. “Do you want to do anything at all?”

“I don’t know. I don’t really know what my options are. Although ignoring it for the past few months hasn’t caused it to go away, so. I don’t know.”

Nick thought for a minute. Is it possible Christian is misinterpreting his own feelings?

“I’m going to ask something, but I want to make sure you know that I believe you, and I’m not doubting you or second-guessing you, okay? I’m just trying to clarify," Nick said. Christian nodded. "Are you sure what you’re feeling is attraction? With your divorce, and your move, I know you’ve felt lonely. It’s only natural to fill that space in with someone else, particularly when you're in close quarters.”

“That’s what I thought for a while,” Christian said. “I figured it was just me not wanting to be alone, latching onto one of the people I’m closest to. But what I feel about him is… different than how I’ve felt about Sai for all the years we’ve been friends. It’s not just the… physical stuff. I mean, I always said he could get it, but now I really mean it? I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. The other thing is… I want to be around him — with him — all the time. Not just that way, I mean, hanging out. We already spend a lot of our free time together, but I always like getting home after work and seeing Sai. Always. It reminds me of. Well, how I felt at first with Charlotte. Giddy, distracted. Oh f*ck, I really think I’m falling for him!”

Christian had been rambling for a while, and it seemed to be helping him so Nick and Charlie hadn’t interrupted. But he appeared to have come to the end of his thought process for now.

“Okay, you’ve got feelings for him. How does that make you feel?” Charlie asked.

“Um. Scared. And also sad.”

Nick and Charlie shared a glance.

“Because you might be queer?”

“What? Oh, no, not really,” Christian replied. “I mean, this is a little bit of an identity crisis, and that’s going to take some time. But like, you guys know I’m down with the LGBT. Even if I never thought that might include me… Ugh, sorry, didn’t mean to rhyme there.”

Nick and Charlie smiled.

“Okay, so then why do you feel scared and sad?” Nick asked.

“Um, well, scared because what if this f*cks everything up? Sai is my best friend. I don’t want to jeopardize that. If he ever found out about how I feel… it could change everything.” Christian paused for a beat. “And it makes me sad because… I mean, he’s straight. Nothing can ever happen.”

“Wow,” Charlie said. “You’re exactly like me, circa Year 10. The resemblance is uncanny.”

Christian rolled his eyes. “But Charlie, do you know how insanely lucky you were that it worked out that Nick was into guys too? I mean, statistically speaking, most people are straight.”

“It is an unfortunate fact of life,” Charlie admitted. “But here’s a question: Are you sure Sai is straight? I mean, has he ever actually said that?”

Christian thought for a minute, then shook his head.

“Not that I can recall, but I mean —”

“Well don’t assume anything, is my point,” Charlie said. “Plus, people’s sexualities can change. I bet a few months ago you would have sworn you were straight. So who knows?”

“I’m not sure Coach Singh would like this conversation,” Christian said. Nick scrunched up his face at the out-of-left-field reference to their old Truham rugby coach. “She once caught me and Sai and Otis speculating about you two, back in school, before you were out. Supportively, mind you! We were always rooting for you, as soon as we had an inkling. But still… she said it was very rude to speculate about people’s sexualities.”

“Well, this isn’t idle gossip, we’re talking about the object of your desires,” Nick said, cringing a little at that term. “And we’re explicitly saying we don’t know. Us, his best friends, don’t know anything for sure.”

The three men fell silent for a minute, absorbing the wild ride they’d just been on.

“You know, I need another drink after all that,” Christian said, putting his hands on the table and preparing to stand.

“I’ll get them,” Nick said, popping up.

“And I need the loo real quick,” Charlie said, sliding out after him.

The bar was a little more crowded now, and it took Nick a couple of minutes of waiting to get their next round. When he picked up the three glasses and turned around, he saw Charlie off to the side watching their table. Following his line of sight, Nick saw Christian on his phone, lit from the front by the display and bearing an easy grin.

“Who’s making you smile like that, then?” Nick asked teasingly as he placed the drinks on their table.

Christian slid his phone back into his pocket.

“No comment,” he said, but he couldn’t stop his lips from tipping up.

Okay, then, Nick thought. Surely it was some text from Sai. That seems like a good sign.

He raised his glass and held it in the middle of the table.

“Cheers, queers!” he said, and they all giggled and took a sip.

“So do you think this means I’m, I don’t know, bisexual like you?” Christian asked, setting his glass down.

“Only you can answer that,” Nick said. “There’s no one right way to be bisexual.”

“It’s just… Sai is the only guy I’ve ever liked.”

“Bisexuality isn’t necessarily 50/50,” Nick replied. “You could like a thousand girls before and one guy, and that’s still perfectly valid.”

“You also don’t have to figure it out now… or ever,” Charlie added. “Some people find labels helpful and some don’t. And ultimately you don’t owe it to anyone to tell them if you don’t want to. Even us.”

Nick hummed in agreement.

“Is bi different from pan? Like Imogen?” Christian asked.

Nick thought for a moment. “Well, bi or pan can mean different things to different people. But I think they have pretty much similar meanings now: That you like more than one gender, or all genders, or that gender doesn't matter to you when it comes to attraction. So you can pick whichever feels right to you, I guess. If you want to pick at all.”

“You think you’re going to be okay?” Charlie asked.

“Um. I don’t know. Maybe?” Christian replied. “About the bi stuff… yeah, I think so. I know this one guy who’s bi and he’s pretty great.” Nick grinned as Christian continued. “About what to tell Sai? Or if I should at all? I don’t know.”

“Sleep on it. Spend time thinking about it. You’ll know what the right thing is to do eventually,” Charlie said. “And in the meantime, we’re always here for you.”

“Can I hug you?” Nick asked, unable to keep a quiver out of his voice.

“Yeah,” Christian choked out.

They scooted out of the booth and Nick wrapped Christian in one of his patented bear hugs, squeezing his friend assuredly, trying to telepathically transfer to him a welcoming message of warmth and support.

Nick finally unlocked his arms, instead grabbing Christian by his biceps and locking eyes with him.

“No matter what happens… you’re welcome here and you’re loved, okay?”

A tear fell from Christian’s eye, and wiped it away while laughing. “You’re such a sap, Nelson, lord.”

Nick laughed as well. “Fair enough.” He let go of Christian. “Hey, did I ever tell you about how I came out to Charlie? Or, well, the first time?”

Christian shook his head. “Um, I don’t think so,” he said as he and Nick slid back into their seats. Nick grabbed Charlie’s hand between his own and smiled at him before turning back to Christian.

“It all started at Harry Greene’s sixteenth birthday party…”

🏉🏉🏉

Sai Verma [21:58]: Hey guys, sorry to bother you so late but I wanted to text before I forget. Can we three meet up sometime? I need some advice.

Charlie Spring-Nelson [22:05]: Everything okay?

Sai Verma [22:05]: Yeah, fine. I just need to talk about something.

Nick Spring-Nelson [22:08]: You want to join us for a walk with Daisy on Saturday morning, 10 o’clock?

Sai Verma [22:08]: That’s perfect.

Nick Spring-Nelson [22:09]: Great! See you at Walters Park, the southeast entrance.

Nick and Charlie put their phones down on their bedside tables. They had both been in bed reading when Sai’s text came in.

“Well,” Charlie said. “This is interesting.”

Nick tilted his head. “You don’t think…”

Charlie shrugged. “Guess we’ll find out in a couple days.”

That Saturday morning was sunny, not too hot and with a nice breeze. Nick, Charlie and Daisy had only been waiting a few minutes when Sai appeared, hugging each of them in greeting and kneeling down to play with the excited pup.

They started strolling through the park, not keeping up much speed as Daisy was busy sniffing every square inch of the grass and bushes. Sai caught them up on his parents, and he and Nick talked about professional rugby for a bit while Charlie clearly zoned out.

Eventually, Nick decided to take a tiny risk to try and jump-start the conversation. If he was wrong, it would play off like a normal question.

“So where’s Christian? Seems like you two are a collectible set these days.”

Sai’s face ticked ever so slightly. “His sister is visiting their parents, so he’s out with them for the day.”

Nick just hummed and they kept walking for a few moments, giving Sai whatever time he needed to start.

“I’m pansexual,” Sai suddenly blurted out.

Nick and Charlie were so taken aback by the declaration that they immediately stopped walking. Charlie was yanked forward a bit when Daisy, who was more interested in sniffing the grass than reacting to Sai's announcement, reached the end of her leash.

“I — that, that’s amazing! Come here,” Nick finally reacted, stepping over and issuing one of his patented bear hugs. Charlie followed it up with a gentler but no less warm embrace. Not to be left out, Daisy then jumped up and put her forepaws on Sai’s waist until he bent over to pet her.

“Thank you for sharing that,” Charlie said. “Are we — have you told anyone else?”

“No, you’re the first.”

Obviously Christian hadn’t been aware, at least not when they saw him the prior week. If he had known, surely he wouldn’t have gone on so long worrying about Sai not being able to return his feelings.

Which of course led Nick to wonder.

“Is this something you recently figured out?”

“Um, no,” Sai replied sheepishly. “I’ve known since… uh, since uni? After Imogen said she was pan, it just. I don’t know, things just clicked into place in my head. I thought it over for a while and eventually it just felt right.”

“Wait, Imogen gets the credit?” Nick said with mock affront. “Uh, wasn’t I your big inspiration? I came out years before she did!”

Sai’s eyes bugged out a bit. Apparently he thought Nick was being serious.

“I’m just joking, darling,” Nick said reassuringly.

“Right. Yeah,” Sai said, breathing a quick sigh. “Maybe I should have. I just… I don’t know, I guess I needed the stars to align or whatever.”

“So… was this purely informative or is there a specific reason you decided to come out today?” Nick asked.

“Um, yeah. The thing is… I’ve developed feelings for… a man.” Nick and Charlie shared a look. They both wanted to blurt out their guess, but each was clearly clamping his mouth shut. Although Charlie had legitimately guessed about Christian’s crush, this time it seemed like insider trading or something. Sai was going to have to cough it up on his own.

Nick hummed noncommittally when Sai didn’t immediately continue.

“It’s Christian,” he finally said.

Nick was grateful that Sai was looking down and avoiding their gaze after saying that, because surely his face would have betrayed his secret knowledge, knowledge he and Charlie could in no way share with Sai. That was entirely Christian’s to share, if and when he ever wanted to. He looked around again to see if Harry Greene was frolicking in some nearby field with Kate Middleton, just in case. (The coast was clear.)

Nick was going to have to put on an Emmy-worthy performance for this one.

“That is… definitely interesting,” Nick said cautiously.

“Yeah, I — wow,” Charlie said, completely believably.

“When did that all start?” Nick asked.

“Um, I’m not a hundred percent sure, to be honest. Probably before I invited him to move into my spare room. Which maybe wasn’t the best thing to do when I thought I might be falling for my best f*cking friend.”

“So like, you haven’t been pining since Truham? Or Durham?”

“No… I don’t think so. I mean it’s hard to tell, we’ve always been close. But I feel like something’s changed. I feel… well, I started feeling the spark.”

“The spark?” Nick asked.

“It’s what I call it when I actually want to be with someone. You know, for more than just… sex,” Sai said, lowering his voice and looking around, although there wasn’t anyone in earshot. “I mean, I slept with girls in college, like you do. Well, not you. And some more since. But I never wanted to take it beyond that. The only time I ever felt really interested for someone other than some fun before was… Imogen.”

“Really?” Nick asked. “Sorry, I’m not doubting you, I just… well, I may not be the best guy for advice here. The very first person I fell in love with was my soulmate.” He reached out and squeezed Charlie’s hand, sharing a sappy smile. “And I know that’s rare — at least in society at large, I know our friend group actually has a weirdly high rate of that… Anyway, I really only have one, statistically improbable relationship to go off of.”

“Maybe you could tell us a little more about this ‘spark,’” Charlie said.

Sai thought for a beat. “Oh, you know. It’s just that thing where you might be physically attracted to people but you’d almost never actually want to be in a relationship with them. I’ve only felt that once before, with Imogen… and again now.”

Charlie hummed. “Honestly I’d say I had the opposite experience. Before Nick, I used to imagine myself in a relationship with basically any cute guy who looked at me. Classmates, waiters, cinema employees. One little smile and I’d be dreaming about us having a cottage and a dog someday.”

Nick nodded his head in agreement. He’d had some similar experiences before meeting Charlie — and definitely with Charlie himself, though that obviously had worked out.

“Maybe I’m just really picky?” Sai wondered.

They walked in silence for a bit as each man thought, when Nick suddenly pointed and said, “Char, look, it’s our tree.”

Sai and Charlie followed the direction of his finger over to an enormous old tree trunk lying on the ground.

“We used to come here all the time in school when we wanted to be alone,” Nick explained to Sai. “Ironically, this is where I asked Charlie about how he knew he was gay. I had a lot of confusing emotions at the time and was just starting to toss the word bisexual around in my head.”

“Come on, let’s go sit,” Charlie said, starting toward their old spot. “I actually might have an idea that could help you, Sai.”

The three men settled down in a triangle facing one another. Daisy promptly flopped down in front of Sai, demanding — and receiving — belly rubs.

“So,” Charlie said when they’d gotten comfortable. “I have a theory, if you want to hear it. I’m not saying this is definitely you — only you can decide what you are, if you even want to decide at all. But… maybe this might help.”

Sai nodded tentatively. “Okay.”

Charlie cleared his throat and settled his hands on his knees as he sat cross-legged. “So you’ve felt sexual attraction lots of times before. And you’ve had sex lots of times.”

Sai flushed red. “I don’t know about lots…”

Charlie also blushed. “Yeah, sorry, I just meant… you’ve acted on it sometimes, and liked it.”

“Yeah.”

“But you’ve almost never wanted to do relationship-y things with those people? The only people you’ve felt a desire to really date, be a couple with, whatever that means to you — have been Imogen and now Christian?”

“Yeah.”

Charlie leaned back on his hands and breathed out.

“Sai, I think you might be demiromantic.”

Sai looked quite confused.

“I’m… what? What does that mean?”

“It’s a term for people who only want to be in a relationship with someone once they already have a strong emotional bond. Based on everything you said, I think that might be you.”

“Isn’t that normal?” Sai asked. “I mean, doesn’t everyone wait to get into a relationship until they know they like the other person?”

Charlie shook his head. “Yeah, but this is different. I think non-demi people often feel a desire to be in a relationship even if they don’t know the other person well. That’s a big part of the dating process, I suppose.”

Sai gazed into the distance, processing everything Charlie had said.

“And this doesn’t conflict with being pansexual?”

“Nope,” Charlie replied. “You know about sexual orientation. Do you know about romantic orientation?”

“No?” Sai replied hesitantly. “Wait, maybe? You always say Isaac is ‘aroace.’ Is that what this is?”

“Yeah!” Charlie said with a grin. “‘Aroace’ means aromantic asexual. Aromantic means someone who doesn’t feel romantic attraction. And romantic attraction is sort of like sexual attraction, except instead of being physical and sexual, it’s about who you want to have romantic contact with. Basically, be in a relationship with.”

“And those can be different things?”

“Absolutely! Wait, hang on.” Charlie whipped out his phone and dashed off a text message to someone, then looked back up at Sai. “A lot of people’s sexual and romantic orientations align. I’m hom*osexual and hom*oromantic, which means I desire both sex and relationships with men. Well, one man, anyway.”

Charlie beamed a sweet smile at Nick, who rolled his eyes but reached out and squeezed Charlie’s hand.

“And Nick is bisexual and biromantic,” Charlie said. “Or at least, I assume, I guess we’ve never explicitly discussed it. Sorry.”

“I suppose I am,” Nick replied.

Charlie’s phone dinged. He looked at it, smiled and fired off another quick text before looking back up at Sai.

“But some people’s orientations differ,” he said. “My sister says it's okay to share this. She’s asexual, but heteroromantic. Meaning she doesn’t experience sexual attraction, but does desire relationships with men. Hence, her partner, Michael.”

Nick was impressed. Tori was a very, very private person. Those were things he only came to know for sure recently, and only then because he was literally family.

Sai was pensive. Nick knew he, like most of their friends, knew relatively little of Tori, and had once confided to Nick that he was a little scared whenever their paths happened to cross (Nick for years had felt similarly).

“And so I can be sexually attracted to anybody, but demiromantic would mean that I don’t feel… romantic attraction to someone… wouldn’t want to do couple-y things… until we have a strong emotional connection already?”

“Uh, basically, I think so,” Charlie said. “You were already friends with Imogen. And you were already friends with Christian. And you said you never felt that spark with people you didn’t know very well, even if you slept with them.”

Sai suddenly pitched backwards, laying flat on his back on the ground. Daisy got excited, since that was how Nick and Charlie indicated to her at home that they could “wrestle,” so she ran over and jumped all over Sai’s chest. He barely stirred, only moving his arms enough to keep her from landing on his face.

Nick shot Charlie a worried glance.

“Sai, if that doesn’t sound right to you then you can say so, it’s just a theory I had based on what you said. So I may be way off. I’m not trying to place a label on you, just… give you options.”

A few snickers, barely audible, were followed by outright giggling as Sai convulsed beneath Daisy.

He sat back upright and resumed laughing while petting Daisy. Soon, Nick and Charlie’s worried looks turned into pleasant grins.

“I think you f*cking nailed it, Charlie,” Sai said. “Years — years! — I’ve puzzled about myself, always failing to figure it out, thinking I was broken — although I’m still not really convinced I’m not. And you waltz in here and unlock my code in like 15 minutes. Cripes, I should have talked to you guys years ago!”

Nick stopped laughing.

“Sai — you’re not broken!”

His friend, still grinning, wobbled his head uncertainly.

“I don’t know…” he said, letting Daisy go and taking off his glasses to wipe his watery eyes.

“You’re not, you’re really not,” Charlie replied. “Demi orientations basically fall under the ace umbrella, so if you ever wanted to talk to anyone besides us, I’m sure Isaac or Tori could help.”

“Or Imogen,” Nick chimed in. “For your pan side. You know she’d help you.”

“All… good suggestions, thanks. Of course, there’s still the problem of me falling for my straight best friend. Not sure what to do about that.”

Nick and Charlie glanced at one another, their faces frozen.

“We can’t tell you what to do about Christian. Only you can decide that,” Nick said.

“But consider this: When I met Nick, I thought he was straight. And so did he.”

“Oi!” Nick yelped. “Although… yeah, it’s a fair cop.”

“Thanks, guys,” Sai replied morosely. “But you’re obviously blinkered by what happened with you two. Lightning like that doesn’t strike twice.”

Nick felt like he had a grenade in his chest. All he had to do was say that Christian liked Sai back and everything would be fine. But it wouldn’t be fine. He couldn’t break Christian’s confidence. Or Sai’s. And besides, he tried to imagine what outside influence might have done to him and Charlie when they were first tangoing around one another in school. It could have worsened the pressure Nick felt. What if it had driven him away completely? No, this was something Christian and Sai needed to work out on their own. All Nick could do was lend a shoulder (or both shoulders) and pray that his friends would find one another.

Sai tucked his legs under himself and stood up. Nick and Charlie followed suit.

“Do you want to come back to ours?” Nick offered. “We were just going to hang out today, laze about. Join us! And Daisy could cuddle with one of her favorite uncles.”

“Yeah, you’re very welcome, you’d be a great excuse to put off this manuscript I’m supposed to be marking up,” Charlie added.

Sai seemed to contemplate it, but shook his head.

“Thanks, but I think I need time to digest. Do some googling. Be alone.”

“Okay, well, our door’s always open.”

Sai held out both arms. Nick and Charlie stepped forward for a three-way hug that must have lasted 30 seconds.

“Okay,” Sai grunted, pulling back. “I’m going the other way, so I’ll see you guys later.”

“Bye,” Charlie said.

“Good luck,” Nick added.

Sai got half a dozen steps before he stopped and turned back. “Hey Charlie, would you thank your sister for me, for sharing? I really appreciate it. It helped.”

“Of course,” Charlie said.

Nick and Charlie stood holding hands until Sai was out of sight.

“Holy sh*t,” Nick said.

“Yup,” Charlie replied.

Nick narrowed his eyes and felt a grin curl his lips. He couldn’t outright say anything. But maybe he could just do a little gentle influencing. Perhaps —

“Nicholas, I can see the gears turning from here,” Charlie broke in. “I forbid you from meddling. I know you have a streak of Darcy in you but you can’t interfere.”

“But Charlie! They like each other!”

“Ah ah! Promise me. No meddling.”

Nick pouted. “Fine.”

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

Sai laid on his bed, both hands tucked behind his head as he stared at the ceiling, thinking. He’d been lying there for hours, and before that puttering around the flat or sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the wall. His conversation at the park with Nick and Charlie was eating up all his brain’s processing power.

It wasn’t so much the demiromanticism that was throwing him, although that deserved some chewing over. But just that he had finally voiced his feelings aloud, and doing that with Nick and Charlie had really hammered home to Sai that this wasn’t something fleeting.

Part of Sai’s difficulty in processing all this was that it sometimes really seemed like Christian might possibly feel the same way back. It was crazy even to suggest that — the odds must be astronomical — but Sai felt like he was catching Christian looking at him a lot more than he used to. He never showed any interest in any women, instead preferring to spend practically all of his free time with Sai. And their post-match celebratory hugs had been getting longer and, frankly, a little handsier. Nothing, like, suggestive or inappropriate. But he’d been hugging Christian every now and then for over a decade, and something was changing.

He’d never even really let himself actively think those thoughts about Christian, worried that he was headed the wrong direction down a one-way street. But try as he might, the thoughts kept coming back. Wanting to run his fingers across Christian’s arms and chin. Wanting to stare into his eyes without awkwardness. Wanting to hug him, kiss him. f*ck him.

Okay, so he was actively thinking on and off about what shagging his best mate would be like.

Maybe that was in part because Sai already knew what Christian sounded like when he came.

He hadn’t thought about this in a long time. Correction: He hadn’t let himself think about this in a long time. But now he needed to remember, or he might go mad.

Back when they were roommates at Durham, they’d often go out together, joint wingmen, on the pull. Plenty of times, one or both of them would be successful, either going back to the girl’s place or texting a “👔” to claim their room for the night, an homage to the classic-slash-cliche tie on the doorknob. (Not that it’s a competition, but Christian was “sexiled” just as often as Sai was.)

Then sometimes, neither of them would be able to get their leg over, and they’d return home, usually somewhere between sozzled and plastered. Sometimes they played video games or had those infamous late-night talks, the kind of rambling discourse that can only happen between uni students in the wee hours in the dorms. Sometimes, they’d be tired, and just go to bed. And sometimes, once they were under their respective covers and the lights were out…

They would. You know. Bash the bishop. Have solo slap and tickles.

Wank, cripes.

Separately — they always stayed in their own beds, touching only themselves, providing their own pleasure. But, also, undeniably — together. Feeding off one another’s horniness. The rustling noises of their fists moving under bedsheets. Little gasps, suppressed enough to make it clear they meant to keep it down, yet loud enough for the other to know exactly what was going on. And eventually, the undeniable noises of org*sm, which they frequently reached in close proximity to one another, goaded on, perhaps, by the idea of their friend reaching climax. The awkward, surreptitious tissue clean-ups. The stink of sex suddenly filling the room, both of them pretending not to notice it, just as they pretended those moments didn’t happen except when trapped in the heat of them.

On those nights, testosterone sloshed around the room like a haphazardly held martini.

The rampant hormones of horny young men can cause some unexpected things to happen.

That all stopped in senior year, when Christian became really serious about Charlotte and Sai was discovering his pansexuality and wondering what the implications were regarding, uh, all that. It was never something he'd figured out, and after they graduated and lived apart, it left his mind, or perhaps was removed from it.

Reliving all that, of course, had left Sai hard as a rock. It had been a few days since he last… — more than a few, actually — and he found that despite thinking about other things like the World Cup and the municipal property tax referendum, his erection did not go away.

Might as well lean in, he thought.

Sai stood, locked his bedroom door just in case, and stripped before lying back down.

Stupidly, he let himself relive those forbidden university memories. He even pretended, just for the fantasy, that it was possible it could happen again.

He thought about the curls of blond hair right behind Christian’s ear. The bony structure apound his collar that framed his throat. The muscles of his chest, and the soft, fair hairs there. The lines of his hips and thighs. Sai continued his mental journey from there as he stroked himself, and it was not long before his release was splashing across his stomach.

Sai lay still as his head stopped spinning and his senses slowly returned. He had, once again, gotten off thinking about Christian. And he liked it. He wanted it to happen more. He just wished he hadn’t gone and fallen for a straight guy, and his best friend and roommate to boot.

His hearing had just about returned to normal when he heard the sounds of someone coming through the front door of the flat — Christian, presumably, back from visiting his parents and sister. Sai slipped out of bed and went into his shower to wash off. As his release was swept off his torso and swirled down the drain, Sai felt his stomach rumble, and recalled that he had barely eaten all day, consumed with thought after his chat with Nick and Charlie.

Clean again, he quickly dried himself and threw on some joggers and a jumper. Stepping into the common area, he saw it was empty, and a light coming from under Christian’s bedroom door. Sai padded over to the kitchen and pulled out some basic ramen, not having the energy for anything more complicated.

As he waited for the noodles to soften, he heard Christian’s bedroom door open, and his friend appeared a moment later in the kitchen doorway.

“Hi,” Christian said.

“Hi,” Sai replied. He turned his head enough to see Christian through his peripheral vision, but didn’t really trust himself not to blush if he looked at him just a few minutes after he’d… done that… while thinking about Christian. Guilt filled him, and Sai was amazed he was maintaining a straight face.

“Little late-night snack?” Christian asked, nodding at the bowl of ramen.

“Something like that.”

“Nice. I just came in for some chamomile, I’m knackered.”

“How is the family? Good visit with your sister?”

“Yeah, good, yeah,” Christian said distractedly. He put the kettle on and perused the tea box for a bit, though Sai wasn’t sure why since he’d already said he wanted chamomile.

“Zoe is engaged,” Christian finally said, not looking at Sai.

“Oh wow, to, uh, Allen, wasn’t it? Allen the actuarial?”

“Heh, yeah,” Christian confirmed, though his laugh was half-hearted. Less. Quarter-hearted.

“Do you feel okay about that?”

“If you mean with Zoe marrying Allen the actuarial, yeah, he’s actually a great guy,” Christian said, pausing for a beat. “If you mean am I ‘okay’ okay… I don’t know.”

Sai watched silently as Christian poured the now-boiling water over his tea and waited for it to steep.

“You’re going to think I’m stupid, but… at one point today I cornered Allen and made him swear that he is in love with Zoe. I mean, they’ve been together for four years, and they’re older than me anyway, but still, I needed to hear it. And he said yes, of course. Smart people make sure they’re in love before they get married.”

“He said that? About smart people?”

“No, I added that part, because I’m the stupid kind of person.”

“Chris,” Sai said sadly. “You’re not. It’s sweet — thoughtful, that you did that for Zoe. Little patriarchal, maybe, but I’ll let that slide.” Sai smirked a little at his teasing, and Christian let a grin appear on his lips for a second before it disappeared.

“I just want to spare her the mistake I made,” he said.

“My mum always said making mistakes can be a good thing, if we learn from them and change,” Sai replied.

“She’s a smart lady,” Christian replied.

Surprising himself, Sai suddenly surged forward, pulling Christian into a tight hug. “I’m sorry you had a sh*t day,” he mumbled into the soft warmth of Christian’s t-shirt. The blond man in turn wrapped his arms around Sai, squeezing lightly and not saying anything.

Sai realized he was latched onto the man he’d just gotten off fantasizing about. Just as suddenly as he’d jumped into the embrace, he let go and jumped back.

“Um, anyway, I was, uh, watching something in my room, so I think I’m just going to take my noodles and go back to that,” he said, trying and failing to sound normal. He grabbed the bowl and utensils and zipped out of there before Christian could respond.

Christian leaned against the counter and sipped his tea.

Sai had acted very strangely. An unexpected hug, then he basically babbled and retreated to his bedroom. Which was unusual, because they were perfectly comfortable hanging out in the same space, even if they were doing different activities.

He worried that he’d made Sai uncomfortable. He’d been acting all maudlin and pathetic, and Sai yet again had to swoop in and cheer him up. He must think Christian is a total sad-sack. And then Christian had really melted into the hug Sai had given him. Straight guys didn’t hug that long — Christian clearly should have let go sooner. That was probably why Sai suddenly put some space between them; he sensed something was up with Christian and wanted out immediately. Christian just hoped he hadn’t figured out the real truth, that he had developed feelings.

Also, lust. Lots of lust.

It was super weird to look at the guy who’s been your best friend for more than a decade and suddenly start wondering what his armpit smells like. The fact that Christian was even having those kind of raunchy thoughts—

Christian sometimes thought it was kind of funny. He’d spent years around Sai, no problem. But now, he was afflicted with inappropriate thoughts when he looked at Sai, his cute glasses, his luscious hair, his thick thighs that Christian certainly didn’t think about being used to crush a watermelon. He’d also discovered what so many “mlm” (a term he’d come across googling stuff about bisexuality) knew — the gray joggers that are so comfortable to wea are both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because, when you’re looking for it, they really do reveal quite a bit about a man. A curse because it makes it hard to hide one’s own arousal.

Dazed, Christian finished his tea, leaving the mug in the sink, and wandered back to his room. He made a half-hearted effort to read, but couldn’t, and then scrolled through Insta for a while, not really looking at any of the pictures.

He’d been building tension ever since Sai had hugged him in the kitchen. And Christian clearly wasn’t going to be able to concentrate — or, he knew from experience, get any good sleep — if he didn’t take care of his little problem.

Well, not so little, he thought to himself with a smirk.

Christian sat up, shucking his shirt and lifting his bum to push his joggers and briefs down past his ankles. He lay back, palming his mostly hard erection, enjoying the pressure and release around his throbbing co*ck.

He tried to focus solely on the pleasurable, physical feelings coming from his dick as his hand stroked up and down.

But try as he might, Christian thoughts kept returning to Sai.

Suddenly, he remembered something he hadn’t thought about for years. The occasions in uni when neither of them would pull but both came home horny. The times they’d fall into their separate beds, turn off the lights, and within minutes start wanking in the same room.

Christian’s face, already somewhat flushed, turned a darker hue of red as he remembered those exploits for the first time in years.

Christian figured more guys did that sort of thing than one might think. He didn’t go to boarding school, but those places were practically mythological among the British for the male-on-male action, spurred on by locking up teenage hormones with the same sex. Uni was pretty similar — two young men, close, sharing a room…

It didn’t mean anything beyond two people seeking release. It’s not like they touched, or even really looked at each other. Sounds, mostly, some smells. It didn’t mean anything. At the time, at least.

Still — you didn’t f*cking talk about it.

But then… Christian could think about it.

Maybe this was part of why he kept having those sex dreams of Sai. He knows a little bit too much about how he moves, how he keens, how quickly or slowly he lasts depending on his mood.

Thinking about those times got Christian closer. As he stripped his co*ck, his feet planting on the bed as his hips thrust into his fist a little, he couldn’t stop his mind from replaying long-locked memories of Sai, sheets rustling as he pulled himself off, groans he couldn’t completely hold back, the way he panted as he came. This should have been forbidden knowledge, but it resided in Christian’s memories, and now at the forefront of his mind.

Strangely, it was a stray memory of Sai laughing at something silly Christian had said earlier that week that pushed him over the edge. The other man’s smile was in his eyes as he whited out briefly, convulsing from his core as he shot white ropes over his torso. Christian had just enough brain power left to bring his free forearm to his mouth to bite it instead of releasing what would otherwise be some pretty loud grunts.

He crumpled back onto the mattress, his senses slowly returning to him. Christian lifted his arm and noticed a clear bite mark indented in his skin; if it didn’t clear by morning he was going to have to wear a long-sleeved shirt to avoid weird questions. For a few moments, he let himself luxuriate in feeling sated.

However, guilt soon enough bloomed across Christian’s skin. When they’d done that together in uni, each man had given an unspoken consent. This time… there were walls between them, but Christian felt awkward about it. It felt kind of exploitative.

And yet he didn’t regret it. Sai was probably straight, and thus would never be interested in Christian — and even if he wasn’t, Christian knew he was a hot mess and had been for a while, and who would ever want to be around that? So, remembering those times together, furtively synchronizing their self-pleasuring, that might be the best he ever gets. At the ripe age of 27, Christian was on the edge of just giving up.

He was too tired to shower, so he grabbed some wipes from his bedside table and cleaned up before pulling the sheets over himself and turning out the light. He lay on his side for a while, having trouble finding rest, until finally he drifted off thinking of thick glasses and silky, dark skin.

Chapter 10

Chapter Text

Sai tried to be good, he really did. After pulling a little overtime at work —he had a bad feeling that this one project was on the verge of becoming truly crazy — he decided to still stop at the gym on his way home, do some cardio and a little lifting, stick to his workout routine, even though he really just wanted to go home and collapse on the couch and watch something on Netflix. Maybe treat himself to something sugary from the snack cabinet.

He tried. So that’s why when Sai arrived at his gym and saw a big sign on the door reading “CLOSED DUE TO WATER OUTAGE,” he broke into a big smile. It was the universe telling him to go home early.

Sai did at least walk instead of take the bus the whole way, so he decided maybe he did deserve those Penguin biscuits he’d squirreled away after all.

Pushing through the front door, Sai noticed Christian sitting on the couch.

“Just me,” he called out, dropping his keys in the bowl next to the door and letting his duffel bag and messenger bag each drop to the floor. “I know I’m back early, but the gym was closed for some water outage. So instead of working out, I’m going to dive into some biscuits and maybe catch up on White Lotus.”

As he spoke, Sai had walked into the kitchen, grabbed the biscuits and meandered back out to the couch, sitting beside Christian. Sai focused on fumbling the plastic packaging open and sliding the little tray out. He stuffed one in his mouth before holding it up to offer some to Christian. That’s when he finally actually looked at his flatmate for the first time since getting home.

Christian was red-eyed and puffy. His lips were drawn into a tight frown, and he was avoiding looking at Sai directly, his eyes instead firmly fixed on the bamboo plant in the corner.

“Woah, Chris, what’s… are you okay?”

Christian glanced down at the coffee table, and Sai’s gaze followed his line of sight to a pile of official-looking paperwork sitting on top of a FedEx shipping folder. On top of the paperwork sat a gold ring. Sai’s eyes darted to Christian’s hand, where he noticed his left hand was bare.

“Chris…” Sai trailed off. He didn’t know what to say. The crackle of the Penguin wrapper in his hands as he set it down on the table sounded like a gunshot going off in their deadly quiet flat.

Christian waved his hand over the paperwork.

“Yup, there it is. I am officially no longer married. To the extent I ever was, I guess.”

Sai felt a lump in his throat. Christian had insisted for a long time that it was really over, but Sai couldn’t imagine everything being tied up neatly in a bow and shipped over by some solicitor felt very good either. Selfishly, Sai wished he could reach out and touch Christian in some comforting way, on the shoulder or the knee, maybe even hold his hand. They were fairly tactile friends, but Sai was beginning to not trust himself around Christian given his burgeoning feelings. And at this particular moment, when Christian was surely so low, with emotions coursing through them both, Sai needed to be extra careful and respectful.

“I think we need something stronger than Penguins,” Sai muttered grimly. He stood — leaving the biscuits on the table; he meant in addition to, not in place of, the treats — and walked over to his bar cart.

He walked over to his bar cart, uncorked the good Scotch and poured some into two of the tumblers there. He thought for a moment, then made them doubles instead. He returned to Christian’s side, handing one to him before sipping from his own glass. They sat silently for a few minutes until both their glasses were empty. Sai refilled them wordlessly.

“Could I have one?” Christian asked, pointing at the Penguins.

“Of course!” Sai replied. He handed one to Christian, who broke off half of it in his mouth and chewed. He looked a little less sad then he had when Sai first sat down.

“These are good,” Christian said blankly, studying the other half of the cookie.

“Yeah,” Sai replied. “You know there’s a way to use them as a straw for milk.”

Christian flipped the other half of the cookie over in his hand, studying the flat biscuit.

“Really? How?”

“Hold on,” Sai said. He jumped up, leaving his Scotch behind, and running into the kitchen for the milk and two new tumblers. Back at the coffee table, he filled them with milk, then held the biscuit tray out to Christian.

“You need a new one,” he said. Christian selected a new cookie, waiting for Sai’s instructions.

“Okay, so, first, bite off just a little bit of the short ends, just enough to get past the chocolate and into the wafer.” Sai demonstrated, and Christian followed suit. “Now, stick one end in the milk, place your mouth over the other end, and suck like it’s a straw.”

Christian looked skeptical, so Sai did it first. It took a second or two before the suction drew the milk up and through the wafer and into his mouth. Having been filtered through the Penguin, the milk was now chocolate instead of plain. Sai moaned lightly to indicate to Christian that it had worked. After a few seconds, he then lifted the cookie up and popped the whole thing in his mouth. What had been dry and crunchy before was now saturated, completely transformed, so much better, honestly.

Christian followed suit, sticking the Penguin into his own milk and sucking on the other end. (Sai tried very hard not to memorize the image of Christian’s cheeks hollowed out a bit from the effort.) After a couple of seconds, his eyes popped open and his lips curled up. He pulled off the cookie and looked at Sai.

“So good!”

“Try the cookie now,” Sai replied.

Christian popped the cookie into his mouth. It was so moistened he didn’t even need to chew, it just dissolved on his tongue. He moaned a little like Sai had before swallowing.

“That’s so good!” he said, turning to Sai. “I’ve been eating Penguins all my life, how come I didn’t do that before?”

Sai just shrugged and smiled, thrilled to see Christian looking more like himself again.

“Give me another,” Christian said, pointing at the tray. “Do you think it would work with Scotch?”

Sai grinned. “Only one way to find out.”

He refilled their glasses again — Sai realized they’d down a good amount of liquor in a short period — and they prepared the biscuits. It turned out yes, it did work with Scotch, and it was quite nice.

“Cheers,” Sai said after he’d downed his Scotch-sogged Penguin. “I never would have thought of that.”

Christian nodded but continued staring off into the distance.

Still, something niggled at the back of Sai’s mind. The Penguins had been a nice little distraction, but he didn’t want Christian to think he was avoiding the issue or ignoring Christian’s feelings.

“Hey, uh… do you want to talk about that?” Sai said, waving toward the ring atop the pile of paperwork.

Christian looked at it for a moment before glancing back up at Sai.

“Um, not really,” he replied, looking down into his glass. “I accepted a long time ago I failed. This is just the proof.”

“You’re being so unfair to yourself,” Sai blurted out.

“I don’t think so,” Christian said, swirling the Scotch around in its tumbler.

“No, I won’t have anyone badmouthing my best friend, even if that person is said best friend,” Sai protested, placing his tumbler down on the table. “You went into that relationship with good intentions. You were honest and clear with her. You were a devoted and caring partner. You went to counseling when things weren’t working. You put in the love, you put in the effort. Just because it didn’t work out does not mean you failed.”

Christian’s eyes looked moist again, though he was still dodging Sai’s gaze. Despite that, his lips curled ever so slightly.

“I like how you always see the sliver of good in me,” Christian said.

“It’s not a sliver, Chris, it’s you. I just see the real you.”

Boy, did that sound melodramatic. Sai realized those emotions he’d tamped down before had sneakily bubbled their way up again without his notice.

“Do you really?” Christian asked.

“I think so,” Sai replied. “Or at least, I want to.”

Christian looked thoughtfully at the remaining Scotch in his glass, then up at Sai, holding his gaze for several long seconds. He threw his head back, draining the glass, before setting it on the table and repositioning himself so his whole body faced Sai.

“Um. I need to ask you something, for my own sanity. You’re almost certainly going to say no. And I will totally accept that, and I hope… that… it won’t make you think about me any differently. But if it does — I’ll understand that too.”

Sai couldn’t even begin to imagine what Christian was about to say. His mind jumped to some of the worst things he could think. Maybe Chris needed to move on, literally, like maybe he’d accepted some job in another country. Or maybe he thought living with Sai was going to cramp his style now that he was back in the dating pool. Or, god, maybe Sai was stifling him, he just couldn’t stand to live with him any longer. Sai felt like an hour had passed in Christian’s pause, even if he knew it had only been a few seconds, and given all the things Christian might be about to say, Sai wouldn’t mind continuing to live in this moment, forever, frozen on that couch.

Finally, finally, time restarted.

“Sai… would you like to… go out with me?”

Huh.

That was definitely not what Sai was expecting.

But if that’s what Christian wanted, who was Sai to say no?

“Oh, yeah, sure. Um… I guess I’d need to change. And it’s a Tuesday, so the clubs will be pretty dead. But you know I’ll always be your wingman.”

Christian huffed and pinched his eyes shut even as he grinned.

“No… no, Sai, that’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t…” Sai replayed in his head what Christian had asked him.

“Sai… would you like to… go out with me?”

Go out with me.

Oh.

Oh.

Wait, what?

“Again — it’s absolutely okay to say no. And I’m sure this is a shock. I’m sorry to put you in this position,” Christian rambled before Sai could fully react. “I just… I just needed to ask you. I need to know for sure.”

Sai’s brain felt like when his laptop was running too many programs and the little fan started whirring like crazy. Was this really happening?

“Are you asking me on a date?” Sai gulped out.

Christian nodded almost imperceptibly, his face unreadable.

“Why?”

Christian barked out a laugh. “Why? Because I like you, that’s why! And I know you’re going to say no but I need to hear you say it so I can stop… wondering.”

“Do you want me to say no?”

“No...”

“Then why do you keep saying that?”

“Because you’re straight!”

“I’m definitely not straight,” Sai quipped without thinking.

Christian’s eyebrows shot up his forehead. Wow, Sai really just said that out loud, huh?

“You’re… what do you mean?”

“Well… f*ck. I’m pansexual. Have been for a few years. Or I mean, I realized it a few years ago.”

Christian’s look softened.

“A few years… but you never said.”

Sai shrugged. “Well, I never, uh, had any interest in acting on it before now. Guess I never really saw the point.”

Christian stared at him.

“Before now… does that mean…”

Sai blushed hard, squeezing his hands together nervously.

“Sai… if I asked to kiss you, what would you say?”

“I’d say… okay.”

A beat.

“Sai… can I kiss you?”

Sai looked up and locked eyes with Christian.

“Okay.” His voice was breathy, light, almost a whisper.

Slowly, Christian lifted his hand up to cup Sai’s jawline, pulling him gently forward and tilting his face slightly until their lips were touching.

Sai Verma was kissing Christian McBride.

For a moment, the two men basically sat with their mouths mashed together. There was a countdown clock with a very short timer on how long they could do that and still pull back, wipe their lips, cough and mutually agree to pretend this whole thing had never happened.

But the countdown clock hit zero, and suddenly, Sai melted into Christian’s embrace, moving his lips against the other man’s, tilting his head to find a better angle, saliva shared between them, even a little tongue action, hints of chocolate and whiskey on Christian’s palate, when suddenly Sai pulled back.

“So, just to confirm,” Sai said, his tongue running over his lips — and yes, Christian’s eyes darted down to watch that. “You… like me. Like like me.”

Christian huffed at Sai’s juvenile vocabulary, his head dropping down for a second before he looked back up at Sai.

“Yes, I like you, Sai. I’ve been feeling some strange stuff for months and it’s taken me a long time to figure it out, but f*ck, yes, I like you.”

“You do?” It’s all Sai can think to squeak out.

Christian nodded. “I do. So… does that mean…”

“I like you, too,” Sai replied.

“Really?”

Sai grinned. “Was me snogging you just now not clear enough?”

Christian laughed. “I just… I don’t know, just didn’t want to assume.”

Sai screwed up his face in confusion.

“Why are we like this?” he exclaimed, and both men broke down into outright laughter.

Sai wanted to pinch himself, this all seemed too good to be true. He’d never really considered that it might be possible Christian could really return his feelings. And a small part of him worried that Christian was going to wake up in the morning and regret this, realize that he’d just made out with his best friend and roommate, some desperate act in a low emotional moment. Sai pushed back on those intrusive thoughts and locked them away. This wasn’t some drunken fumble in a dark room; they’d each had a few, but neither of them was impaired, and they were talking openly and clearly about things. This was a time to trust Christian, Sai decided.

“Boy… this is not how I thought tonight might go,” Christian said with a grin once he’d regained his composure.

“Because you thought I was straight?” Sai asked. He felt kind of stupid now; how different would things be if he’d just been honest with Christian long ago? With himself?

“Yeah, partly that. But also… I’m pretty pathetic right now. That’s not super attractive.”

Sai shook his head vigorously.

“Don’t say that. You are not pathetic. Honestly, you’re the greatest person I know, Chris. I meant what I said earlier. You absolutely amaze me, and you make me feel so happy, I — oh, f*ck, now I’m losing it.” Sai had started tearing up. He hated that Christian thought he was unlovable. He wanted to prove just the opposite, and now it seemed like, miraculously, there was a path forward for them. The possibility was overwhelming him.

Christian scooted closer to him and grabbed the other man around both his arms.

“Sai, you’ve basically been the only good thing in my life these past few months. I honestly don’t know how I would have survived without you. You’re amazing, and you make me happy.”

Sai shuddered a bit, holding back more tears, and locked eyes with Christian. Just through their gaze, the two old friends could say a lot. They tacitly acknowledge how weird this was, falling in l — developing feelings for their oldest and best friend. And how it was scary, for a few reasons, not just the fact that this was both of their first forays into something same-sex. And yet, how it felt right, deep down, like getting under a warm blanket in front of a roaring fire after a long day outside in blustery, chilly weather.

“Will you kiss me again?” Christian asked.

With that, Sai truly was done for.

He glided forward, pressing his lips against Christian’s. They kissed tentatively at first, driven this time not by overwhelming urge but rather long-simmering desire. Soon, though, their movements became more needy, more exploratory. Lips parted, tongues slid, and Sai pushed Christian backward until he was laying on the couch underneath him, their hardnesses pressed against one another, sparks shooting up their spines.

The two men kissed for half an hour, not ready to do more than that. Nonetheless, the evening’s intimacy — physical and emotional — propelled them into a brave phase of their relationship.

Chapter 11

Chapter Text

“I… was not expecting that.”

“Uh. No.”

Sai and Christian sat beside one another on the couch, watching episode 4 of the first season of White Lotus (they were way behind) and had just gotten to That Scene. The scene heard round the world. The rimjob scene.

It was about an hour after they’d confessed each had feelings for the other and made out on the couch like horny teens. They hadn’t wanted to take it any further at that point. Well, both of them were obviously hard, and Christian had to admit feeling Sai’s co*ck pressing against his thigh as they wiggled around on the couch macking was a new and interesting sensation. But everything felt too new and strange. They would need time to figure this out. To figure themselves out.

But it was also, like, too early to go to sleep. So Christian mentioned White Lotus, which Sai had initially walked in saying he planned to watch, and they figured that watching rich American arseholes be petty in Hawaii would be a nice distraction from their burgeoning feelings for one another.

Of course, of course, of course the rimjob episode was next in the queue. (Not that Christian knew that was coming, and he suspected Sai didn’t either given the way he made an “urgg” sound when it happened.

Christian knew of the existence of rimjobs, of course. But he’d never done it, or seen one in action. He wondered if it was like cunniling*s, which he knew from experience and customer feedback that he was pretty darn good at. It’s all about transferable skills these days.

The act itself looked pretty strange, Christian had to admit. When they were suddenly confronted with the hotel manager enthusiastically getting all up in the blond bell boy’s behind business, both men stilled, trying not to react.

“Do you think that… feels good?” Sai asked.

Christian’s face burned.

“I mean… it must, right? Feels like a lot of people do it,” he replied. “Maybe you could ask Nick and Charlie.”

Sai squeaked.

“You think they’ve done that?!” he sputtered.

Christian huffed. “I think at this point, if it’s a possible way for two men to have sex, they probably have done it.”

“Oh god, no,” Sai moaned. “I need more Scotch.”

“Me too, please?” Christian asked.

Sai stood, grabbing both their tumblers. As he bent over the table to pick them up, Christian found himself staring at Sai’s ass through his trousers. He was briefly amused that he could actually just stare now and not have to hide it or feel guilty —not that that stopped him from feeling a little guilty anyway. It was meaty and curvaceous, and Christian found himself feeling some stuff. Suddenly, he was overcome with a vision of him licking a stripe right up main street, his tongue sliding over sensitive nerve endings, Sai bucking involuntarily as Christian pressed—

Okay, his dick was definitely twitching thinking about that. Not that Christian should be letting himself think about that. He was also confronted with an altogether new and very odd sensation. Sitting on the couch, he could feel… Christian wasn’t sure how to describe it. Like a tingling sensation? Coming from his own… you know. Rim. Little zaps of electricity dancing around down there.

Did this mean Christian wanted to be rimmed? This was not something he’d ever felt with Charlotte or any of his other prior sexual partners. Of course, it’s not like a woman couldn’t rim a man (the Ariana Grande “It’s equality” meme flashed before his eyes.) It had just never occurred to him.

There it was again. The tingling feeling. Like ASMR for his arsehole. Christian could feel it running up his spine, goosebumps following on his back and shoulders. Maybe there was some merit to this whole thing.

“Chris?”

Sai’s voice broke him out of his thought storm, and he realized Sai was holding out another glass of Scotch. They must have emptied the bottle by now.

“Cheers,” he said, grabbing the tumbler and taking a sip as Sai sat down again.

Sai picked up the remote and steered away from HBO to Sky Sports. Safe bet there wouldn’t be any rimming there.

A couple of minutes passed.

“Hey, Sai.”

“Yeah.”

“You ever thought about doing… that, before?”

A beat. He could see in his peripheral vision that Sai was red-faced.

“No,” Sai squeaked out.

“Me neither,” Christian said. “Until tonight.”

Sai shot him a look, then downed the rest of his drink and went back to staring at the television.

“Hey, Sai.”

“... Yeah.”

“Would you ever be interested in… having that done to you?”

“... I’m not sure.”

A beat.

f*ck it. In for a penny…

“I think I’d like to have that done to me,” Christian said.

Sai remained perfectly still, staring at the football match airing on the telly, but it felt like heat waves were rolling off Sai and onto Christian, like you feel when you open the oven door to check on the roast.

“Noted,” Sai finally said.

Chapter 12

Chapter Text

Christian first woke when the light outside was still low and blue, well before sunrise. For a moment, he was disoriented; this wasn’t his room. He wasn’t in his bed in Sai’s guest room, he was in Sai’s own bed in Sai’s own room. And oh yeah, Sai was there too, spooned with his back against Christian’s front, his arm slung over Sai’s torso. It was warm and comfortable.

Oh, right, Christian remembers. Last night. The absolute mindf*ck of what happened. The crying. The confessions. The kissing. Their decision to share a bed, even if they hadn’t done anything sexual, finding it too much so soon after revealing their raw neuroses and feelings to one another. That… was a lot for one evening.

He probably should have felt a little panic. He was spooning his best friend, after they shared a bed for the night, after each had basically confessed they were in l— that they liked each other.

He was going to have to more properly deal with the whole sexuality thing later. He was interested to find that acting on it felt good, actually.

More pressing was making sure Sai didn’t regret anything. Christian couldn’t lose Sai. He’d lost a wife to divorce and he’d lived through it, barely. But getting together with Sai… he wasn’t sure he could make it through if they didn’t work out. If Sai came to his senses and realized what a failure Christian was, how he could do way better — deserved so much better. Christian was willing to try, to labor to show Sai he could be a good partner. But if this was some temporary lapse by Sai, then maybe Christian should end things now, when there’s still a chance to salvage the friendship.

That’s some sh*tty thinking, Christian immediately realized. He could practically hear his therapist lecturing him. Already self-sabotaging something potentially amazing because he's afraid of being hurt. Christian knew this wasn’t something Sai had done on a whim, or out of pity. Sai had been clear that he’d developed feelings a while ago. And Christian trusted him. That means he should take it at face value, that he should believe Sai.

Christian also tried to walk away from his fears about not being worthy of love. He’d been working on those for a long time, ever since it became clear Charlotte wouldn’t, couldn’t, love him, no matter how good a partner he was. The spark just wasn’t there. That didn’t mean no one else would ever be capable of loving him. I am worthy of love, Christian chanted in his head like a mantra. Of course, he hadn’t ever expected that person to be his best friend, one of his oldest friends.

Sai.

He never would have predicted this, but now that it had happened, it was almost laughable how obvious it was, he thought. So, what, should they have been furtively hooking up in the Truham rugby equipment shed? (Yes, everyone knew that’s where Nick and Charlie would go for “tackling lessons.”) Did they miss some moment in sixth form, Christian wondered. But then… maybe it couldn’t have happened before now. Maybe he and Sai needed to go through what they’d gone through before they could be in the right place to care for and respect one another in this new, romantic way. Just because Nick and Charlie and some of their other friends had figured out their destinies at Truham didn’t mean Christian and Sai couldn’t find their destiny now.

Sai.

Carefully, Christian let his hand run over Sai’s sleeping stomach gently, feeling his chest puff in and out gently as he slumbered. Both men had changed separately into sleepwear before climbing into bed together; both just slept in athletic shorts and old t-shirts.

From how he was lying, Christian’s face was close to the back of Sai’s head. He leaned forward, daring to sniff, wondering. Sai smelled different than Charlotte, who had always given whiffs of apple and roses, and different from Christian, who used copious amounts of Irish Spring body wash and so always smelled like an emerald meadow. Sai’s scent struck Christian as quite masculine, filled with sandalwood and mint, and a hint of something spicy. Christian smiled; he had no idea Sai had such an enticing fragrance. He was amazed that even after so many years, there were new things to discover about his best friend.

He realized things were going to be different now. Sai and Christian knew plenty of one another’s secrets. But “Sai and Christian” had entire new realms to explore together. Christian had so much more to learn about Sai. How he started kissing gently, then after a while switched tactics and became delightfully aggressive. How his hardness felt pressed against Christian’s thigh on the couch — feeling aroused by that in turn, a new experience in and of itself. How his chest felt as he breathed lightly during sleep. How the nape of his neck smelled in the early morning sun.

Christian was eager to learn more.

He smiled, breathing in Sai’s scent some more as he drifted back to sleep for another hour or two.

When Christian awoke again, he found three things. One, the sun was now up, casting shadows across the room. Two, he was sporting morning wood. And three, Sai was no longer laying beside him, which given his physical state may have saved on some embarrassment.

Before he could wonder where Sai was — and whether he had perhaps fled his own bed and flat in horror — he heard movement in the kitchen, the unmistakable sounds of pans and bowls and silverware being moved about.

Okay, Sai was still here. But did he still…

Christian pushed those thoughts aside for the moment and popped into Sai’s en suite to relieve himself, his turgid state thankfully dissipating. He also took the opportunity to flatten down the bedhead that his short hair had adopted overnight, and squirted some toothpaste on his finger for a poor man’s brush.

Finally, Christian ran out of excuses to linger in Sai’s room, and he emerged into the living space. Hearing Sai moving about in the kitchen, he stepped into the doorway and watched. His back was turned as he worked over the stove, sizzling sounds and delightful scents filling the air. Christian enjoyed letting himself look at Sai, really look at him, directly, not worrying about being caught staring, as he had the past few months. How his shirt gathered around his hips. How his calves flexed as he puttered about making breakfast. The little sway in his hips, like he has a tune playing in his mind.

These were definitely new ways of thinking about Sai, but they were not unwelcome, and Christian was grateful for that. He leaned against the doorframe, one leg crossed over the other, his arms crossed about his chest, and his head bent to the side. An amused expression crossed his face. He wouldn’t mind watching this little show every morning.

Sai flipped what appeared to be pancakes — clarification, banana pancakes, nice! — onto a plate, when he finally noticed Christian observing him from the door.

“Good morning,” he said cautiously.

“Good morning,” Christian repeated, grinning.

“You’re up.”

“I’m up.” He let his grin widen, trying with all his might to telegraph to Sai that everything was okay, that he wasn’t about to freak out.

Sai looked like he was thinking, then flashed Christian a smile that did something new and unfamiliar to his guts.

“You have good timing, I was just about done,” Sai said. “Make some coffee and have a seat.”

Christian fixed himself a cup, and by the time he was done, Sai was indeed setting down plates with banana pancakes, sausages and some sliced melon.

“You really like banana pancakes, huh?” Christian said as he poured syrup over his stack.

Sai considered this. “Sure. I suppose I’d prefer chocolate chip, if I’m being honest.”

Christian tilted his head. “So why do you always make banana?”

Sai blushed. “Oh, well… they’re your favorite.”

“How did you know that?”

“You mentioned it back in… Year 12, I think it was,” Sai said, looking up out of the corner of his eye as he remembered. “I think it was that time Charlie was in the hospital and we all had a big sleepover one weekend to keep up Nick’s spirits. You made us all banana pancakes in the morning because you said they were always the perfect breakfast.”

Christian was astonished. “I can’t believe you remember that. I barely remember that!”

Sai blushed and shrugged. “I remember things.”

Christian chewed another bite of pancakes as he shook his head. “You’re bloody amazing, actually.”

They spent the rest of the meal in relative silence, just eating and enjoying being in one another’s presence. It involved some furtive looks, little giggles, heaps of blushing. Christian remembered coy breakfasts like this early on with Charlotte. Not that he was comparing the two. Not that there was any comparison.

When they were done, he insisted on doing the washing up, making Sai go relax on the couch with a fresh coffee. The dishes didn’t take too long, and soon enough Christian was plopping down next to Sai on the couch, his legs tucked under him.

“So… you’re bisexual?” Sai ventured cautiously after a minute’s silence.

“I mean, I think? It’s definitely girls, and it’s definitely… you,” Christian said, coughing as Sai grinned like a maniac. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this for any other guy, though. Do you think that means I’m not bi? Something else?”

Sai looked thoughtful for a moment, then spoke. “Well, I don’t know if you’re bisexual. But you definitely seem to be Sai-sexual, and that’s good enough for me.”

Christian’s face remained stony as Sai struggled not to giggle. Suddenly, he picked up one of the couch pillows and thwacked Sai with one.

“That was so stupid! I can’t believe you said that!”

“Oh, come on,” Sai said, playfully fending off the pillow attack. “You know you like it.”

Christian relented, throwing his head back and shouting, “Ugh! I cannot believe I caught feelings for such a nerd.”

Sai giggled and blushed all at once.

They stayed like that for most of the rest of the morning, mostly dancing around the elephant in the room, instead just chatting like normal — only this time, they shared a few little touches between them, thighs pressed together, a light grip on the other’s forearm to make a point. Slight changes that completely altered their personal dynamic.

Soon enough, they had to change into their kits and make their way to their Sunday football game.

As they walked, Christian realized their dynamic had shifted back to more of their old interplay, how they acted as friends, not… whatever they were now. More jock-like, bro-like, fewer little smiles and light touches. It wasn’t something Christian had chosen to do consciously, and he hoped Sai hadn’t felt pressured or required to act that way now. But they were back out in public, and their new relationship was perhaps a little too new to broadcast. Scratch that, way too new to broadcast.

Christian was also soon reminded by the phone buzzing in his pocket that they would be not just in public, but around people who knew them — their teammates and also, today, their friends.

Nick Spring-Nelson [11:52]: Charlie and I and Daisy are gonna stop by your game! Come say hi when you see us.

“Nick and Charlie are coming today,” he said, stashing his phone.

“Ah,” Sai said. They walked another half-block in silence before he spoke up again. “Do you mind if, uh, if we don’t say anything to them? About us?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s just that, you know, this is all so new, and I’m not really ready—”

“Sai, I agree,” Christian said. “They don’t need to know anything yet.”

Another half-block.

“Yet?”

Christian shrugged.

“I mean… someday, once we know what this is, we’ll tell people, right?”

Sai looked at him as they walked.

“Someday?”

“Yeah.”

The rest of their walk to the park took place in companionable silence, but Christian definitely noticed a little bit more of a spring in Sai’s step. He hoped his clear vote of confidence in their future had done that. He wanted to be the cause of that more often.

Half an hour later, they were just wrapping up the team warm-up when they spotted the hulking blond and slim brunet walking a golden labrador over to the spectators’ area. Sai told Carl they’d be right back and the two men jogged over to greet Nick and Charlie, with smiles and hugs all around, plus pets for Daisy.

But Nick held onto Christian’s arms after they embraced, squinting a little as he studied the other man.

“Something’s different,” Nick said.

Christian sucked in a breath. “What?”

“Did you… change your hair?”

For a second, he’d been worried Nick had somehow picked up on him and Sai. Of course, he’d confessed his feelings to them, but to Christian’s knowledge, as far as Nick and Charlie knew, Sai was straight and off the table.

“Oh,” he finally replied, deciding to shrug it off, running one hand through his sandy hair. “I just forgot to brush it today, that’s all.”

“Right,” Nick said, though he didn’t look entirely convinced.

“Nick’s like a bloodhound for haircuts,” Charlie chimed in quickly. Christian thought he spotted Charlie lightly smack Nick’s arm, but he wasn’t sure.

“Well, I have to be, you’re always trying to sneak a cut in as if I wouldn’t notice the tiniest change to those curly locks,” Nick said, turning and pulling Charlie for a kiss on the top of his head.

Christian and Sai looked at one another. Usually, before, they did that when Nick and Charlie were being “NickandCharlie” so they could roll their eyes at one another. This time, they locked gazes for a second before each pinked up slightly and looked away.

A couple hours and one lost game later, the four men had settled into an outside table at a nearby pub along the water, Daisy happily plopping down by their feet. Christian had ordered them all a big platter of “condolence nachos” and was happily stuffing himself with cheesy, meaty goodness. They’d already talked through all the latest sports news of interest — Charlie spent much of that time either texting on his phone or staring glassy-eyed at the river, as he always did when he had to suffer through sports discussions — and had settled into small talk about their jobs and lives.

“By the way, did your mum tell you she ran into mine at Tesco?” Nick asked, looking at Sai.

“My mum? No,” he replied. “When was this? I haven’t talked to her since Tuesday.”

“Friday afternoon, I think,” Nick said. “Apparently she asked my mum if you were back together with Imogen.”

“Imogen!” Sai exclaimed. “No, I'm not. I have no idea where that came from.”

“I don’t remember the whole story… something about seeing her in a couple of your Instagram posts recently.”

Christian, watching Nick and Sai talk, smiled very slightly. It was true Sai and Imogen had posted a few pics together. But there were way more featuring Christian. But of course, no one would think strangely about that.

“Argh,” Sai mumbled. “I can’t believe she’s talking to Sarah about my love life… I bet half the bloody county has heard about it from her by now.”

“My mum said she said she didn’t know for sure but she thought Imogen had another boyfriend,” Nick added. “Is there anything I can share about your love life, if this comes up in the future?”

Christian’s smile drooped. Was Nick implying anything? Like — trying to play secret wingman or something? He’d promised not to tell Sai what Christian had shared with them, and he trusted Nick immensely, but his words were concerning. One day he’d tell Sai about his little confession to Nick and Charlie, but it was way too soon. Sai was a lot more assured in his sexuality than Christian was — he’d known years ago he was queer, Christian is only just grappling with that now. Christian didn’t want to remind Sai that he’s totally new to all this, that he needed their friends’ help just to understand his sexuality. It could scare Sai off, he might decide he wants a more mature, established partner.

As those fears raced through Christian’s mind, Charlie accidentally knocked the remains of his cider off the table and all over Nick’s lap. The blond man jumped back, knocking over his chair.

“Oh, god, sorry,” Charlie yelped, grabbing a napkin and pressing it against Nick’s wet trousers. “Come on, let's go to the bathroom and try and get that cleaned up.” He grabbed his husband’s hand and practically yanked him away toward the pub. Nick called out over his shoulder for Sai and Christian to keep an eye on Daisy while they were gone.

They sat in silence for a minute, and Christian snuck a chip with some meat and cheese on it to Daisy, who happily chomped it down.

“Sorry about your mum,” Christian finally said. “If it’s any consolation, I’m sure mine is doing the same thing at the Asda in Holly Hill.”

“I know she means well, but I wish she’d just let me live my life,” Sai said.

Christian, without thinking, reached out and squeezed Sai on the knee, rubbing the skin there gently for a few moments. He wished he could touch Sai more intimately than that while seeking to comfort him, but with their friends back any second—

Speak of the devil. Nick and Charlie emerged from the pub just then. Christian withdrew his hand from Sai’s knee, which was hidden by the table anyway.

“Everything all right?” Christian asked, using his chin to indicate Nick’s stained trousers.

“Oh, yeah,” Nick said, looking down like he’d forgotten about the beverage spilled on him a few minutes ago. “I’m sure a wash will take care of it. Sorry to dash, but I just saw the time and I’ve got a lot of marking to do — or I’ll have a boatload of angry Year 4’s in the morning.”

Sai and Christian both stood to say goodbye.

“Sai, listen,” Nick said, looking slightly sheepish. “Sorry for being... pushy back there. I didn’t mean to stick my nose in it. Just know that if you’re with anyone or not, the only thing I care about is that you’re happy.” Sai nodded and they shared a quick embrace.

“I mean that for all my friends,” Nick said, pulling Christian into another hug. He pulled back, clapped him on the shoulder and reached down to grab Daisy’s leash.

“Come on, girl.”

Sai and Christian gave Charlie quick hugs and watched them head off down the riverbank in the direction of their house.

Sai turned to Christian. “Ready to go home?”

Home. Did he mean the flat where they lived? Because Christian was rapidly coming to think of home not as a specific place.

Chapter 13

Chapter Text

Sai’s recent premonition about a demon project had come to pass, and now he and the rest of his team was pulling serious overtime hours on a complicated project for a demanding client with sometimes contradictory requirements.

Sai arrived home at almost 11 o’clock, completely zonked. He had been debating whether he had the energy to do anything more than simply fall into bed and pass out, but on opening his front door was confronted with a delicious smell that had his stomach rumbling. Those wimp-ass salads his firm had ordered for dinner hadn’t stanched his hunger after all.

“Chris?” he called out, dropping his messenger bag on the couch.

“In here,” he heard from the kitchen. He stepped in and saw Christian stirring a small pot of soup and — oh, bless, the jaffle maker was out and clearly in the process of making a cheese toastie.

“Just heating up some dinner for you,” he said, still facing the stove. “Figured you’d be too tired to cook after working so late.”

Sai was kind of overwhelmed. It was a very simple gesture, but it made his heart melt faster than the cheddar in the toastie.

He walked up behind Christian, wrapped his arms around the slightly taller man’s waist and pressed his forehead against the nape of his neck (god, Sai loved that Irish Spring smell). Christian stiffened at first, but after a couple moments eased into the embrace.

“Thank you,” Sai said. “That’s so sweet.”

“It’s just reheated soup and a toastie, mate,” Christian said lightly. Then he stiffened again. “I mean, Sai. Not mate.”

Sai chuckled. “It’s okay. I knew what you meant.”

Christian turned his head. “Go change into something more comfortable, this’ll be ready when you’re done.”

Sai — reluctantly — dropped his arms and stepped back.

“You want wine?” Christian asked.

“Red, thanks,” Sai replied.

He emerged from his bedroom a few minutes later in joggers and a jumper and spotted a bowl of soup and the sandwich on the table. Sai heard a cork pop from the kitchen, followed by the sounds of wine pouring.

Christian emerged a moment later carrying two glasses of the wine, handing one to Sai.

“Here you go… babe.”

Sai’s eyebrows shot up.

“Babe?”

Christian looked bashful. “I just thought… ‘mate’ really isn’t the right thing anymore, is it? Thought I’d try something new. You hated ‘babe’.”

Sai co*cked his head. “Actually… I kind of liked it.” He blushed, despite himself.

Christian made an impressed face. “Well, well! Then I shall have to use it again… babe.”

“Sounds good,” Sai replied, racking his brain. “Sugarplum?”

Christian snorted some of the wine he was sipping. “Sugarplum?”

“I don’t know, I panicked!”

“Well, ‘sugarplum’ ain’t it, babe.”

“What about… hun?”

“Are you a waitress in an American diner?”

“Mon amour?”

“Copyright infringement on Nick and Charlie.”

“Oh, right. Uh… darling?”

Christian thought for a moment. “I don’t hate it… but I’m not sure we’re that posh.”

Sai squawked. “Not posh enough? Have I offended his lordship?”

“We’re not that posh, I said we!” Christian fired back. “Now stop brainstorming awful pet names and eat your toastie before it gets all cold and congealed.”

Sai rolled his eyes but complied, moaning as he bit into the sandwich. Christian grinned just slightly at that, hiding it behind his wine glass. The two of them sat catching up on one another’s day, but in less than ten minutes Sai was yawning, prompting a big sympathy yawn from Christian.

They cleaned the kitchen together quickly, and before Sai knew it, Christian was lingering awkwardly outside his bedroom door.

They hadn’t shared a bed again in the time since the big damn confession, each man retreating to his own room at the end of the night. They’d agreed to take things slow. So much of this was new to them — the same-sex stuff, the roommate-relationship stuff, the in-love-with-my-oldest-friend stuff, though neither would let themselves even think of using the L-word, even in their own heads. They were still casually intimate in the other living areas, leaning into the touchy stuff, but hadn’t yet slept side by side again.

“Okay, good night,” Christian said as Sai came up to him. He leaned in for a kiss that remained fairly chaste but did go on for about ten seconds.

He pulled back, but Sai grabbed Christian’s wrist as he turned.

“Wait. Um, would you like to sleep with me tonight?” Sai asked.

Christian’s mouth formed a little ‘o’ and Sai realized what it sounded like.

“Oh no, I didn’t mean — sex. I’m, I’m not quite there yet? I just meant sleep, literally.”

Christian leaned against the doorframe and smirked. “What, am I not sexy, Sai? Don’t you like what you see?” He wiggled his hips a little. It was stupidly endearing, and Sai only turned a deeper shade of red.

“I know you know you are,” he said in mock indignation, adding in an eye roll for good measure. “If you don’t want to…”

He twisted away toward his own room, and it was Christian’s turn to grab Sai’s wrist. Sai looked down at Christian’s hand on his arm and back up at his eyes.

“I want to,” he said simply.

Sai slid his arm up until his hand was clasped in Christian’s and pulled him toward his bedroom.

In Sai’s bedroom, they maneuvered to either side of the bed and warily eyed each other.

Sai reached behind his head to pull off his shirt, but stopped short. “Do you mind if I….”

Christian shook his head. “Do you mind if I?”

“No.”

Both men pulled their t-shirts off and dropped them on the floor. It was funny. In school and in uni, they’d seen each other with less on lots of times. Sometimes with nothing on, in locker rooms. But this was a brave (and sober) step up in intimacy. They had been friends, teammates. Now they were… well, neither was sure what they were, but whatever it was, it came with a totally new perspective on one another’s physiques. Each man’s eyes raked over the other’s naked torso. Christian eyed Sai’s supple skin and dusky nipples. Sai, for the first time, let his eyes follow the trail of light hairs from Christian’s chest down his stomach and to the point they disappeared inside his trousers.

Which reminded him…

Sai stuck his thumbs inside the waistline of his joggers.

“Okay if I take these off? I usually just sleep in my pants.”

“Yeah,” Christian choked out. “Me too.”

Sai bent down and pushed until the joggers were low enough he could step out of them. Across from him, Christian undid his belt buckle and shucked his trousers. Sai noticed he was wearing plain black briefs that accentuated his body in sinful ways. Christian appreciatively eyed Sai’s royal purple boxers. When had men’s underwear become so… much?

“Oh, shoot, I need to brush my teeth,” Sai said, suddenly remembering his nightly rituals.

“Oh yeah,” Christian replied.

“Why don’t you bring your toothbrush in here?” Sai replied, waving at his en suite’s door. “I’ve got his and hers sinks. Or, well, his and his.”

Christian blushed and nodded, stepping around his clothes to pop out the door toward his bathroom. And yes, Sai absolutely snuck a peak as he left. He very much enjoyed being able to do that legitimately now.

He walked into his bathroom, and as he squeezed Colgate onto his brush, he thought about Christian, stripped down to his briefs, walking around his flat. It made him slightly dizzy, to be honest. He steadied himself on the counter just before Christian returned, his own brush and paste in hand. Sai nodded, his mouth full of foam, and the two men stood side by side as they continued brushing, each stealing glances of the other in the mirror, as if they needed to steal when both offered freely.

After a few minutes, both spit out the foam and wiped their mouths clean. They exchanged awkward smiles and returned to Sai’s bedroom. Sai plopped down on the edge and pulled up his phone’s alarm settings.

“I have to be up at 5,” he said hesitantly. “I’m sorry.”

“No worries,” Christian replied. “If I can’t get back to sleep, I’ll go for a jog before work.”

Sai smiled and nodded, and the two men slipped beneath the covers, both lying on their backs.

“Good night, babe.”

“Good night… boo.”

“Only on Halloween.”

“Copy that.”

Sai awoke before his alarm the next morning, though only by a few minutes, if the rays of sunlight streaming through his window shades at a flat angle were any guide. He blinked his eyes a few times, getting used to the light. Without his glasses on yet, things were slightly blurry, but Sai had enough close-range acuity to see his bedmate well enough. He was lying on his side, facing Christian, who in turn was lying on his side facing Sai. They weren’t touching but for Christian’s hand, which was gently but securely gripping Sai’s own forearm in between them.

Sai shifted slightly, and the movement apparently roused Christian, who pulled his hand back to rub his eye. After a moment, he dropped his arm back down and looked at Sai across from him.

“Morning,” Christian croaked out, his voice crackling, not yet warm.

Sai looked at the early light streaming through his golden hair.

“Morning… sunshine.”

Christian smiled and then smooshed his face into the pillow. Turning back toward Sai, he mumbled out, “Because I’m blond.”

“Because you’re blond,” Sai repeated. He didn’t tell Christian the other, more metaphorical — super sappy — meaning behind the nickname.

But he couldn’t help but gaze at Christian fondly as he thought about how his life had gotten so much lighter with Chris back in it. The other man looked around, a little awkward under Sai’s scrutiny, but eventually softened into it, holding his gaze. Sai felt Christian’s fingers flutter lightly over the forearm still laying between them; the gossamer touch gave him goosebumps, and he shivered slightly despite sharing body heat under his duvet. Feeling that, Christian suddenly pushed himself up and over slightly, now perched on his side directly flush with Sai. Their eyes met again, and Christian silently signaled for permission, which Sai instantly gave. He leaned his face forward until his lips brushed against Sai’s with a feather-light touch. Sai sucked in some air, and Christian moved in to firmly connect their lips. They kissed gently, each ignoring the other’s morning breath. Then — Sai wasn’t really sure how — the kissing got more intense. Christian moved one hand to his chest and pushed until Sai was on his back, and Christian maneuvered himself to almost hover over Sai, keeping his hand on his pectoral. Sai wondered just how far things might go this morning when —

His phone alarm went off. Both men startled, and Christian fell back to his side of the bed, breathing heavily. Sai scrambled to pick up the phone and silence the alarm. Sitting up on the edge of his bed, he also slipped on his glasses, and put both hands around the back of his head. Suddenly, he felt Christian’s finger press against his lower back — very low — and trail upward to the nape of his neck. The movement made him pulse upright and shudder.

“To be continued,” Christian growled, hopping up and walking out of the room still clad in just his black briefs.

“I’ll brew some coffee while you shower,” he called out as he stepped through the doorway.

Sai went into the bathroom and began running the shower. Waiting for the water to warm up, he looked at himself in the mirror. Horrific bedhead. Those little crusty things in the corner of his eye. Pillow lines on the side of his face. And Christian had still wanted to make out?

He shook those thoughts from his mind, dropped his underwear and stepped under the cascade. Scrubbing the tiredness from his body, he was reminded that he was still a little aroused from the morning’s make-out session. Sai felt he didn’t have an extreme sex drive, but he had refrained from self-pleasure since the big damn confession — somehow it hadn’t felt right — and now, almost two weeks on, he was having a hard time ignoring the cumulative impact of his very base desires and urges. It was kind of his own fault, inviting Christian to bed with him again… but then, perhaps he’d been trying to engineer something subconsciously.

No, those thoughts had his nether region headed in the wrong direction. He rinsed the shampoo from his hair and turned the nozzle to a chilly temperature. The cold shower successfully beat back his erection, and he toweled off and dressed.

Stepping into the living room, he was hit instantly with the smell of coffee, thank goodness. But he also heard the sound of something sizzling. In the kitchen, he saw Christian once again standing by the stove. He had changed into some athletic gear, presumably intending to carry out his pre-work run.

“What are you doing?” Sai asked as he poured himself some coffee.

“Just frying up a few eggs.”

“Christian… that’s sweet, thank you. Last night, this morning — God, it almost feels like we’re married.”

Sai knew instantly he’d put his foot in it. For two big reasons. This relationship or whatever it was was still supremely nascent. And Sai knew, he knew, that marriage was an incredibly touchy thing for Christian right now. God, he could only imagine what must be racing through Christian’s mind. He couldn’t decide what would be worse: Triggering some kind of flashback to Charlotte, or freaking Christian out about the seriousness of this thing between them.

“sh*t! I’m sorry. I — I didn’t mean —”

“Sai, it’s okay,” Christian interrupted. He turned and Sai saw he was sporting a genial expression. “I knew what you meant.”

Sai could only nod slightly in response, worried that any other word out of his mouth would only compound his misstep.

“Good. Okay, go sit down, this will be done in a minute.”

Sai took his coffee and sat down at the table, staring into the dark liquid and silently berating himself. Christian emerged with some fried eggs on two plates.

“I didn’t make you eggs — such a chore by the way — because we’re an ‘old married couple’,” Christian said as he set them down and slid into the chair beside Sai. “I did it because you’re working crazy hours right now and I wanted to help you out. And also… to show you that I care about you.” He avoided Sai’s eyes at that last part, some pink appearing on his cheeks.

“Thank you for this. I can feel that you care,” Sai said. Christian blinked and smiled.

“Also,” Sai continued. “Um… I didn’t mean to bring up, you know, the concept of marriage. That was thoughtless. I’m sorry.”

Christian’s chewing slowed down and he swallowed.

“It’s okay. It’s not like I can pretend marriages don’t exist just because mine fell apart. It’s still painful to think about but… it’s over, and I have to move on. And, well, you’re really helping with that.”

They ate their eggs in silence, and before Sai knew it he realized he needed get get going. He downed the rest of his coffee, cleared his place and grabbed his messenger bag.

“I’ll probably be late again tonight.”

“Okay. Text me.”

“I will.”

“Sai… can I kiss you goodbye?”

A beat.

“Yeah.”

Christian leaned into Sai’s personal space and tilted his head. They pressed their lips together once, twice, three times, before Sai pulled back and opened the front door.

“See ya, babe,” Christian said with a twinkle.

“See ya, sunshine,” Sai fired back, pleased to find the pet name held up on second use.

He closed the door behind him and took a few steps before stopping. It was taking a not insignificant part of his willpower not to turn around and call in sick. But he didn’t want to overwhelm Christian, come on too strong. They were taking things slow, he repeated like a mantra as he plodded down the hall.

He didn’t know Christian was on the other side of the door, his forehead pressed against the frame, willing himself not to rip it open and call out for Sai before he got on the elevator.

Chapter 14

Chapter Text

Imogen had set up a regular rotation for their group to share brunch hosting duties, and this month fell on the boys. Otis, Aoife, Imogen and Rhys were all chatting in the living room when there was a knock at the door. Sai was busy frying up some rashers, so Christian went to welcome the latecomers, Nick and Charlie.

Nick held aloft a ceramic tray covered in cling film. “I made lemon drizzle cake!”

“Oh, come to papa!” Christian said, making grabby hands at the dish.

“Nick, seriously, when are you going to go on Bake Off?” Sai shouted from the kitchen.

“You guys know lemon cake is like the easiest recipe in the world, right?” Nick said as he shrugged off his coat.

“But it’s so good! And you bake lots of other stuff,” Christian replied. “Besides, you check so many Bake Off contestant boxes: Queer, school teacher, your giant arms for all the viewers who would get off watching you knead bread. And you’d have a built-in advantage for pâtisserie week because of your dad.”

“You and Sai watch Bake Off?” Imogen asked, sipping a mimosa. “That’s not very laddish behavior.”

“Stereotyping is rude, Imogen,” replied Sai, now standing in the kitchen doorway. “Besides… we contain multitudes.”

“Okay, I was just asking,” Imogen said defensively. “I’m not like… whole-wheat-phobic. I’m an ally.” With that, she picked up a slice of lemon drizzle cake and took a bite.

Christian wandered back into the kitchen as their guests chatted amongst themselves, where Sai had returned to attend to the bacon.

“Smells great in here, babe,” he said reflexively. Sai turned and shot him a raised eyebrow. The kitchen was mostly closed off from the main area, but anyone who overheard that particular nickname surely would know something was up.

“Sorry,” Christian said. “Mate.”

Sai smiled and returned to the bacon. “Buddy,” he replied lightly.

Christian returned his volley. “Pal.”

“Chum.”

“Old chap.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

Christian and Sai both jumped at hearing Nick’s voice behind them.

“Hey,” Sai said as Christian did his best to look busy by, uh, moving some utensils back and forth. “Uh, maybe you could get the fruit tray from the fridge? And you’re the tea master if you want to get the kettle going.” Sai gestured over at the electric kettle in the corner.

“You got it,” Nick said, grabbing the fruit and heading back out. Christian exchanged looks with Sai, but neither could say exactly how much Nick had heard, if anything, or if he’d really figured out the truth. Christian was also unclear on whether Sai would care if Nick did know. Just because he had reached out to Nick for advice didn’t mean Sai necessarily wanted their friend to know anything about their relationship. But there wasn’t really time to ask before Nick was back in the kitchen, fiddling with the kettle and perusing Sai’s tea selection.

The timer dinged. “Ah, there’s your pan haggerty,” Sai said, standing back so Christian could open the oven and check the buttery roasted potato and onion dish. It was a dish popular in the Durham area, and fairly easy, too, so when he lived there it had become a regular part of Christian’s recipe box.

“Perfect, it just needs a few minutes to brown,” Christian said, removing the foil and returning the dish to the oven.

With the oven door closed, the kettle boiling and rashers sizzling away on the stove, the three men stood awkwardly, not really looking at one another — a feat for three grown men sharing Sai’s relatively small kitchen — for a solid thirty seconds, which felt like hours to Christian.

“So…” Nick finally broached. “How are you guys?”

“Good,” Sai said, nodding.

“Yeah, good,” Christian added.

“How are you?” Sai shot back.

“Good, yeah,” Nick said.

Thank god for the noise of the bacon crisping for some form of sensory input or Christian might have just opened up the oven and joined the pan haggerty in there rather than bear one more second of this awkwardness.

“Well, you know what they say about a watched kettle,” Nick finally said, moving to skitter out of the kitchen. “I’ll come back when it’s ready.”

Okay, Nick clearly knew something was afoot. Christian and Sai shared a look before going back to their preparations.

Once they finally sat down, Christian and Sai found brunch also difficult to navigate under the scrutiny of their friends.

Squeezing eight around Sai’s table meant squishing most of them together a bit. The others had naturally left their hosts side-by-side chairs, seats so close together that their thighs were touching and Christian accidentally elbowed Sai a couple of times.

Christian was suddenly wildly aware of the casual forms of intimacy his friends were displaying during the meal. Little touches, side whispers away from the main table conversation, sharing food, knowing looks that said buckets silently. Thinking back, he and Sai had done most of that as longtime close friends. Theoretically, no one would bat an eye if he stole the last rasher off Sai’s plate or if Sai leaned over and whispered something funny.

But now he was hyper-aware of everything. He and Sai practically ignored one another, no small feat when they were pressed against each other’s sides and their plates were practically touching on the table.

The worst part was, Christian wanted to do those things. He wanted to be casually intimate with Sai in front of their friends, for them to know about them. He knew this was going to be A Lot, with capital letters. Not just because they were both men who as far as most anyone else was concerned were straight — in fact, more importantly it was probably just that they were lifelong friends who had rather suddenly turned into something else.

But Christian also knew that it was just way too early for their tiny little seedling of a relationship to be known by others. It needed watering and care. In a sense, this relationship was only a few weeks old. On the other hand… there was just something different about falling for someone you already know and trust. If they had talked about it beforehand, Christian wondered whether Sai would have been okay with telling these, their closest friends, at brunch today. Maybe things could have been different. They could have expressed their affection freely, instead of stuffing it back down inside themselves.

So Christian contented himself, for now, with doing his best to take in Sai through peripheral vision, to glance down and be able to see only his hands cutting into the food on his plate, to soak up whatever warmth flowed between them where they were plastered together.

He could do this for now. Because he knew that eventually, he wouldn’t have to.

That night, Christian was scrolling through Instagram on his phone in bed beside Sai, both of them sitting with their backs up against the headboard and pillows. They were still sharing the bed each night, though they hadn’t progressed beyond kissing and some experimental over-the-clothes fondling. Christian appreciated they were sharing a different kind of intimacy this way — even if he was increasingly ready to experience new kinds of intimacy.

Christian had just commented on a post from Tara Jones when he finally put his finger on something that had been distracting him. Sai was ostensibly reading a book, but Christian was pretty sure he hadn’t turned a page in maybe 15 minutes.

“Hey,” he said, locking his phone and putting on the nightstand beside him. “You okay?”

Sai smiled sadly. “Am I that obvious?”

“I can hear you thinking from over here,” Christian said with a comforting grin. He scooted down and turned to his side, looking up at Sai, who was still sitting upright. “Wanna talk about it?”

Sai sighed and closed his book, dropping it on the floor and crossing his arms across his chest.

“There were times today when I wanted to… actually be able to act like we were together. Simple stuff. Like take your hand. Or rub the hair on the back of your neck. Or kiss you. And… I couldn’t, because all our friends were there.”

“I know what you mean,” Christian replied glumly. “That’s why I was keeping a little distance between us… I had those little urges, just to touch you and be near you. It sucked we couldn’t do anything about it.”

Sai spoke so softly, Christian could barely hear him. “Do you think… um, that we might someday tell people?”

Christian pondered for a few seconds before replying. “Well, I don’t know how much longer we can really hide this from our friends, if today was any indication. But I —”

Wait. What did Sai say?

“Hold on, ‘someday?’” Christian asked. Sai briefly met his gaze before looking down again. “Did you think I wanted to keep this a secret forever? Just be ‘roommates for life’ or something? I’m… how would that even work?” His tone was light and jokey, but it seems Sai interpreted it differently.

“For life?” Sai asked, astonishment clear in his voice.

Oh sh*t. Christian hadn’t meant to imply anything like that, and his face apparently betrayed his surprise.

“f*ck. I didn’t mean —” Sai started scrambling, throwing the blanket off his legs like he was going to get up and leave.

“Whoa, hold on, hold on, stop, please, for a second,” Christian babbled, grabbing Sai’s forearm. Sai stopped moving, though he was looking away, and Christian took the opportunity to rub his thumb against Sai in a way he hoped was soothing.

“Can we talk about this? Because I think this is just some miscommunication and I’d rather clear that up.”

Sai nodded silently.

Christian let go of his forearm and shifted to sit cross-legged on the bed, facing Sai.

Christian swallowed before speaking again. “First, yes, I do want to tell people someday. And I don’t mean someday like in ten years. I mean someday like much sooner. I don’t know exactly when… I feel like I’m still digesting. But I already know this is a good thing. You’re a good thing. And sooner or later I’m going to want to — I’m going to need to tell people about us.”

“I… want that too,” Sai said, finally looking at Christian. “But I also agree we maybe need a little more time, just us.”

“That’s great,” Christian said softly.

Sai smiled wanly.

“Also. Sorry for saying ‘for life’ back there.”

Christian shook his head. “Don’t, you have nothing to be sorry for. Besides… it didn’t freak me out.”

“I thought it might after what happened with Charlotte,” Sai replied.

“Yeah. I can see why you would think that,” Christian said. “You had a front-row seat to the drama. But I’ve been working through it, especially since moving back, and I think I can see that it wasn’t my fault, or hers, really, we just had foundational troubles and were naive about these things. And I’m determined not to let that make me afraid of, you know, potential future long-term commitments.”

“Right,” Sai nodded.

Christian reached out and cocooned Sai’s hands between his own.

“I’m happy right now just getting to know each other.”

Sai chuckled. “You’d think after all these years we’d know each other well enough.”

“Nah. I’ve got so much more to learn about you.” Christian pulled Sai’s hands up to his own and pressed gentle kisses to his knuckles. “Can we… cuddle?”

“Yeah.”

“Great!” Christian yelped, flopping onto his side and turning away from Sai. “I call little spoon!”

Christian grinned; he knew that acting mischievously always brought a smile to Sai’s face. He’d learned that back in Year 7 when Sai got a C on a maths quiz and looked like the world was going to end. Christian ran up to the headmistress and loudly relayed a bawdy joke he’d overheard some older boys tell once (and that, truth be told, Christian didn’t fully understand other than to know it was somehow inappropriate). Crusty old Mrs. Wainwright had given Christian a week of detention, but it was worth it for the shocked giggle that danced across little Sai’s face.

Adult Sai was just as amused by Christian’s impishness, no detention needed.

“I — ugh, okay,” Sai said, snickering — victory for Christian! He maneuvered to lie down as well, pressing his front against Christian’s back. Sai snaked his free arm over to rest his hand on Christian’s belly, feeling him breath in and out.

“Hey,” Sai said in the back of Christian’s neck after a few minutes, as their hearts settled into a rhythmic beat. “That was really great communication.”

“Thanks. Learned it from marriage counseling. At least I got something useful out of that,” Christian said, making sure to keep a light and airy tone.

He thought about piping up to clarify that he wasn’t trying to imply anything about him and Sai, or not-not imply anything, but Sai didn’t seem to react to Christian’s statement, and Christian knew he could trust Sai after their talk to trust him in turn, to not freak out about this thing between them. Christian gave into the warmth emanating from Sai behind him, and soon fell into a comfortable sleep.

A week later, Sai and Christian were enjoying a lazy Saturday at home. Christian lounged on the couch, reading a book that Charlie and Isaac Henderson had recommended for him, a mystery-thriller. It fit his taste and was a gripping read, but Christian couldn’t help but glance over every couple of paragraphs at Sai, who was perched at his drafting table.

Sai had assured him he wasn’t doing actual work, though. He was working on his “dream home” drawing. Sai recently had latched on to the idea of a bay window, so he was reworking the plans yet again. Christian didn’t entirely understand the point of doing all that when it wasn’t tailored to a specific piece of land, but it clearly soothed Sai, and there were worse hobbies in the world.

Right now, though, Christian wasn’t thinking about architecture. He was too busy watching Sai’s arms flex as he pushed colored pencils across the page. His back, hidden under a t-shirt, arching to get the right angle. His butt, framed against the little stool Sai sat on.

“You know I can see you staring, right?”

Christian’s train of thought crashed as he looked up and met Sai’s eyes reflected in the window in front of him. He was smirking, the bastard. Caught red-handed. But then, it was okay now.

“What?” Christian shot back with a grin. “You’re cute.”

“I’m ‘cute’?!”

“I’ve always said you’re cute.”

“Yeah, when you were my wingman, not my…”

Sai trailed off and looked down at his drafting table, so Christian couldn’t see his face. His what, what was going to say? Then Christian realized he didn’t really know what they were, or what he wanted them to be. They’d been kissing for over a month, sleeping in the same bed for a couple of weeks. What did that make them?

“Um, nevermind,” Sai suddenly said, standing and turning away.

“Wait, wait,” Christian replied, bolting up and grabbing Sai’s arm. He turned and slid both his hands into Sai’s own. “If it’s okay with you, maybe we could… talk about what we are to each other?”

Sai tilted his head. “Um. Yeah.”

They gazed at one another for a few seconds, neither quite having the courage to take the first step. Finally, Christian realized he’d started them down this path and needed to go first.

“Okay. So. I like you, Sai. Obviously. And I like being with you. Um. What about you?”

Sai gulped a little but spoke easily. “Yeah. I like you too. And I like us together.”

Christian exhaled a little and nodded. “Okay, yeah. Good! And it’s fair to say we’re dating.”

Sai nodded.

“And we’re exclusive?” Christian asked tentatively. “I mean — I want to be if you want to be.”

Sai nodded again. “There’s no one else, never anyone else.”

“Okay,” Christian said, squeezing Sai’s palms. “Well, as far as I can tell, that should make us boyfriends, right?”

Sai’s face unfolded in surprise. “Boyfriends?”

“I mean, if that’s okay,” Christian immediately replied. “And I’m not saying we have to go out right now and tell other people.”

“You’re okay with that word? Boyfriend? It’s not… a step backward from, you know. Husband?” Sai asked haltingly. He looked down at Christian’s throat, not daring to meet his gaze.

“No, it doesn’t feel like a step backward. It very much feels like a step forward.”

Sai looked up and stared at Christian, his lips curled into a disbelieving grin. His eyes darted over Christian’s mouth and around to his ears before settling on his eyes.

Christian matched his smile. “Can I kiss my boyfriend?”

Sai dropped his hands and reached up to grip his shoulders. “Yes, please,” he said before leaning in and locking lips with his boyfriend. The embrace was hungry without being desperate, passionate and warm. Soon, their bodies were slotting against one another as they stood, and Christian could feel their hardening lengths pressed against one another’s hips. It wasn’t the first time they’d become aroused together, but he wondered when they might actually do something about it.

Suddenly, Sai pulled back a bit. He placed his hands on Christian’s chest and pushed gently, enough that Christian could have resisted if he wanted. He didn’t, though, and so he fell backward and plopped down in a sitting position on the couch.

“Hello!” he yelped as Sai moved forward, placing his knees on either side of Christian lap to straddle him where he sat. Sai moved his face right up against Christian’s for a moment before turning his head and kissing him again. Christian let his hands run up and down Sai’s back, enjoying feeling his muscles contract as they made out like horny teenagers.

And right on cue, Sai adjusted his position, rubbing their erections against each other through their clothes. The movement sent a shudder through Christian’s whole body and he broke off their kiss to suck in a breath.

“Was that… okay?” Sai asked.

“Christ, it was more than okay,” Christian replied, his breath ragged. “Please tell me you’re doing that again.”

Sai exhaled in relief. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long f*cking time.”

They kissed again, and after a second Sai again rolled his hips. Friction sparkled inside Christian’s body with each thrust. Bloody hell, how could this feel so insanely good while their clothes were still on? If his mouth hadn’t been occupied, Christian would have giggled. His mind flashed back to a few times in uni he’d gone back to their room only to find a tie on the door and raucous, passionate noises coming from within.

Christian had long suspected Sai had some serious hip game — it’s always the quiet ones — and it was kind of funny to him that he was finally finding out first-hand.

In an embarrassingly short amount of time, he felt a coiling inside himself, tenseness about to brim over. It had been like what, a minute? Jesus Christ, Christian thought to himself. He broke contact with Sai and tried valiantly to speak coherently.

“Sai… I’m close… if you don’t stop…”

Sai, glistening from the effort, locked eyes with him. “Do you want me to stop?” he huffed out.

“f*ck no.”

Sai smiled ground forward, and just then Christian unexpectedly found himself cresting. He bucked irregularly under Sai, twitching as he came in his pants on the couch. Waves of pleasure crashed over him, tunneling his vision until all he could sense was Sai, Sai on top of him, similarly writhing about and gasping for air.

After he stilled, Sai picked himself up and angled to Christian’s right, collapsing to partly face Christian from next to him on the couch.

“Hooooly sh*t,” Christian moaned. “We should’ve had that boyfriend talk weeks ago.”

Sai breathed shakily. “So that was… good for you?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Christian fired back. But a look over at Sai showed in his eyes that he wasn’t.

“Sai, yes, that was f*cking amazing,” Christian said. “Was it okay for you, babe?”

His boyfriend nodded his head exuberantly, making Christian smile fondly. He leaned over, cupped Sai’s chin and pulled him into a kiss that was significantly more chaste than what they had just done. Then, feeling like his muscles had liquefied, Christian leaned back and just gazed at Sai for a while, the other man returning his stare.

“Okay, so that was amazing… was it also a little weird?” Christian asked hesitantly.

Sai looked conflicted.

“I think it’s okay to be a little weird,” Christian quickly added. “We’ve known each other a long time. We’re doing something new. But, uh, weird doesn’t mean bad, or not sexy.”

“I… liked getting weird,” Sai admitted. “We should do that again.”

“Big time,” Christian replied. “But maybe next time with fewer clothes?”

Sai’s eyes widened and he swept his arm across his sweaty face, but made an “mmhmm” sound from behind his hand before returning to just look at Christian next to him.

Five minutes later, the uncomfortable stickiness in his pants was a little overwhelming.

“I need to go… freshen up,” he said, jiggling his head at the analogy.

Sai giggled. “Ugh, me too.” Both men pinked up as they realized the aftermath of their passion.

Christian stood, ignoring the gross feeling in his underwear, and stretched before heading toward the door to his bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Sai asked. Christian turned, confused. “Do you want to… join me in my shower? It’s plenty big enough and it seems a waste of space otherwise.”

Christian’s mouth dropped open at the invite. Not wanting to be misinterpreted, he quickly nodded his head. Sai reached out and grabbed his hand, guiding Christian as though he didn’t know the way. Christian smiled bashfully as he let himself be led.

In Sai’s more spacious bathroom, the two of them shucked their clothes and Sai set his glasses on the counter. Sai stepped partway into the shower to turn on the tap and wait a minute for the water to warm up. Christian took the opportunity to study something he’d slapped many times on the playing field but never really fully gotten to study before: Sai’s ass.

Christian was extremely appreciative that years of rugby training and now football meant that Sai’s legs and thighs — and ass — were on the meatier side. He’d never looked for or wanted that in a partner before, with women, but he found himself craving it now he was with Sai. He wanted to reach out and feel Sai’s fleshy brown globes, which he noticed with fondness had a dusting of hair on them, another new and yet tantalizing detail to file away.

“It’s warm enough now,” Sai called out, stepping into the shower and breaking Christian’s concentration. He looked up and saw Sai watching him through the glass. “You okay? Is this too weird?”

Christian shook his head, moving into the steamy cubicle. “Sorry, just stuck in my own head for a second.”

“Anything bad?” Sai asked hesitantly.

Christian arched an eyebrow. “Uh, actually, I was… kind of wondering if you could crush a melon with those thighs.”

“Can I crush a… what the hell kind of kinks have you been hiding, Chris?”

“I really don’t know anymore.”

“Well, stop thinking about fruit and get your pale ass in here,” Sai said, stepping backward under the rainfall showerhead and letting his body be soaked. He reached out and pulled Christian underneath with him, water cascading down their bodies.

“Yes, sir,” Christian said lowly.

With the steam and the warm water, it was difficult, but Christian could just make out another blush forming on Sai’s face.

The two men grabbed washcloths, squirted in body wash and began running it over their arms, torsos, and the stickiness around their groins. Christian realized he didn’t have his Irish Spring in this bathroom, of course — which meant he was going to spend the rest of the day smelling like Sai. His dick twitched at that thought. Each man watched the other as they rubbed down, enjoying the close-up view of their lean, muscular bodies in this new context.

“Turn around, I’ll get your back,” Christian said. “I mean, that’s the benefit of showering together, right?”

“Oh my god, you just want another look at my ass, don’t you?”

“You got a problem with that?”

“No.”

Sai turned, and Christian dutifully started cleaning off his shoulders and neck before moving down his back and eventually, yes, to his butt. Christian placed one hand on Sai’s shoulder. “Are you okay if I… touch there?”

“Yeah,” Sai said, his head facing forward.

Christian ran the washcloth over Sai’s hips, working his way over the firm, fleshy mounds and toward the central cleft. Finally, he gently ran the washcloth down in between his buttocks, feeling Sai breathe in as he did so.

“Thank you,” he said over Sai’s shoulder, even though he was the one who had done the cleaning. The other man turned around, nodded, and then motioned for Christian to spin around, which he did so wordlessly. He figured Sai would be just as interested in him.

Sai echoed what Christian had done, starting by cleaning his shoulders and neck and moving down his back until he got to Christian’s ass. It was hard to judge himself given the angles, but Christian knew his legs were a little leaner than Sai’s, and he imagined his butt probably wasn’t as firm and rounded. As Sai got closer to that region, he leaned forward to speak in Christian’s ear over the noise of the shower.

“Is it okay if I…”

“Yeah, yes,” Christian responded.

He honestly didn’t think he’d feel all that much back there, but Christian discovered it was a new and moderately pleasurable sensation having someone massage his ass. Then everything changed when Sai ran the washcloth and his hand down Christian’s cleft, so, so gently. When the warm cloth passed over Christian’s rim, he felt a surge of pleasure from the nerves there. It caught him by surprise. His knees buckled slightly as he gasped and threw one hand out against the shower’s outer wall to steady himself.

“Are you ok?” Sai asked.

“Yes, I just… that felt way better than I expected.”

“Should I do it again?”

Christian just nodded, leaving his hand against the wall just in case.

Sai again rubbed against his entrance, and Christian huffed at the jolts he felt each time.

Okay. Clearly he had been ignoring a very important part of his body.

Sai murmured behind him. “Chris, are you… turned on again, too?"

He looked down and was surprised to find himself back at full mast.

“Uh, yes, I am,” he said as he turned back to face Sai. “I didn’t think that my refractory period was that good.” He looked down at Sai’s co*ck, which Christian had regrettably neglected earlier when his head was full of thoughts of Sai’s ass and thighs. Oh, his co*ck. It was so pretty, not a word Christian was used to applying to anyone’s rod and tackle. But he couldn’t deny Sai wasn’t gorgeous all over. He noted that it appeared to be slightly shorter than his own dick, but thicker, which strangely made his mouth water.

“I see I’m not the only one,” Christian finally said, quirking an eyebrow.

Sai wobbled his head a little, and it was so cute Christian surged forward to kiss him, one of his legs turned to perch in between Sai’s own. Their erections pressed noticeably against their thighs again, this time with no fabric in the way.

Sai pulled back and looked at Christian while snaking one hand between them, grasping both their co*cks with one hand and slowly beginning to stroke them together. It was definitely very different from what Christian was used to, whether because it was two instead of one or because it was someone else’s hand, but he definitely enjoyed it. He and Sai kept their faces apart, finding breathing to be an extra challenge because of the shallow breaths they took while aroused and the deluge of shower water flowing over their heads.

As Sai stroked them, Christian reached behind him to grasp a buttock in each hand, massaging the flesh there. He moved some of his fingers into Sai’s crevice and watched as his eyes fluttered. He swept over Sai’s ring a few more times, each time provoking a low moan, until without warning he felt Sai shake against him and spurt streaks of whiteness onto their stomachs between them. The shower water washed it all away fairly quickly, but Christian was too busy staring at Sai’s face, contorted in pleasure, to notice.

After a few moments, Sai’s head tilted back forward and his eyes cracked open. He glanced down between them and saw Christian’s erection still hanging low between his legs.

“You didn’t…”

“No.”

Sai placed one hand on Christian’s chest and softly pressed forward, until he stepped backward and had his back against the shower wall. They were slightly more outside the waterfall showerhead here. Sai reached down and grasped Christian’s swollen co*ck in his hand and began stroking up and down, throwing in some twisting actions at the head. His other hand reached down and cupped Christian’s balls, which hung heavy in the moist heat of the shower.

It felt incredible, and Christian couldn’t stop himself from bumping his head back against the tile, screwing up his eyes and moaning. And Sai said he’d never done anything with another man before? Christian could hardly believe it.

Not more than a minute later, Christian forced his eyes open and looked at Sai. “I’m gonna…”

“Come on me, Chris,” Sai growled.

Christian felt hot ropes of cum erupt from his co*ck and paint Sai’s stomach, dripping down into the patch of hair above his softening co*ck. One strand even made it up to Sai’s chest. Christian thought it was pretty respectable given it was his second org*sm in less than an hour. Christian leaned forward and nibbled at Sai’s ear. “Thank you,” he whispered, just loud enough over the streaming water. Then Christian pulled back, raising the washcloth in his hand. “Looks like I need to clean you off again.”

Completely spent, Christian soaped Sai’s front again and ran the washcloth quickly over himself before they turned off the shower. Sai reached out for two towels, and the two men dried themselves before emerging into the steamy bathroom, towels wrapped around their waists.

Sai ran one hand up Christian’s naked arm before cupping it around his jaw.

“How are you feeling?”

Christian considered his answer. “Clean. A little tired. Very happy.”

Sai grinned. “Me, too.”

Christian had just walked into the empty flat after work when his phone buzzed.

Nick Nelson [17:43]: Hey, I think I left my serving tray at your place a couple of weeks ago. It’s ceramic with little birds around the edges.

Christian McBride [17:44]: One sec, I’ll look for it.

He checked the cabinet with all the platters and larger items but didn’t see anything matching that description. It wasn’t in the dishwasher, it wasn’t shoved into the pantry, it wasn’t anywhere Christian could see after checking the whole kitchen.

Christian McBride [18:03]: Soz, I’m not seeing it anywhere in the kitchen

He was about to text again that he’d ask Sai once he was home, but another message came in before he could.

Nick Nelson [18:04]: Oh it’s not in the kitchen. I left it under your pillow in your bedroom.

What on Earth was Nick talking ab—

Christian felt the color drain from his face, his whole body. He struggled to unroot his feet from the floor and burst into his bedroom. He couldn’t see anything immediately, but running his hand under the pillow he could feel the cool ceramic tray hidden under there. Pulling it out, he saw it indeed had little bird decorations around the edges.

f*ck. Nick must have left it there as a test or a trap or something. And now he knew Christian hadn’t slept in his own bed in two weeks.

Christian felt a little panic. Someone knew. Someone figured it out. He wasn’t worried about this particular person; Nick was one of his oldest and best friends, and obviously would be supportive (even if Christian knew that sooner or later he was in for the ribbing of his life). But he wondered whether, if Nick put everything together, that meant others could, too.

Was he okay with that? Yeah. Yes. Christian had been a vocal ally long enough to know how the important people in his life felt. But it was still incredibly scary, the mortifying ordeal of being known. He’d been enjoying his thing with Sai being private, just for them, but of course it wasn’t going to be that way forever, he knew that.

Christian pinched his eyes and shook his head. He didn’t like those negative thoughts. Sai was his… boyfriend, he said, trying out the word in his head for the first time since their talk. Sai was his BOYFRIEND, he thought again, not pausing mentally first this time and more loudly thinking the word. It felt good to think.

Okay, Nick’s little prank had rattled him. And it was, technically, a dick move. But Christian realized he was kind of glad someone knew, especially if it was going to be Nick first.

Apparently Christian’s little crisis had been going on for a while, because his phone jangled again.

Nick Nelson [18:10]: I’m going to assume you found it. You must be a heavy sleeper. Anyway, I’ll get the tray back next time I see you guys.

Nick Nelson [18:10]: By the way… 💙

Christian laid back on the bed, laughed a little and smiled.

Chapter 15

Chapter Text

Sai had been lonely all week.

On Sunday night, Christian had flown to Dublin for a weeklong conference. They texted regularly, and FaceTimed nightly, but Sai still felt so much more alone than he used to before Christian moved in. His flat seemed cavernous and echo-y all of a sudden. Meals were dull without Christian to talk to. Sai’s bed was cold. He tried to read at night, but ended up letting his eyes rove over the same page over and over without absorbing the words.

The one bright spot had been the two men receiving the results of the STI tests they’d taken the prior week — clear across the board for both. They eagerly shared their results via text. Both were excited for the news. Since they were exclusive, they’d already very maturely discussed it and agreed that it meant they didn’t need to use condoms once they got to the more penetrative aspects of sex. Sai wished he could have celebrated more immediately, but Christian was out of town for a few more days.

Finally, it was Wednesday night, and he had a football match. It was nice being around people, certainly better than wasting away in his living room, but Sai found himself at a loss when something cool or dramatic happened during the game and he went to share a look with Christian only to be unable to find him. It hit especially hard when they won the game 3-1. Normally, he and Christian would jump up and down, bounce off each other, which was what most of the team did when they won, but he and Christian always found each other on the field for the jumping. Tonight, Sai had to settle for jumping up and down with Carl first, and it just wasn’t the same.

“No Christian tonight?” Katie asked as he sat at the edge of the group at drinks later that night, nursing a Guinness. “You two are usually joined at the hips.”

Sai fought back the dirty image Katie had innocently and inadvertently brought to his mind.

“He’s out of town on business this week.”

“Does he know we won?”

“I texted the news, and he replied, quote, ‘Without me? Hashtag fake news’.”

Katie chuckled.“You know, I think having Christian around is good for you,” she said.

Sai furrowed his brow. “What?”

“Well, I hope this is okay to say, but… last year you seemed pretty reserved. I just thought maybe you were the quiet type. But this year you’re so much more, I don’t know, bright and sunny? Most of the time, anyway.”

Sai’s mouth hung open as he struggled to think of a response.

“Look,” Katie said before he could find words. “I don’t know anything about anything. I just know you seem to be a lot happier now. And that makes me happy.”

Sai shut his mouth and tried not to react much. “I… thanks.”

The next morning, Sai had just gotten off an interminable Zoom call with people from the Edinburgh and Cardiff offices when his phone dinged with an unexpected message.

Christian McBride [10:15]: Here’s a list of things to say during sex.

Sai Verma [10:15]: Umm

Christian McBride [10:16]: Ooh

Christian McBride [10:16]: Eeh

Christian McBride [10:16]: Ooh ah ah

Sai Verma [10:16]: wtf

Christian McBride [10:17]: Ting

Christian McBride [10:17]: Tang

Sai Verma [10:17]: …

Christian McBride [10:17]: Walla walla bing bang

Sai Verma [10:18]: I’m gonna kill you McBride

Sai Verma [10:18]: Seriously I know where you live 😒

Christian McBride [10:19]: Sorry babe. I’m stuck in a very boring presentation and was just trying to entertain myself. 😂

Sai Verma [10:20]: 🙄

Sai smiled and put his phone down, going back to the computer model rendition he was working on. After a minute, he had a terrible idea. Just an awful idea.

He grabbed his phone and stood up before he could change his mind. Sai made his way to the bathrooms down the hall from his office — his firm had unisex bathrooms that admitted just one person at a time. He found one empty and locked the door behind him.

His heart was pumping. He’d never done anything like this before, considering it too risky. But this was worth it. He trusted Christian. And even more importantly, he wanted to f*ck with his head.

Sai loosened his tie and untucked and unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his torso underneath. Then he unbuckled his belt, and then unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and pushed them down a bit, along with his boxers. He kept pushing, slowly, until he could see in the mirror that a patch of dark hair was now visible above his underwear’s waistband.

He tossed his tie back over his shoulder and pulled out his phone, aiming it at the mirror. The lighting was actually quite good in here for a thirst trap — although this maybe was a step closer to dick pic since Sai’s boxers couldn’t go any lower without getting truly graphic. He flexed a bit, giving a bit more definition to his abs, and took a dozen photos from various angles.

Sai went through them until he found one he really liked. His thumb hovered over the send button — first to make double, triple, quadruple sure that it was going to the right person, and then as he worked up the courage to do it.

[10:43]: Image sent

Okay. Well. This will be interesting, Sai thought as he redressed and made his way back to his office. Just as he sat down, his phone dinged.

Christian McBride [10:48]: f*ck f*ck f*ckING f*ck

Christian McBride [10:48]: SAI. AINESH. VERMA.

Sai Verma [10:49]: ?

Christian McBride [10:49]: I’m in a room with 300 people at a work thing and I *can’t stand up right now* so don’t “?” me

Sai Verma [10:50]: Hey, at least you’re not bored anymore.

Christian McBride [10:52]: There *will* be revenge

Sai giggled and fell back into his work.

A while later, as he sat eating lunch with a couple of co-workers in the break room, Sai’s phone dinged. Distracted by the story one of them was sharing, he unlocked his phone on autopilot and was immediately brought face to face with Christian’s avowed revenge.

It was a photo of him from the chest down, wearing nothing but a pair of bright red briefs. He was sitting in a chair, and the photo was taken from roughly his point-of-view eye level looking down his chest, the smooth slope of his abdomen and to the briefs, which like Sai had done earlier had been pulled down to expose some of the light, coarse hairs there. As if that weren’t enough, Christian was clearly hard inside his briefs — and a stain of precum was visible at the tip.

Sai dropped his fork into the bowl of noodles he was eating, drawing the attention of his colleagues.

“You all right?” one of them asked.

“Uh, oh, yeah,” he stammered. He locked his phone and looked up. “I was just reminded of a deadline I’ve got coming this afternoon and I need to get back to work.”

His co-workers nodded and went back to their conversation as he collected his lunch and went back to his office before he had a very unprofessional reaction to Christian’s text.

Sai Verma [13:04]: Looks like you have a little problem there

Christian McBride [13:04]: Hmm… you weren’t calling it little last week.

Christian McBride [13:05]: Of course, you couldn’t call it anything since your mouth was so full. 😏

Sai Verma [13:05]: Well, that won’t be happening again anytime soon

Christian McBride [13:06]: Wait, take it back!

Christian McBride [13:07]: Babe, take it back!

Sai Verma [13:08]: Can you still FaceTime tonight?

Christian McBride [13:08]: Yeah.

Sai Verma [13:09]: Good. 😈

It was after almost 10 o’clock when Sai’s phone jangled with Christian’s incoming FaceTime call. He couldn’t get out of a work dinner, so Sai had been left to his own devices until relatively late, but he eagerly put down the magazine he was reading in bed to take his boyfriend’s call, popping in earbuds for better audio.

“Hello, sunshine,” he said as Christian’s face and bare shoulders filled the screen. He appeared to be sitting against the headboard of his hotel room bed, lit from the side by a lamp.

“If it isn’t Mr. Thirst Trap, as I live and breathe,” Christian replied.

“So you liked it,” Sai said calmly, fighting off the smirk that threatened to grow on his lips.

“Liked it? I saved it to a password-protected file on my phone,” Christian replied. “I never, I mean never, would have taken you for such a minx, Sai.”

“Me? You’re the one in that sexy red underwear,” Sai replied lowly.

“Oh, you liked that?”

The view on Sai’s phone changed. Christian switched to his forward facing camera and angled down. Sai was treated to a view of his sloping torso, fair hairs covering his stomach and eventually forming a trail into — those red briefs again. They appeared to be all Christian was wearing, and as Sai watched, the fabric swelled to fill out a little more. He gasped, and the noise caused Christian’s dick to twitch inside his pants.

“I ran up here during our lunch break. Just so I could send you a dirty photo,” Christian said, palming himself.

Sai’s own co*ck had quickly inflated to full mast, straining to break free from his boxers.

“Babe, would you maybe… return the favor?” Christian asked.

Oh right. Sai was still using his self-facing camera. Christian was basically watching him drool like one of Pavlov’s dogs. It was only fair Christian get a nice view in return.

Sai sat up enough to pull his t-shirt over his head, then set the phone down to shimmy out of his joggers, leaving him stark naked. Go big or go home, and Sai was already home.

“How’s that?” he asked, picking up his phone and turning to the other camera, which showcased his co*ck standing straight up in the air. He ran his free hand slowly up and down the shaft, tingling at the touch but so much more turned on since he knew Christian was watching.

“Holllllly sh*t,” Christian said. On his phone, Sai watched as he slid his hand beneath the band of his briefs, tugging back and forth lazily.

“Does it feel good… touching yourself?” Sai asked breathily.

“It’s been like five days since anyone touched me, so yes,” Christian spat back, short of breath. His fished his co*ck out of the red briefs, the flesh popping out and wobbling for a second until he got a better grip. “But I really wish it was you touching me instead.”

On the screen, Sai watched as Christian’s hand rubbed up and down his hard, leaking length. Through his earbuds, he could hear with remarkable clarity each of Christian’s little breaths in and out, wet gasps, a warble each time he moaned. The soundtrack alone was enough to drive Sai wild, but the visual of Christian pleasuring himself (and the fact that, like Christian, it had been almost a week since he got off) was bringing Sai rapidly closer to completion.

Sai tried to keep his own dick in view of his camera, but multitasking amid all the sensory input was difficult. He could only hope Christian was getting a good show in response that was even half as good as the one he was putting on.

It didn’t take more than a few minutes of skin-slapping sounds and various forms of swearing and exclaiming for the two men’s breathing to become shallow and labored.

“Christian, I don’t think — f*ck, ugh — this is embarrassing but I don’t think I’ll last much longer,” Sai finally admitted.

“Oh thank god,” Christian replied. “I’ve been on the edge for a little… oh… while now. f*ck it, let’s go, we can save the… tantric stuff for when we’re actually together.”

Sai filed that little sentence away to be thought over extensively later and hummed his agreement. He let his hand fly up and down over his co*ck, finally letting the build-up of tension in his groin brim until it overflowed, washing over him in waves. Sai’s toed curled as his body twisted slightly to one side. His torso tensed and he felt cum splashing over his stomach. He clenched his eyes shut and moaned loudly — letting himself go at full blast for Christian’s benefit. He was sure the hand holding his phone had shaken uncontrollably, but there was really nothing to do about that.

The waves turned to ripples, and he finally regained enough mind power to look back at his phone. The screen showed Christian’s co*ck erupting white stripes along his abs. Sai’s ears were filled with the erotic noises of Christian coming apart, like sexy surround sound. Sai’s co*ck, softened only slightly and now lying against his abdomen, twitched as he Christian’s groans shot straight through him.

“Oh my god,” Christian finally gasped. “Why weren’t we doing that every night I’ve been gone?”

“That… is a good question,” Sai replied, his chest heaving as he came down from his org*sm.

Sai switched his view back to the selfie camera, showing Christian his wrecked face. Christian did the same. He was slightly red all over, his nostrils flaring as he breathed deeply, and a light sheen spread across his forehead.

“Jesus,” Sai said. “Chris, is that… did you shoot up to your neck?”

Christian looked confused for a second, then ran a finger down his throat until it found the milky gob there.

“Guess so,” he said, casually rubbing it into his skin like it was lotion as Sai gawped. “It had been a minute since I…”

“I should send you sexy photos more often.”

“I quite agree,” Christian replied, smirking.

“That was so much better than when we used to… sort of do that in uni,” Sai said.

For a moment, Sai thought he’d made a mistake, bringing up those times when they would jerk off at the same time, in the dark, in separate beds, never discussing it at the time or in the morning. Christian’s smirk disappeared, and Sai couldn’t read his face.

“That’s… true,” Christian finally said. “Can I ask you something?”

Sai nodded.

“When we used to do that… were you thinking about me?”

Sai’s eyes flashed wide with surprise at the question. He considered his answer.

“Not directly. I mean, I thought about how you were getting off at the same time, and that was kind of hot. But… I wasn’t fantasizing about you, if that’s what you were asking,” he replied. “Back then, anyway. Now that you’re my boyfriend, I believe I have the right to fantasize about you whenever I want.”

“Permission granted,” Christian replied with a grin. “Yeah, uh, it was the same for me. Like, I don’t know why but it was erotic knowing you were a few feet away tossing yourself off. But you weren’t who I was thinking about back then either.”

They each looked offscreen, having accidentally tread into some awkwardness.

“I like doing that… thinking about you. Now,” Christian said, surprising Sai. “I hope that’s okay.” The flush that had been fading as he came down from his org*sm returned.

“Of course it’s f*cking okay!” Sai shot back. “I mean, I can’t wait for us to be able to do that, uh, together again, but yeah, it’s… nice to know I turn you on.”

“Good,” Christian said with a lopsided smile.

The two men just gazed calmly at one another through their phones as their heart rates returned to normal and their bodies melted into their respective mattresses.

“Chris?”

“Yeah?”

“I missed you this week.” Sai blushed. Why did it embarrass him so to say that right after they’d literally had phone sex? After they’d watched each other bring themselves to completion? Oh right… emotional vulnerability was hard sometimes. Durr.

“I really miss you too,” Christian said, his face a little sad. “I hate being in this hotel room. I want to be back in our bed.”

Our bed. It had only been a couple months but Christian already was referring to it as “our” bed. Sai fought back the tiny squeal that threatened to emerge from his throat. As much as he trusted Christian, there was always this tiny little voice in the back of his head that always gloomily tried to trick him into thinking Christian was just experimenting and would eventually realize he is straight, that he was biding his time, that he’d leave Sai as soon as a pretty woman caught his eye. Sai hated that voice. It was silent now.

“But the good news,” Christian said, pulling Sai’s attention back, “is that I come home tomorrow night! Flight lands around 5 so I should be back by 7 or so.”

“I can’t wait,” Sai replied, but he was betrayed by a giant yawn without warning.

Christian mirrored him in response, and the two men smiled lazily at one another.

“I should shower off before I go to sleep,” Christian said.

“Same.”

Neither moved. They kept staring at one another over their phones, bearing goofy but tired grins.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Christian finally uttered.

“Chris, I — I can’t wait,” Sai replied.

“Me either. Good night.”

“Good night.”

Sai was frazzled on this Friday night.

He’d accidentally slept late that morning, possibly due to exhaustion from the prior night’s… activities. Then once he got to work it had been sh*te. A demanding client, double-booked meetings, and a blueprint rendering error that kept him at his desk more than an hour after he’d hoped to leave the office. Then, Tesco had been absolutely jammed; why hadn’t he done the shop the previous night so he wouldn’t be so harried?

When all was said and done, Sai was reduced to a little ball of stress, bouncing around the kitchen, chopping haphazardly, trying to remember how one layered a lasagna exactly — he could design a house, but a layered pasta dish was throwing him — and just generally trying not to break down and start crying. After their surprisingly raw FaceTime the prior night, Sai had just wanted to give Christian the welcome home he deserved. But, eyeing the clock, there was no way he was going to have the damn lasagna done in time.

Sai was just about to start assembling some slices of garlic bread when he heard the front door open.

“Honey, I’m home!” Christian shouted jokingly.

Sai stepped into the kitchen doorway. He tried to smile, and truly he was ecstatic to see Christian, but his face clearly betrayed the frustration and anxiety from his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Seeing him, Christian immediately adopted a concerned look.

“Sai, are you okay?”

Sai nodded, but he knew he was on the verge of betraying his distress and it was killing him that he couldn’t hold back the cracking dam. “I’m just making a lasagna but… I was stuck late at work and… Tesco was insane… and now everything is late and I just —”

There it was. His voice had broken and a tear had streaked down his cheek. He felt so ashamed and vulnerable. He’s a grown man, for f*ck’s sakes, why is a f*cking lasagna doing this to him? He half turned away from Christian, even knowing it was too late to hide what was happening.

“Come here,” Christian said, spreading his arms wide and stepping toward Sai.

Sai thought about spurring his boyfriend, trying to toughen up on his own… but a hug would do wonders right now. Ultimately he gave in, and allowed himself to be wrapped completely by Christian’s arms. Sai melted into it, even as he sobbed a few times, working through his frustration as Christian gently rubbed his back and hummed a bit. Sai felt so stupid that he’d gotten so upset, and even worse that he’d revealed it to Christian. But he undeniably felt better after seeing him for the first time in five days. His flat felt like home again.

After a couple minutes of being held by Christian, not a word spoken between them, Sai noticed a crinkly sound behind his back. He pushed back from Christian, who pulled back his arms to reveal one of his hands held a dozen roses in cellophane, a bouquet Sai had somehow completely failed to clock when he ran into Christian’s arms.

“Oh, uh… I got you these,” Christian said, looking bashful. “I don’t even know if you like flowers, um, if not I could figure something out.”

“You got me roses?” Sai asked.

“Uh, yeah.”

“That’s…” Sai’s throat caught. He looked over the deep red petals, the long green stems, a sprinkle of baby’s breath pulling the whole thing together. “I’ve never had anyone give me flowers before.”

“Well… now you have.”

Sai’s eyes widened.

“I don’t think I have a vase,” he said, screwing up his face. Maybe he could find a big enough drinking glass or something?

“Hold that thought,” Christian said. He handed the bouquet to Sai, then wheeled his suitcase into his room, where he was still storing his clothes, even if he slept in Sai’s bed each night. He emerged a few moments later holding a simple, modern-looking vase.

“My mum has loads of vases she never uses, so I nicked this one last time I visited,” he explained.

Last time he visited his parents? Christian had thought this through, enough to obtain a vase at some earlier date and hide it in his room.

“You… planned this?” Sai choked out.

“Uh, sort of, I guess,” Christian replied. “I mean I didn’t have this specific scenario in mind when I took the vase, but yeah, I knew sooner or later I was going to bring you flowers.” He smiled shyly under Sai’s gaze.

Sai’s brain was fritzing. It was such a simple gesture, but he had no idea fresh flowers could make him feel like this: Wanted. Cherished, even? Something fluttered in his chest. He had never given anyone flowers before. He was just a dumb teenager when he dated Imogen, and there had been no one since. But if this is what getting flowers from a suitor could feel like… he suddenly understood so much about the quiet gesture.

But Christian misinterpreted his feelings as Sai’s brain sputtered.

“Oh no… is it — you don’t like it?”

Sai snapped back into place. “No, I do like them. I really do. Thank you.”

He was on the verge of smiling sappily at Christian when his phone alarm jangled.

“sh*t,” Sai muttered, pulling it out of his pocket and silencing it. “I’m supposed to put the garlic bread in now but I haven’t actually made it yet, I’m so far behind!”

Christian cupped Sai’s face in his hands, leaned forward, and kissed him, shutting Sai up. It was a short kiss, but enough to sap the worry from Sai’s forethoughts. Christian pressed their foreheads together and exhaled through his nose, the warm breath ghosting over Sai’s lips like a desert wind through an oasis.

“I’m here now,” he mumbled. “Put me to work. Sous chef Christian, at your service.”

Sai couldn’t help but smile.

“Since you’re the flower expert, want to put them in water? And then maybe chop the veg for salads?”

“Your wish is my command.” Christian took Sai’s hand in his and led him back to the kitchen. As Christian worked on his tasks, Sai assembled the garlic bread. Christian hummed some melody as he worked, and Sai settled into the rhythm as he spread butter and cheese across the bread. Before he even knew it, the bread was in the oven, the salads were at their places and the roses were arranged in a vase at the center of the table.

“I think… we’re actually in good shape,” Sai said, surveying the kitchen. “Another 10 minutes on the lasagna, and it has to rest a bit.”

“In that case, babe, I think I want to grab a quick shower, wash off the airplane? Change into something a little more comfortable?” He gestured at the business casual outfit he’d worn for plane travel.

“Go right ahead,” Sai said, stepping forward to kiss Christian one more time before he retreated into his bedroom.

Sai turned back and looked at the table, smelled the lasagna bubbling away in the oven. Just 20 minutes ago he’d been on the verge of a freak-out. Christian had changed that just with his presence, his thoughtfulness. Sai generally thought of himself as a calm and balanced individual, but Christian showed him what true tranquility could be.

Sai washed up what he could while he waited — wash as you go, his mother had always taught him. He finished what he could, and had just taken the lasagna out of the oven — perfectly brown on top, the garlic bread needed another few minutes — when he heard a cough behind him. Sai’s jaw dropped when he saw Christian leaning against the doorframe. His hair was damp, and he bore a pair of classic gray joggers — but it was the Truham crop top that had so affected Sai.

“Oh my god,” Sai yelped, staring at Christian’s bared midriff.

“You like?” the other man asked, grinning evilly. “Been keeping this one in reserve for just the right moment.”

“You gotta warn a guy!” Sai yelped. No, he hadn’t yet managed to peel his eyes away from the milky skin stretching from just below Christian’s chest down to where the joggers clung to his waist. “Where the hell did you even get that? We didn’t have crop tops in school!”

“You’d be amazed what you can order on the internet these days,” Christian said. As he spoke, he shifted his stance to lean against the other side of the doorframe, his lithe abdominal muscles slinking beneath his skin as he moved. Sai used up most of his willpower to stop himself from licking his lips, not wishing to give Christian, the absolute wanker, the satisfaction.

“Why don’t you go ahead and carry this to the table,” Sai said, pointing at the lasagna. “I’ll pour some wine.”

He did his damndest to ignore Christian as he flexed unnecessarily while picking up the heavy pasta dish, following behind a minute later with the bread and a beaujolais.

Despite Christian’s blatant effort to make his heart race, Sai found himself calmed quickly as they ate. He had felt increasingly on edge all week, but now that Christian was home, Sai felt so much more at ease. Sai was beginning to remember what being in love felt like. It had been a long time, a very long time, since he’d had reason to feel that way, and in the intervening years, he had eventually gotten used to being alone. To being lonely, a lot of the time. Not anymore.

Not that he, you know. Was in love.

Though he might be getting there…

Their conversation flowed easily as the men caught up on bits of their week they hadn’t shared on their nightly calls and otherwise just chatted amicably about nothing in particular. It was the emotional version of slipping into a nice bath, Sai’s mental tension loosening and dissolving as warmth enveloped him.

Speaking of warmth enveloping him, Sai grinned widely as Christian took a third serving of pasta, moaning exaggeratedly and grumbling that his choice of shirts would make the ensuing “food baby” quite obvious.

Christian was just finishing his plate when a splash of tomato sauce fell from his fork, narrowly missing the crop top and instead smearing along his abdomen, which was indeed slightly less defined than before, not that Sai was any less turned on. Christian instinctually grabbed a napkin, but a second look at Sai fixated on the errant sauce apparently gave him another idea. Christian held out one finger and swiped it across his skin, picking up the sauce in one swoop. Then, daringly, he held that finger out to Sai.

Did Sai have enough dignity to turn it down? No, he did not. The lust won out. He at least managed to roll his eyes, a tiny victory for his last shred of dignity when it came to Christian, before Sai leaned forward and engulfed Christian’s finger in his mouth, sucking gently at the sauce there. He felt kind of silly, but the insistent bulge in his pants pushed those thoughts out of his mind.

He leaned back.

“Why, Mr. McBride, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”

“Trying?” Christian said with mock offense. “You mean I’m not succeeding?”

Sai looked thoughtful for a beat. “Still to be seen.” He leaned back and gripped one hand nervously in the other. He’d thought about proposing this all week, and now the time had come, Sai found himself still quite nervous. He was pretty sure Christian would be interested… but this was definitely something new and that could be scary, or weird.

“Babe, I can see you thinking. What’s up?”

In for a penny.

“So… I’ve been thinking about that time in the shower. Uh, that first time in the shower?”

Christian squinted ever so slightly and nodded.

“And how you really seemed to enjoy being touched… you know, back there?”

One of Christian’s eyebrows shot up.

“And I thought maybe you might like to try… you know…” Why couldn’t he get the words out? Sai felt like his head was going to explode, torn between raw desire and overwhelming embarrassment.

“Are you asking if you can f*ck me?” Christian asked.

“Oh my god! No! Not that — I mean, not that I’m opposed to that, eventually,” Sai sputtered. Amusem*nt splashed across Christian’s face. Sai could only hope it was fond endearment and not mere pity he saw there.

After a few gasps, Sai found the words. “I’m offering to rim you!”

The men stared at one another for a minute. Six months ago, if someone had told Sai that he would offer to perform analingus on his best friend and there was a high likelihood he would accept, he would have slapped them. Truly, life moves quickly.

“I mean, if you don’t want to, if you’re not into that, it’s totally fine,” Sai rambled. “You know what, uh, yeah, nevermind —”

He stopped babbling when Christian grabbed his wrist.

“Yes.”

Sai shot him a look.

“You wined me, dined me,” Christian said. “And we’ve already 69’d, so…”

Sai didn’t need to be told yes a third time. He jumped up, grabbed Christian’s hand and yanked him out of his seat and toward his bedroom. Christian let out a laugh at Sai’s enthusiasm as they jogged across the flat. Through his doorway, Sai twirled Christian around until he was in front of him and pushed him gently backward onto his bed. Sai was eyeing Christian like he was the last bottle of water in the middle of the desert when he suddenly stopped and turned to look back out toward the flat.

“What’s wrong?” Christian asked.

“It’s just… I left the lasagna out,” Sai replied.

“Sod the lasagna, I’ve got something way better over here,” Christian said, twisting so he could lightly smack his own ass.

Sai’s eyes darted back and forth a couple of times until he finally decided his brain wouldn’t let him enjoy rimming Christian until he’d at least put the food in the fridge.

“Back in two shakes, I’m sorry!” he yelped, running out of the room. He didn’t see or hear any response from Christian in his rush. Sai moved at lightning speed, slapping a lid on the leftover pasta and basically throwing it through the refrigerator door. He also tossed a few vegetables left out from the salad in the crisper, made extra certain the oven was off, then raced back to his bedroom.

Sai returned to find Christian lying face-down on the bed, having stripped off the joggers and crop top — that was going to enter Christian’s regular at-home rotation, Sai decided — leaving him in just a pair of purple briefs. He seemed to notice Sai returning, and started stretching, showing off his lithe muscles and piquing his ass a little. The half-erection in Sai’s pants, which had flagged a bit as he raced to put the food away, quickly returned.

He walked over and carefully perched above Christian, planting one leg on either side of him and staring down at his alabaster back.

“You had a long trip,” Sai said, leaning forward. “How about a little massage, to take the tension off?”

“Pretty sure your hands all over my body won’t decrease my tension, but I won’t say no,” Christian said, his face turned to one side as he lay flat against the mattress.

Sai — who didn’t have much experience giving massages but figured it couldn’t be that hard — reached forward and began with Christian’s neck. As he worked, Sai noticed he had a couple of tiny, cute little moles on his shoulder blades, like landmarks on Christian’s smooth, expansive back.

He gently but firmly worked the muscles in Christian’s neck, then along his shoulders, Sai’s fingers pressing into the strong, wide tissue. Underneath, Christian moaned at the pressure, squirming slightly, which only caused Sai to stiffen further. Sai was relieved to find that his brain was able to continue the massage while being deprived of all the blood currently engorging his own co*ck. He worked his way down Christian’s shoulders, along his spine and eventually his lower back and the dusting of hair there that Sai was intrigued to find drove him wild.

His fingertips brushed against the waistband of Christian’s briefs.

“Can I…”

Christian merely grunted in response and lifted his hips. Sai gripped the briefs on either side and shimmied them down his waist and legs, tossing them aside. Before him lay his boyfriend, nude, blissed out against the mattress.

Sai repositioned himself, back to straddling Christian but now centered over his knees instead of just below his ass. Sai placed his hands on Christian’s cheeks, rubbing the fleshy mounds and occasionally exposing the tight ring in between.

After a few minutes, as Sai worked up the courage to take the next step, Christian spoke up, his voice low with a combination of exhaustion and lust.

“Hey, are you gonna just play around back there or are you gonna eat me out already?”

“Someone’s impatient,” Sai shot back, smacking Christian’s ass. “Complain more and I’ll have to do that again.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” Christian mumbled back, a smirk appearing on his lips.

“Noted,” Sai replied, finally placing one hand on each cheek and pulling them apart, revealing Christian’s entrance: Tight, pink, puckered. It quivered slightly in the open air.

“Is it weird if I say you have a pretty arsehole?” Sai asked bashfully as he scooted back for easier access.

“Hmm… didn’t have that one my bingo card for today, but I’ll take it,” Christian replied.

Sai hesitated one last time. He’d never rimmed anyone of any gender before, and wasn’t entirely confident in his abilities. Plus, what if Christian didn’t like it? Sai wasn’t sure, but it didn’t seem like the kind of thing he would have tried before when he was with women.

“Listen, Chris… if I’m bad at this… or, I don’t know, if you don’t like it. Just tell me and I’ll stop, I promise.”

Sensing Sai’s concern, Christian twisted around just enough to make eye contact.

“I understand,” he said. “But I have to be honest, I’m so f*cking green light right now.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Christian turned back around and lay flat again, raising his hips slightly — presenting himself to Sai like something out of a nature documentary. Whatever cobwebs of doubt lingered in Sai’s mind were completely swept away by Christian’s words and that image.

Sai leaned down, his face just inches away from Christian’s entrance. His warm breath flooded out of his lungs and over the muscled ring, making Christian gasp up above. Time to put to the test all those internet articles he had read. Sai’s tongue darted out and made contact with Christian’s entrance. He swirled his tongue around the ring there once, sort of like eating one of those peach ring candies he’d been fond of as a child.

For a moment, he wasn’t sure he’d done it right. But suddenly, as his tongue continued to swirl, Christian began shuddering beneath him, his whole body writhing.

“Jesus f*cking Christ,” Christian gasped. Sai was about to pull back, but Christian either sensed it or predicted Sai would do that, because he quickly spat out, “Keep going, please!”

With that encouragement, Sai really dove in, viscerally enjoying feeling Christian’s whole body shaking beneath him. With his tongue, he could also feel Christian’s entrance reacting, tightening and loosening over and over. After changing up his licking technique a couple of times, going for up and down motions instead of just circling the rim, Sai pulled back, gasping slightly, not having been able to get enough oxygen through just his nose.

Christian whined in protest. “Why’d you stop!?” he asked, his voice tinted with frustration.

“One, so I didn’t suffocate down there,” Sai replied, sucking in air. After he regained his breath, he spoke again. “And two, so I could do this.”

He moved down slightly and sucked first one, then both of Christian’s balls into his mouth. Sai, his hands on Christian’s hips above, rolled his balls around gently inside his warm mouth, figuring his spur-of-the-moment inspiration would be welcomed, and it was. Christian sucked in a sharp breath, then released a long, guttural moan at the sensation. Sai had been pretty sure Christian was hard, but with his co*ck trapped beneath his body, he hadn’t been 100 percent sure. Now, as he mouthed Christian’s balls, he could feel the hard shaft where it merged into Christian’s body.

Sai felt Christian’s balls tightening slightly — he may be getting close, without even touching his co*ck. Pushing down the swell of pride that accompanied that realization, Sai reluctantly let them fall from his mouth, and immediately licked his way up Christian’s perineum and back to his rim. Sai wished he was recording the sounds emanating from Christian’s mouth as he resumed rimming him. Christian was moaning almost nonstop now, squirming beneath Sai.

Sensing he was close, Sai pressed his tongue forward, past the tight ring and into Christian’s heat. It was just the tip of his tongue, but he was inside Christian. Sai’s head was dizzy, but at the last second he remembered something he’d read online and moved his fingers to Christian’s taint, massaging the area there. Such pressure would translate to Christian’s prostate and enhance the org*sm, Sai recalled reading. Time to put theory into praxis. With one hand massaging Christian’s perineum and his tongue jabbing away at his entrance, Christian suddenly contracted, moaning as every part of him convulsed in pleasure. In the back of his mind, Sai realized that Christian was cumming all over their sheets, which would need to be changed before they could sleep, but it was hard to give a sh*t about that when his boyfriend was jolting beneath him like a bucking bronco.

The close experience of feeling Christian come apart almost tipped Sai over the edge, but he managed to stave off coming in his pants. After a bit, Christian stopped shaking and began to settle.

“Holy sh*t, Sai,” he said between little gasps. “Best massage ever.”

Sai looked up and watched as Christian’s back rose and fell with each heavy breath.

“Did you…” Christian mumbled, unable to finish his coherent thought.

“Not yet,” Said replied. “Could I just… just beat off on your ass?” Mortifying words, had he not been so insanely turned on at the time.

Christian merely grunted his permission.

Sai realized his face was coated with saliva from eating out Christian. He pulled off his shirt and used it to wipe the moisture away from around his mouth before tossing it to the side. Standing quickly, he shucked his trousers and pants, the cool air feeling heavenly on his engorged co*ck, then hopped back up on Christian, positioning himself just above the curve of his ass. Sai grabbed his leaking co*ck, stroking it a couple of times before aiming it at Christian’s cleft and rubbing it between the fold between his cheeks. Christian moaned a little at the sensation, and Sai greatly enjoyed feeling the warmth surrounding his length. One day he hoped Christian would let him bury himself in that warmth. But not today — right now, Sai just desperately needed to cum.

It didn’t take long, stroking his length, before he felt the tightening in his groin, static electricity dancing along his fingertips and behind his eyes.

“Chris, I’m close,” he murmured.

“God, f*cking do it,” Christian muttered back.

Sai stilled his hand as his org*sm built, edging that feeling of being perfectly balanced on the edge before he resumed his strokes and spilled over. White streaks erupted from his dick, painting Christian’s back as far up as those moles on his shoulder blades, Sai was proud to notice. Unable to stay upright anymore, Sai crashed forward, holding out one arm to keep himself from landing directly on top of Christian as his other continued to stroke himself to completion. His hot breath fell on Christians neck, where the edges of his hair were damp with sweat.

“Holy sh*t,” Sai said when he regained enough brain function to speak through his gasps.

“You’re telling me,” Christian replied. “I feel like such a slu*t. You know, in a good way!”

Sai giggled a little.

“Hey, the sheets are shot at this point,” Christian said. “Mind if I turn over? I want to see you… kiss you.”

“God, yes,” Sai replied.

Christian twisted beneath him until he was lying on his back, looking up. Sai’s eyes raked over his toned body, flushed red from their exertion. He noticed Christian’s cum had smeared around his groin and along his belly, against which his half-hard co*ck now lay. Christian also appeared to be taking in Sai’s nude body and softening co*ck, his eyes darting across Sai’s dark skin.

Sai leaned forward and kissed Christian. They made out softly for a few minutes, until Sai felt something poke against his thigh. Pulled back, he glanced down and laughed.

“Looks like someone is ready to go again,” Sai said, pleased.

“What can I say? My insanely hot boyfriend just came all over my back and then made out with me,” Christian replied, propping himself up on his elbows.

Sai locked lips again as one hand snaked between them and grabbed Christian’s rapidly hardening co*ck. Still slick with his cum from earlier, and using some of the pre-cum leaking once again from his co*ck, Sai began stroking him, up and down, twisting just a little around the head, as he’d quickly learned Christian enjoyed.

It wasn’t long before Christian turned his head, breaking their kiss. “Sai, I’m close again.”

“Then cum for me, Christian.”

He watched closely as Christian’s eyes rolled back a bit in his head. Christian began shaking, shooting hot breaths of air from his mouth that flowed over Sai’s face as he felt his org*sm splashing between their stomachs, smaller eruptions given how quickly Christian had come around. They enraptured Sai nonetheless.

Spent, Christian’s arms gave out and he flopped back on the mattress, breathing deeply. Sai, himself tired, maneuvered so he could fall on his side, pressed up against Christian, their nude forms entangling. His cheek pressed against Christian’s chest, Sai could literally feel his heart pumping heavily, slowing steadily as Christian regained his senses and calmed from his second org*sm of the night.

Sai tried to remember every little detail of those moments. How Christian’s chest heaved up and down. His lips parting to breathe in and out. The little ringlet of hair near his temple, soaked with perspiration. How Sai felt overheated, and yet he also felt heat flowing into him from Christian pressed up against him. Sai could live in this moment.

But it was just a moment. It could be stretched into minutes, but eventually would pass.

Once they’d both calmed a bit, Sai, still plastered to Christian, spoke up.

“So… seems like you enjoyed being rimmed?”

Christian giggled. “Babe, ‘enjoyed’ doesn’t cover it. ‘Will be dreaming about that for weeks’ is more accurate. God, where has rimming been my whole life? I’ve been missing out!”

Sai blushed and smiled. With heat no longer blooming inside him, and the evidence of their multiple org*sms starting to crust between them, Sai shivered a little.

“We’ll have to change the sheets… and shower,” he said, despite making no effort to move from Christian’s side. “Ugh, and the dishes.”

“Okay, here’s what we do,” Christian replied. “Double shower, but not the sexy kind, I don’t think I can handle round three. Then we change the sheets as fast as possible and cuddle. Sod the dishes, I’ll do them in the morning. Deal?”

Sai huffed in amusem*nt. “Deal.”

He waited for Christian to make the first move to get up, but none was forthcoming. Sai propped himself up on one elbow.

“Are you going to move?”

“Oh, I thought I was,” Christian replied. “Sorry, my boyfriend just licked the life straight out of me through my butt and now I’m basically a puddle of soup.” He grunted exaggeratedly and stood, then turned and offered a hand to Sai, pulling him up. Sai, unsteady, inadvertently lost his balance and fell into Christian, who gripped him tight.

“I see you too have jelly legs,” he said with a smile, leaning forward to kiss Sai again.

Sai wouldn’t mind having jelly legs every day if it meant being able to come home to Christian every night. Instead, he stuffed that thought down, kissed Christian back and led him off to the shower.

Chapter 16

Chapter Text

It was Date Night, and Christian was giddy.

Well, Date Afternoon, although it was going to last into the night.

He had been snuggling against Sai one night a couple of weeks ago watching Sky Sports (Sai’s fingers combing gently through his hair, Christian’s scalp tingling at his touch… but anyway) when he realized that they never went out together. This had all started that day when Christian asked Sai to go out with him, but they’d never technically done that part. It was obvious why, of course — they weren’t out yet, so their flat had become a bit of a safe space where they could flirt and be casually intimate and do couple-y things. But it meant when they were out and about, usually with friends, they had to hold back.

Well, f*ck that, Christian resolved that night. Sai deserved better, and he was gonna damn well give it to him. They were going on a date.

He’d told Sai to clear his calendar for an upcoming Saturday. Sai already had plans for lunch with his parents, but Christian had him block out the rest of his day. Despite Sai’s protestations, Christian refused to reveal his plans for The Date. At first it was because he hadn’t quite figured all that out yet, but eventually it was just fun to watch Sai beg, and even more fun to mercilessly deny him.

Christian was waiting near the bus stop downtown at which they’d agreed to converge when Sai disembarked around 2:30, right on time.

“Hey,” Christian said, standing awkwardly on the sidewalk. It was hard to calculate exactly how much PDA was appropriate in public still — both because they were both men and because they were still getting used to the relationship.

“Hey, sunshine,” Sai replied with a grin, shuffling a bit on his own two feet.

“How was your lunch?”

“Fine. Where are we going?”

Christian tutted. “Pushy, aren’t we?”

“Chriiiiiiiiis…”

Christian smiled as Sai pleaded. He was far too cute when he did that. Christian took a chance and proffered his hand, which really seemed to throw Sai, who looked at his palm and then up at Christian’s face with some surprise.

“What if we run into someone we know?” he asked.

“Where we’re going… unlikely,” Christian replied. “But also, you’re worth the risk.”

Sai rolled his eyes, but Christian could tell he was covering a light blush. Hand in hand, they turned and walked west. Christian could see Sai’s eyes scanning ahead of them for possible clues as to their destination. He wondered how close they would get before Sai—

“Wait,” Sai said as he abruptly stopped walking, their joined hands yanking Christian back as well. “That’s the Kent Building Museum. Are we going to the building museum?!”

Christian grinned and nodded.

“Oh wow! They have this exhibit on old cinema architecture that I’ve been dying to check out!”

“I know, you’ve been jabbering about it for two months.”

“You remembered that?”

“I can remember things,” Christian protested in jest.

“Oh my god, thank you!” Sai yelped, throwing himself against Christian and gripping him tightly. Christian was pushed backward slightly by the force, but laughed after stabilizing himself. This was only part one of The Date, he thought. How would Sai react to the rest of their night?

Christian ended up only paying for his ticket, because Sai — of course — had a membership, the giant nerd. (“I get a discount through my firm,” he said, as if that made it less dorky.)

Soon, he was being pulled into the historical cinema exhibit. It described how the invention of “talkies” made movie theaters almost ubiquitous — smaller theaters spread out in every neighborhood, as well as giant, ornately decorated cinemas, contrasting with the giant, sterilized cineplexes they have today. Christian would have found the exhibit mildly interesting on its own terms, but watching Sai’s face as he moved through the exhibit was far more interesting. Christian couldn’t decide which he liked more: How Sai’s lips pursed when he was reading the displays, the intense concentration he got when he was scrutinizing photographs or artifacts, or the way his eyes lit up when he found a particularly interesting fact he wanted to share.

Christian tried not to make his staring too obvious, but eventually Sai caught him out, gazing fondly at his architect boyfriend from the other side of a glass showcase displaying some sort of rusty old projector.

“What?” Sai asked. His smile dropped a bit. “Am I being too much?”

Christian shook his head as he walked around to the same side of the display.

“No. You’re never too much.”

Sai huffed. “That might be the sappiest thing you’ve ever said, McBride.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“Chris… we’re in an architectural museum. You can’t be this charming in an architectural museum.”

Christian stepped into Sai’s personal space, crowding a little close for a public place, though he didn’t hear Sai complain.

“Too charming?” he said in a sultry voice. “I can’t help it, babe, seeing you run around like a kid in a candy store has me thinking things.”

Sai actually shivered a little, triggering a little twist in Christian’s gut. He leaned in to kiss him. It was pretty chaste at first, but then Sai opened his mouth, and before Christian knew it they were making out a little more heavily than was strictly appropriate for a museum.

They had been alone, but of course it wasn’t long before they heard people talking nearby. They pulled apart, and Christian unconsciously wiped his lips with his shirtsleeve as they broke apart. The small group of elderly visitors who came into the room a moment later didn’t seem to notice anything amiss.

Christian giggled a little as Sai blushed.

“Come on,” Sai said, grabbing his hand and pulling. “I want to go see the concrete exhibit.”

“Oh, the concrete exhibit,” Christian said sarcastically. “I was hoping we could see the retrospective on window panes instead!”

Part Two of The Date involved a lot of heart-pounding activity in the dark.

Laser tag. They were playing laser tag. Hey, they may be queer men in lo— who are dating… but they’re still lads at heart.

Both of them were pinned down about 10 feet apart, no one else from their team in sight. They were on their own. The enormous room was mostly dark, lit just enough to see shadows as other players skirted between the random obstructions peppered throughout the room to create cover. Flashing lights and belches of white smoke from machines hidden throughout the room leant it an eerie feel.

Sai and Christian were exchanging hand signals, although since they hadn’t actually established those signals before starting, they were mostly just miming their plan, and it was clear neither really understood what the other was trying to convey.

Eventually, Sai gave up and spoke quietly, just loudly enough for Christian to hear.

“I’m just going to go for it, okay?”

“Bad idea, they could be out there!”

“We have to do something.”

Sai let out a roar that had Christian surprised as he leapt forth from his hiding place. But before he could even lift his laser blaster, Christian saw the receiver device strapped across Sai’s chest flash red and beep angrily, indicating he’d been hit multiple times.

“Aaaand it was an ambush, yep,” Sai said kind of loudly without looking at Christian.

Christian figured he was signaling that he could get the drop on the squad that had taken out Sai. He turned in the opposite direction, meaning to dart around the side of the room and sneak up on the opposing players.

But before he could fire a single shot, his monitor beeped and blinked an angry red. Christian had been shot.

“What? How?” Christian asked, looking in all directions but seeing no one.

Sai pointed wordlessly behind him — and up.

Christian raised his eyes to the balcony level, where that pimple-faced little middle schooler from their orientation group was pretending to blow smoke from the barrel of his laser blaster.

“Really, Dylan? In the back?” Christian shouted.

Dylan gave him the finger. “Suck it, old man!” he shouted.

Christian’s jaw dropped, as did Sai’s beside him, and both men took a step backward in shock.

“Did he just call us ‘old’?” Chrisitan sputtered toward Sai. “We’re 27, dude!” he yelled up at that snot-nosed brat.

“That’s literally twice my age, grandpa!” Dylan shouted back before disappearing.

“Ugh, come on,” Sai said, turning away.

“Kids these days!” Christian muttered. “No respect!”

Christian navigated his way through the crowd to the table in the corner where Sai was waiting. He had a beer in each hand and a little placard with a “6” on it so their food could be delivered when ready.

“Here we are,” he said, placing one drink in front of Sai and sliding into the opposite seat. “Cheers!” They clinked their glasses and sipped the cool beers, maintaining eye contact the whole time. It was so intimate. Christian felt a tingle run across arms and then down his spine, completely unrelated to the chilled beverage. He finally couldn’t stop himself from giggling, gazing away from Sai in a valiant but ultimately unsuccessful effort not to blush.

“I had a really great time today,” Sai said. “Thank you for putting up with me at the museum, you must have been bored out of your mind.”

“Uh, well, I definitely wasn’t bored. Never when I’m with you,” Christian said. So sappy, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying it. “Also, you seem to be under the impression that the date is almost over.”

Sai’s eyebrows jumped.

“It’s not?”

“We’ve got another stop after this.”

“What is it?”

Christian just looked at him with the biggest smirk he could muster and sipped his beer.

“Chris, where? Oh come ooooon, tell me,” Sai whined. He even made a pouty face adorable enough that Christian almost wanted to spill the secret.

“I will not!” Christian replied. “Now behave yourself or I’ll… I don’t know, give you a smack.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Sai said, and it was so unfair how f*cking sexy that was.

Suddenly, a waitress appeared at their table, a plate in her hand.

“Table six?” she said.

“Yup, it’s for him,” Christian said, pointing at Sai.

She placed the plate, containing two giant slices of pizza, in front of Sai and then left.

Sai twisted in his seat, watching her depart. “Is yours still coming?” he said.

“I didn’t order anything, I’m… not hungry.”

“You’re not hungry? That’s a first,” Sai said. “You always rave about the pizza here.”

“Speaking of — try the Hawaiian pizza, go on.”

“Pineapple on pizza? Sounds very American.”

“It literally is, now put in your mouth, mister.”

Sai rolled his eyes and hefted the slice up to his face, taking a bite from the tip. He chewed for a moment, then closed his eyes and moaned.

“Oh, that’s so good! Damn, I hate to admit it, but ham and pineapple is a genius combination,” Sai said after swallowing. “I can see why you love this place. Still doesn’t explain why you’re not eating.”

Christian just looked away. Sai took another bite, staring at him as he chewed. Christian felt like he was sitting beneath a hot spotlight under a giant microscope.

“All right, I give up,” he finally said, setting the slice down. “I’m not taking another bite until you tell me why you’re not eating.”

Christian pursed his lips; Sai clearly wasn’t going to either let this go.

“I’m not eating because later I want to… you know…” — he lowered his voice so nearby diners couldn’t hear — “have sex.”

Sai leaned in and lowered his voice to a whisper as well.

“We’ve done that already.”

“No, I’m talking about… you know, sex-sex,” Christian replied, his face burning as he willed Sai put two and two together already.

“Oh,” Sai said. “I — uh-huh, okay.” They’d done a lot, but they hadn’t taken that final step yet.

“I don’t…” Sai clearly was still lost.

“You got flying colors on your biology A-levels. Surely you remember the basics of the digestive system.” Christian desperately wished they weren’t in the middle of a semi-busy pizza shop on a Saturday night having this discussion.

Finally, the gears in Sai’s head apparently began turning.

“Oh,” he said quietly. “Ohhhhh! Oh.”

Christian huffed and leaned back, smiling with embarrassment.

“Wait,” Sai said. “Do you want to… you want to be the —”

“Yeah. Yes. Is that okay?”

Sai took a beat before responding. “Yeah. That’s okay.” He looked dazed

Christian downed the rest of his beer, then shifted to stand. “You want another one?” he asked, pointing to Sai’s still half-full glass. Sai, staring blankly at nothing in particular, shook his head no.

As he passed Sai, Christian leaned down to whisper directly in his ear.

“I figure, if your tongue felt so good, I can’t even imagine what your co*ck is going to do to me.” For good measure, Christian pursed his lips and blew softly across his earlobe before rearing back up.

Sai made a sort of strangled sound and slapped one hand over his mouth as Christian moved away toward the ordering station, pleased with his teasing, and even more ecstatic that Sai had so readily agreed to his wanton desires.

“Meat Cute? We’re going to Meat Cute?”

“Um, yeah. I thought it would be fun to go, you know, this time as a couple.”

Christian and Sai had been to Kent’s premiere gay bar a dozen times before when out with Nick & Company, more often in their university days during summers and breaks, but a couple of times in the years since. It was as fun as any other club, and sure, they got flirted with by men when they were there, although a bashful confession-slash-apology that they were straight (ha! Christian thought) usually brought those encounters to a cordial close. Christian nostalgically remembered one time the bartender, a butch lesbian with short blue hair named Kassidy, had found out they were straight (ha!) and put a two-dollar surcharge on all their drinks the rest of the night.

But now they could walk in together. Together, together, not just at the same time. The idea sent a tingle down Christian’s spine.

“That’s amazing,” Sai said, his eyes sparkling. “I could go for some dancing.”

A sign inside the door indicated it was “Pop Princess Night.” Christian and Sai entered as “One Kiss” featuring Dua Lipa was blasting. They surveyed the room. It was still a little early in the night, especially for the queer crowd, but there were a respectable number of people bouncing around the dance floor and crowded into booths and around tables on the perimeter.

“Drink?” Christian said, nodding at the bar.

Sai nodded, and they wandered over, looking at the menu until they heard a voice in front of us.

“Well, well, it’s Charlie and Nick’s straight friends. Been a while.”

Christian looked up and saw none other than Kassidy standing on the other side of the bar, a hand on one hip, taking in him and Sai. Her hair was neon orange now, but she looked much the same as the last time they’d been in here.

“Hello, Kassidy,” Christian replied, grinning. “Could we get a couple of vodka crans?” He eyed Sai as he said it, getting a nod approving the order.

“Yeah, that’s 10 quid — I mean, 12 quid each,” she said, grabbing two glasses.

“The straight surcharge?” Sai protested.

“Yeah,” Kassidy replied, focused on pouring cranberry juice into the glasses. “You’re still straight, aren’t you?”

Christian shot Sai a look and got another nod in response to his silent question.

“So, about that…”

He waited until Kassidy stopped what she was doing and looked up at them, then leaned over, put one hand on Sai’s chin to turn his face toward him, then leaned forward and kissed him, enough to make his point but not enough to be inappropriate.

“Ha ha, yes!” Kassidy shouted, pumping two fists into the air. “I knew it… Hey Arnold, guess what?”

A mustachioed older man making margaritas down the bar looked up. He squinted at Sai and Christian for a moment before recognition spread across his face.

“Arnold, they’re…” Kassidy held up one hand and let it go limp-wristed. Sai’s mouth dropped open and Christian slapped one hand over his mouth and giggled.

“Pay up, mate,” Kassidy, “50 pounds.”

“Wait, you bet on us being queer?” Christian said with chagrin. “We came here like every six months! How did you even remember us?”

“Two cuties like you? We remembered,” Arnold said as he pawed through his wallet. “Besides, do you know how many straight boys make regular repeat trips here with their friends? It’s usually guys on the path to Dorothy, you know what I — wait a minute.” Arnold looked up at them. “You had a third straight friend, didn’t you?”

“Oh, Otis? Yeah.”

“Is he…”

Christian eyes Sai before answering. “Still happily straight, so far as I know.”

“Aha!” Arnold reached under the bar and pulled out a little black book.

“f*ck, I was hoping you’d forget that,” Kassidy said.

“No, here it is… two of them is only 20 quid, sweetie. It’s only 50 if it’s a hat trick.”

“Damn.” She held out her hand, into which Arnold slapped a 20-pound note, waggled his eyebrows at Christian and Sai and returned to his margaritas.

“So no surcharge, right?” Sai asked. Christian rolled his eyes fondly.

“Oh, pumpkin, brand new gaybies drink free,” Kassidy replied, pouring generous portions of vodka into their glasses. “Welcome, fam.”

The men picked up their glasses and clinked them together before taking a sip, their eyes never leaving the other. Christian had been here before, but now there was just something different in the air — or rather, in him. He didn’t particularly fear being out with Sai in public — they’d just spent the day together, after all, though he knew much of the security he felt came from a place of some privilege. But still, having a place he and Sai could come specifically to be two men together… it was comforting. Was he having an emotional moment? Christian had planned to come here just for some fun dancing, but suddenly he realized this was a huge moment for both him and Sai, and the enormity of it almost overwhelmed him.

Fortunately, just then, “Juice” by Lizzo came on. Christian’s face lit up; he was a huge Lizzo stan. (Hmm. Another missed sign, he thought.) He downed his drink and grabbed Sai, who guzzled the rest of his and dropped the glass on the bar before Christian dragged him onto the dance floor. Christian sang along to all the lyrics as he frolicked around in front of Sai, who just laughed joyfully at his exuberance.

An hour later, ten more pop divas and four free co*cktails deep each, Christian and Sai were bouncing away on the dance floor, happily letting the beats flow through them as much as the alcohol. Christian was reveling in being so free and open with Sai. Ironically, no one was approaching to hit on them like their prior trips to Meat Cute. He supposed it might have something to do with the fact that he and Sai couldn’t take their eyes off each other.

Meat Cute had gotten significantly more crowded as they danced. “Power” by Little Mix was blaring around them when Sai suddenly grabbed Christian and pulled him a few feet over, behind a cluster of beefy bears. Christian shot him a confused look — talking on the dance floor was effectively impossible — and followed Sai’s outstretched finger to see — Nick. There was a huge crowd in between them, so it was hard to see, but Christian could also make out Tara Jones and Elle Argent. Clearly it was a queer friends night out, and for half a second he was miffed they’d been left out before he remembered they weren’t actually out to their friends yet.

Sai pulled Christian off the dance floor and over to the bar, where they could at least hear each other.

“Should we go say hi?” Christian asked.

Sai looked thoughtful for a moment, but then shook his head. “I think I do want to tell them soon, but… not this way. I’m kind of toasted, anyway.”

“I agree,” Christian replied. “This would just be weird.”

“Guess we should get out of here.”

“Yeah, we can — sh*t, they’re coming this way.” Christian looked over and could see Nick’s signature coiffure above all the other heads, and moving towards them. He happened to catch Kassidy’s gaze at that moment. She saw his slightly panicked look, then looked over in Nick’s direction. She turned back to Christian and smiled, putting one finger over her mouth. Christian knew then she wouldn’t accidentally out them and said a private prayer of thanks (and added to his mental checklist to give Kassidy a big tip next time they were here.)

He took Sai’s hand and pulled him past the bar and down a hallway that led to the toilets.

“We’ll wait in here five minutes and then sneak out,” he said.

He pushed open the bathroom door. Despite the packed club, it appeared to be relatively empty, except for a uni-aged twink who was applying more glitter to his face in the mirror. He looked over at Sai and Christian, his eyes flitting down to their joined hands before he looked back up and smirked.

“Pardon me,” he said, his voice dripping with sultriness as he slinked past them out the door before it closed.

They stood awkwardly in the echoey bathroom for a moment.

“What if someone comes in? We look like perverts just standing here,” Sai complained.

Christian looked around.

“Well,” he said, reaching out again for Sai’s hand. “What if instead we looked like perverts sharing a stall?”

He tugged Sai toward the stall at the end, pulling him in and shutting the door behind them. It was a bit of a squeeze, but hey, he’d brought them in here to get closer. He put their gross club bathroom surroundings out of his mind and leaned forward, pecking a couple of times at Sai before his boyfriend finally gave in and pushed his lips back. Their tongues swirled together, and Christian could taste the margarita mix from Sai’s co*cktails still lingering on his palate. They made out languidly for some time — Christian was pretty sure it had been longer than the five minutes they’d decided to wait, but hey, a little extra padding wasn’t a bad idea while they were waiting out their friends.

Christian was just beginning to wonder if they were perhaps going to do more than snog in the loo when the main door burst open. The loud sound made him and Sai pull apart, and they stood absolutely still. Sure, hooking up in the bathroom was Gay Bar 101, but they still preferred not to get caught.

It sounds like two people, possibly very drunk from the uncoordinated way they were stumbling around. After maybe twenty seconds, the other people apparently found their way into the first stall in the row and slammed the door shut, locking it behind them.

Sai met Christian’s gaze and they giggled silently, amused that another couple had had the same idea at the same time. Christian had no idea what the etiquette was here. Should he clear his throat to let them know they were there? Should they stay perfectly still until the others were gone? Or is it more of a bacchanalia, and each party was free to do its own thing, even thrive on one another’s raw lust?

He didn’t have enough time to mull through the options before one of the other men finally spoke.

“Oh, Charlie…”

Christian and Sai locked eyes and let their jaws drop. It was Nick and Charlie. Of course those hornballs had stumbled in here.

Okay, now it was extra awkward. These weren’t two randos — they were their close friends! Who had no idea Christian and Sai were in here… or together. Well, Nick sort of knew, although Sai didn’t know Nick sort of knew, and Christian felt a pang of guilt about that, but again had to squash it when —

“Charlie… oh Charlie, I need… I need…”

“Yes, love?” Charlie replied, sounding much more in control of his faculties than Nick. “Use your words, Nick.”

“I need… your co*ck in my mouth.”

Christian heard the sound of a zipper being opened, and that’s when he knew they couldn’t stay here.

Shocked, he stared at Sai with his mouth as wide as it would go. Sai’s hand was clasped over his own mouth, possibly to stop himself from laughing. Christian motioned with his hand that the two of them should make a run for it. Sai nodded, and Christian held up three fingers for a countdown.

When his last finger dropped, Sai pushed their stall door open, grabbed Christian’s hand and booked it out of the loo as fast as he could, pulling Christian behind him. He couldn’t help but giggle as they sprinted out the door and then down the darkened back hallway until they reached some rear exit that dumped them out into an alleyway.

Sai finally released his hold on Christian and bent over, guffawing as he used his hands to prop himself up against his knees. Christian leaned against some stacked wooden crates, alternating between cackling and trying to suck in enough air to survive.

“I always… suspected Nick had an… oral fixation,” Sai choked out in between laughs. “But to have it confirmed…”

“Oh god,” Christian moaned. “I didn’t want to know that!”

“Do you think they saw it was us?”

Christian thought about it. “I don’t think so. They were pretty preoccupied.”

Speaking of preoccupied, Christian’s brain had absorbed enough oxygen that he could refocus on his boyfriend, who had finally stopped laughing so hard and could stand up again. He had happy tears running down his face. Sai removed his glasses and wiped away the moisture, then ran one hand through his hair, messing it all up.

Sai was so f*cking hot, Christian thought. How had he not realized that years ago? What had he been thinking? Part of Christian wanted to push Sai up against the dirty wall in this gross alley behind Meat Cute and attack Sai’s lips with his own. Another, more southerly part wanted to do a lot more than that, things that they couldn’t do in an alley where cops might see.

Well, Christian thought, the blood had stopped rushing to his head and his legs. Had to go somewhere.

“So what now?” Sai asked, still panting a little from the exertion.

Christian stepped into his personal space, planted his hands on Sai’s hips and pulled him flush against him before leaning over to place his mouth next to Sai’s ear.

“Now… I want you to take me home and f*ck me,” Christian growled quietly. To make his point, he nipped gently at Sai’s earlobe.

Sai gulped audibly in response. Christian felt Sai’s co*ck harden against his leg, straining against his trousers. Sai also shivered all over. It was a huge turn-on that he could have such an effect on Sai just with a few well-chosen words whispered into his ear.

“Yeah, okay,” Sai finally choked out.

Chapter 17

Chapter Text

They stumbled out of the Uber and were barely through the front door of their flat before Christian slammed Sai up against it, pushing the entire length of his body against the slightly shorter man and attacking Sai’s mouth with his own like it owed him money.

After a minute, Christian’s hands wandered down from Sai’s shoulders, which he’d been holding up pressed up against the door, and down his torso, sneaking up under his shirt. For a moment, Christian let himself feel the warm skin over Sai’s stomach as they continued to make out. Then he pulled his mouth back, ignoring the whine from Sai, and lifted his hands, pulling Sai’s shirt and coat along with it over his head until Sai stood before Christian shirtless. Christian tossed the garments aside and immediately returned to making out with Sai. His lips moved from Sai’s own down to his neck, then his collar bone, and quickly but wetly over each of Sai’s nipples, yanking a groan out of him. Christian, falling to his knees, continued kissing his way south until he was mouthing the trail of hair emerging just above Sai’s trousers.

He looked up, wordlessly asking permission, and was thrilled to see Sai looking completely blissed out but staring back at him. Christian raised his eyebrows, and Sai nodded in response. Returning his attention to his eye level, Christian undid Sai’s belt buckle and unzipped his trousers, tugging the fabric downward and off, along with his loafers, leaving Sai straining against his purple boxers. Christian leaned in to mouth Sai’s co*ck through the cotton, his saliva and Sai’s own leakage combining to almost soak his underwear. Finally, Christian couldn’t stand to wait any longer. He curled his fingers around the waistband and slid Sai’s pants down, slowly, so the hair at his base and the length of his shaft were leisurely revealed. Once the boxers finally cleared Sai’s co*ck, it sprung up in front of Christian, pointing straight at him, practically begging to be sucked. And who was Christian to deny?

He took an exploratory swipe along the underside with his tongue until he reached the head, which he enveloped in the wet, warm heat of his mouth. Sai was leaning back against the door, which Christian realized probably felt cold along the length of his nude body but that was probably the only thing holding him up right now given the shakiness of his knees.

Christian continued to take more and more of Sai’s length into his mouth. In the months since they’d started having sex, he had become significantly more skilled at giving blowj*bs, and he put all the tips and tricks he’d learned — both in general from googling, and specifically from trial and error with Sai — into practice.

It was clearly working. Sai was making all sorts of funny breathing sounds as his fingers carded through Christian’s hair. Sai gripped his hair slightly and pulled, not too hard, and Christian found it a big turn on. The low-level pain combined with his lust to send signals straight to his co*ck, which was still trapped inside his trousers, desperately seeking release. But there would be time for that later. Right now was about Sai.

And it appeared Sai was enjoying himself greatly. By now, Christian was taking his entire length in his mouth, his nose pushed up against Sai’s pubes. Christian loved the feeling of Sai’s co*ck throbbing along his the entire length of his tongue, up against the soft palate on the roof of his mouth.

It made him feel powerful, to worship the man he loved.

Loved.

In that moment, for the first time, Christian didn’t push the thought out of his mind, didn’t qualify if or note to himself that in platonic ways he has loved Sai for a long time. No, he loved Sai, romantically. (And sexually, obviously.) He loved Sai! It felt incredible to think that and finally embrace the concept, even if it was just in his own head. In fact, Christian was slightly grateful his mouth was stuffed full of co*ck at the moment, as it made accidentally blurting out those thoughts impossible.

The train of thought delivering these revelations to Christian was interrupted when Sai began pulling at his hair more forcefully, with purpose. Christian reluctantly let Sai fall out of his mouth and looked up.

“If you don’t stop… I’m gonna cum,” Sai said between gulps of breath.

“So?”

“Well, didn’t you want me to… you know — oh, unless you don’t want me to anymore—”

Christian smirked and interrupted Sai.

“Babe… what makes you think this is the only time you’re cumming tonight?”

Sai’s eyes widened with shock at Christian’s bold statement, his pupils almost completely dilating away the color of his irises. Christian leaned back in, watching Sai’s eyes roll back as he took him back inside his mouth. Working with abandon, it wasn’t long before he felt Sai stiffening. He pulled on his hair gently, one last warning that Christian appreciated but ignored, and finally Sai was spilling down Christian’s eager throat as he cried out with pleasure. He made sure to swallow every last drop. Christian wasn’t huge on the taste, and wondered if he ever would be, but knowing that it was Sai’s essence meant swallowing was still a huge turn-on for the blond man.

Spent, Sai finally allowed himself to slide against the door until he collapsed on the floor, his co*ck falling out of Christian’s mouth along the way. Christian leaned forward and kissed Sai, wondering how he felt about potentially tasting remnants of himself on Christian’s tongue. They made out lazily for a few minutes, giving Sai time to recover and Christian a few minutes to take the edge off so he didn’t accidentally cum in his pants.

No, tonight when he achieved his release, Christian was determined it was going to be on Sai’s co*ck.

Having finally backed away from the brink, Christian pushed back and stood up. He held out a hand for Sai and pulled the shorter man to his feet, smirking at the irony of Sai being completely nude and Christian still totally clothed. For a moment, they just looked into each other’s eyes, and then Sai blinked and opened his mouth.

“Would you put on that crop top?”

“The Truham one? You liked that, huh?” Christian replied with a smirk.

“You know I did,” Sai mumbled, looking away.

“Okay, go in and I’ll change and be right in,” Christian told Sai. Once at the dresser in his bedroom — maybe it was time to move his clothes into Sai’s room, or rather, their room, Christian thought briefly — he pulled out the crop top.

At Sai’s door, Christian leaned over and peeked past the frame. Sai, nude, was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him with great curiosity.

“Are you planning on entering?" he asked.

“Funny, I was going to ask you that question a little later,” Christian said, prompting a major eye roll from Sai.

Christian stepped into the room and Sai gawped. He had changed into the crop top, keeping on the jeans he had worn throughout the day. (Christian had yanked his socks off while in his bedroom — there’s no sexy way to take socks off.)

“Oh, wow,” Sai muttered.

“Just you wait,” Christian teased. He pulled out his phone and turned on some club beats and striking what he hoped was a sexy pose.

“What are you doing?” Sai asked quizzically.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Christian asked, shimmying closer to Sai and placing one leg on the mattress beside him so he could lean in and kiss him once, twice. “I’m pulling a Magic Mike.”

Christian stood back up and grabbed the hem of his crop top, slowly pulling it up. Sai was unable to look away from his abdominal muscles undulating as he lifted the shirt over his head. Once he finally had it removed, Christian held it in one hand and swung it around before tossing it at Sai. It landed on his head, and he laughed before clutching it and tossing off to the side.

“All that and you kept it on for like 10 seconds,” Sai said, giggling.

“Well, maybe sometime I’ll keep it on the whole time. Would you like that?”

Sai gulped audibly. Being so desired was heady for Christian.

But he couldn’t luxuriate in that feeling. The show must go on. Christian turned and showcased his ass in these jeans, jutting it out and rubbing his palms along the small of his back. He slowly backed up into Sai’s space, eventually maneuvering to sit with his butt in Sai’s nude lap. Christian twisted around and caught Sai’s mouth in his own, the two men kissing as Christian guided Sai’s hands up and down his torso, over his toned stomach and hard nipples. His touch felt like electricity crackling over Christian’s skin. He was once again fully hard and leaking inside his jeans. Christian thought about dragging things out, but Sai was too good, too delicious, and he needed to move forward.

He broke their kiss, standing and turning to face Sai.

“Want to do the honors?” he asked, glancing down at where his hands were hovering over the button and zipper of his jeans.

“f*ck yes,” Sai said. He placed his hands on Christian’s shoulder slowly tracing his downward path until his fingertips were tickling the trail of blond hairs leading into Christian’s trousers. Sai met Christian’s gaze for a moment, then looked back down to concentrate. Christian watched as he undid the button and slowly, torturously slowly, started pulling down the zipper.

But Christian had planned to torture Sai back.

Sai had unzipped Christian’s jeans about halfway when Christian noticed his face changed slightly. He paused for a second, the unzipped a little more. Christian knew Sai had realized he wasn’t going to find any pants underneath the jeans, just more and more of the dark blond hairs that led to the base of his throbbing co*ck.

“You’re… commando.” Sai looked up in shock and arousal at Christian’s face.

Christian merely nodded.

“Were you like that all day?”

He nodded again, a smirk forming.

“Even at the museum?”

“Did I defile the Kent Building Museum?” Christian asked lowly.

“I’m just glad I didn’t know at the time,” Sai muttered back, running one of his hands over the nape of Christian’s neck. “I never would have bothered with the concrete exhibit.”

Christian gasped. “Dammit,” he muttered, but his mouth was stuck in a giant smile. They kissed a few more times before Sai lowered his hand, finished unzipping Christian’s jeans and pushed them down to the floor.

“Step out and back,” Sai ordered.

Christian complied, now standing fully nude as Sai drank in the sight. He let Sai simply stare at him for a minute before Christian turned to display his backside, parting his legs slightly to better showcase the thing he most wanted Sai to notice. It clearly worked. Looking over his shoulder, he could have sworn he saw Sai’s co*ck — back at half mast — twitch a little.

Sai stood and walked over, plastering himself along Christian’s back, his swollen length pressed along the cleft of Christian’s ass. “You are so f*cking beautiful, I can’t believe it,” he murmured into Christian’s ear.

No, Christian thought, what was unbelievable was that someone as hot and cute and smart and funny and kind as Sai would even give him, a walking mess, the time of day. But Christian quashed those thoughts quickly. True, he was fortunate to have captured Sai’s interest, but Christian was determined not to second-guess his boyfriend, to take his appreciation at face value. It was time to trust again, and Christian knew he could trust Sai more than anyone else on the planet.

While he was thinking, Sai had been pressing little kisses along his back. Sai gripped Christian’s arms and gently guided him over to the bed before pushing his shoulders until Christian fell forward onto the mattress.

“I’m going to have a little appetizer before we get to the, ah, finger foods, if that’s okay?” Sai said haltingly, his fingers tracing the cleft of Christian’s ass.

Christian rolled his eyes since Sai couldn’t see them but decided to play along.

“Consider me your smorgasbord,” he replied.

Sai got into position behind the prone Christian, gently pulling his cheeks apart and diving right into licking around his entrance. Christian said a quick prayer of thanks for all the nerve endings back there as Sai’s tongue had him seeing stars instantly.

Sadly, the tongue-lashing lasted only a few minutes. Christian groaned angrily, but Sai tutted him as he stood and went to his bedside table, pulling a bottle of lube from the drawer.

“I know, Christian, I’m sorry, but I need to open you up if I’m going to carry out my promise to—” Sai leaned in and whispered directly into Christian’s ear — “absolutely wreck you tonight.”

Christian unsuccessfully tried to stop himself from actually whimpering at Sai’s threat. God, he was so needy, but he couldn’t deny it. Didn’t want to deny it, not to Sai.

He heard the sound of the bottle cap popping open and heard a little liquid squirt out into Sai’s hand. Christian glanced back and saw Sai rubbing the lube between his fingers, warming it, and even though it was their first time doing this, Christian was grateful Sai thought ahead about his comfort.

When he felt Sai’s fingertip brush against his entrance, Christian tensed and gasped, going rigid under Sai. There were his sensitive nerve endings again… Christian prayed just to last long enough for Sai to actually f*ck him.

“I’m going to try a little bit of one finger now, okay?” Sai said calmly. “Remember to let me know if you’re green, yellow, or red, okay?” One of his hands rubbed Christian’s hip as he spoke, like he was a spooked horse Sai was trying to calm, but Christian liked it.

Sai’s index finger ran along Christian’s rim a few more times before he pressed the tip slowly inward, passing into Christian. It was really happening, and it felt… maybe a little odd, to be honest, but Christian had read up on this and it seemed most people adapted after a little while and began feeling a lot of pleasure from this. And it certainly didn’t hurt — not yet at least — so Christian was determined to hang in there. Sooner than he thought, he felt the rest of Sai’s hand pressing up against his rim — Sai’s whole finger was inside him.

“You can, uh, try moving a little now,” Christian said.

Slowly, Sai pulled his finger back most of the way, then forward again, repeating the move a dozen or so times. The odd feeling subsided, and Christian felt a few flashes of pleasure, but it wasn’t nearly enough.

“You can add another finger,” Christian said.

Sai withdrew his index finger nearly all the way. Christian felt a little more lube being added to the mix, and then the slow press of two fingers into him. This time he could really feel the burn, and he grimaced slightly at first, but in a few seconds it subsided enough that it was more pleasurable, akin to the burn of working out at the gym.

After a minute Sai was once again as far as he could go. Christian told him to just leave his fingers lodged there for a couple of minutes so he could get used to it. As they waited, Sai traced his free hand up and down Christian’s body, fingertips ghosting over sensitive skin and leaving goosebumps behind in their wake. He also pressed a few kisses along Christian’s back.

Christian felt… cared for. Emotionally and physically. He didn’t hate it.

“Okay,” Christian finally said. “Move, please.”

“You’re the boss,” Sai replied, and he thrust in and out a few times. Christian was about to say something when Sai apparently divined his wishes and began scissoring his fingers, expanding Christian in preparation for what was to come. More of that pleasurable burn washed over Christian, making his breathing more halting.

“How’s that?” Sai asked tentatively, and Christian realized he might be misinterpreting his little gasps as pain instead of pleasure.

“Good, good,” Christian replied.

Sai then switched tactics, curling his fingers and poking around a bit, like he was trying to locate—

HELLO .

Christian yelped and his whole body spazzed for a second.

“Looks like I found your prostate, then,” Sai said smugly.

Christian, still quivering a little, huffed. “Looks like.”

“Better make sure,” Sai jabbing at the tiny bundle of nerves again. And again. And again.

Christian started jerking around like he was being electrocuted, and it almost felt like it, in a good way. The heat that had pooled within him since he sucked off Sai — hell, since the club — suddenly turned into an onrushing firestorm. He kind of wanted to see what would happen if Sai kept going, but Christian remembered his self-promise about how he wanted this night to end and slapped the mattress beside him while saying, “Yellow, yellow!”

Sai immediately stilled his fingers, and the jolting throughout Christian’s body lessened to static electricity.

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry, Chris—”

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Christian choked out between deep breaths. “I just… that was really f*cking good and… I didn’t want to… finish that way.”

“Oh,” Sai replied, sounding a little dazed. “Wow.”

They stayed still for another couple of minutes until Christian moved closer to simmer than boil.

“Sai… can you add a third finger?”

“Are you —”

“Green, green.”

“Okay, yeah,” Sai replied, his voice sounding dry.

More lube, more pressure, and soon enough, Christian felt three fingers probing his innards. If you’d told him a year ago he’d be doing this — and would be going wild — he’d have slapped you. It didn’t take as long to acclimate to the added digit, and soon enough Christian was telling Sai to move. It only took a few minutes before Christian’s impatience got the best of him.

He twisted his torso a bit to look directly at Sai.

“I think it’s time for the main event,” he said. Christian’s eyes darted down to Sai’s lap, where his co*ck was once again back to full hardness and leaking. “Looks like you agree.”

“I’ve been like this for half an hour, you tease!” Sai said, lightly smacking Christian’s ass with his free hand. “Umm… so how do you want to do this?” Sai asked, avoiding meeting Christian’s gaze. Yes, the awkward logistics part.

“Well, I’ve read your first time is better… doggy-style?” Christian floated gently. He had read that, but he also had read that a co*ck is deceptively bigger than three fingers, and he worried that any twitch of pain on his face would be seen by Sai.

“f*ck… okay,” Said replied. “Do you want… should I wear a condom?”

Christian shook his head. “No. We both tested clean. And I can’t get pregnant. Unless you want to, then I support your decision.”

Sai thought for a moment, then shook his head as well.

“Good,” Christian said with an evil grin. “I want to really feel you inside me.”

“Babe, you can’t just say stuff like that,” Sai complained, hijacking Christian’s nickname for him, but he figured such intimacy was okay since Sai currently had six knuckles buried in him.

“What are you gonna do about it?” Christian asked.

“Give me a minute and you’ll find out,” Sai replied.

He withdrew his fingers from Christian slowly, leaving a hollow feeling behind. It really was a strange feeling and Christian fought the urge to keen sadly at the emptiness, knowing it wouldn’t be that way for too long. He scrambled up onto all fours, his swollen co*ck hanging heavy between his legs, and felt Sai reposition himself directly behind him. Christian heard yet more lube being squirted out, a little pressed against his entrance and the rest, he assumed, slathered over Sai’s shaft.

Then there was stillness. For too long.

Christian twisted his head to look back toward Sai, just catching him in his peripheral vision.

“Something wrong?”

“No, I just… this is just a huge, un-take-backable step and I was just taking a moment, is all,” Sai replied.

Christian huffed. “Moment over yet?”

Sai guffawed. “You are absolutely gagging for it, aren’t you?”

Yes, he was, and Christian wasn’t above admitting it at this point if it meant getting what he’d been craving all day.

“Is my ass in the air somehow unclear?” he yelped. “Please, Sai, f*ck me already!”

“I will,” Sai said, grabbing Christian’s hips and steadying him. “If only to finally shut you up!”

“You’ve got the wrong end if you’re trying to make me — hooooooooooooooo,” Christian said, his taunts completely derailed by the feeling of Sai’s co*ck pressing against his entrance. He immediately felt sparks shooting up his spine from this basic contact, and wondered with his last iota of brain power if he may actually not survive the coming f*ck.

Eh, what a way to go, Christian thought as his higher brain functions were overcome by a torrent of raw lust.

Slowly, slowly — seriously, slowly, Christian could have watched the back half of “Titanic” at how slow Sai was moving in his effort to be tender — he felt Sai push forward, past his sensitive ring and into his tight heat. Christian didn’t really understand how, but his dick sure felt a lot bigger than three fingers in terms of girth. But Christian hadn’t been raised a quitter, so he focused on his breathing and on relaxing his muscles back there, assured by people on the internet that once he had some time to get used to it, the feeling would be spectacular. He was already feeling zaps of bliss building against the backdrop of the stretch and burn.

One final tiny surge forward, and Christian felt a shock of relief as Sai’s head fully entered him and his rim could contract slightly around his shaft. He gasped at the sensation, his arms shaky under him.

“You okay, Chris?” Sai asked from behind him.

“Yeah, just… yellow for a minute,” Christian replied, amazed that he had the capacity for speech at that moment. “I need to… get used to this.”

They remained still for a bit, focusing on their breathing, until the awkwardness was deafening.

Sai apparently decided to fight the awkwardness with more awkwardness.

“This feels… really different from sex with a girl.”

Chrisitan immediately screwed up his face over what Sai had said.

“Yeah, I f*cking noticed,” Christian fired back.

The two men froze for a second until Sai started snickering behind his back. Christian was confident enough in himself to find what he’d said funny, as well, and soon he was laughing too.

“Ooh, whoa,” Sai said, his giggling halting.

“Something wrong?” Christian asked, his own laughter fading with concern.

A pause.

“No, I just… I could feel you laughing, you know… around me, and it felt f*cking amazing.”

Even though he couldn’t see him from here, Christian could tell Sai was blushing. Hell, his glasses might be fogged up in embarrassment. Knowing that he was having that kind of physical effect on Sai was a heady feeling for Christian. A new way to feel turned on and powerful.

“So it feels good for you?” Christian asked.

“f*cking hell, yeah… does it feel good for you?” Sai asked tentatively.

“Actually, it’s feeling better, yeah. Why don’t you… keep going?”

“Yeah?” Sai asked.

“Yeah, green,” Christian confirmed.

He felt Sai’s hands on his hips once again, and then the methodical dragging of Sai’s co*ck deeper and deeper within him. Christian knew he was okay, but the feeling of something so big entering him there was pushing his nerves to the edge of their limits.

All of a sudden, however, Christian had an experience similar to the second wind he sometimes got running long distances. The sensations finally crested, and the discomfort very quickly faded away, allowing him to more clearly feel the low levels of pleasure.

A few moments after that, Sai apparently bottomed out.

“Need a minute?” he asked politely.

“Yeah,” Chrisitan gulped.

Behind him, he could just feel Sai’s fingers ghosting over his hips and up and down his back, feather-light on his skin. Sai was mumbling, something about “doing so well” and “so f*cking hot, you’ve no idea.” And, okay, sue him, Christian liked that, liked his partner appreciating him so vocally and obviously, liked that he turned someone else on so fully. Sai’s muttered praise distracted Christian as he waited to adjust, and after a couple of minutes the pain had almost completely subsided and impatience began to creep in.

What a strange and wonderful way to have sex, Christian thought.

“Okay, I’m ready,” he stuttered.

“You sure?” Sai asked hesitantly.

“Green, babe, please f*ck me now,” Christian replied.

After another moment’s hesitation, he felt Sai start withdrawing, the slow friction of his co*ck along Christian’s insides and the stimulation along his sensitive rim almost driving him feral. He balled up one hand into a fist against the mattress, leaning on that one as his other slapped down on the sheets loudly.

Finally, Sai stopped, and Christian braced himself.

The push forward was like nothing he’d ever experienced, like sparks flying off a sword being sharpened on a whetstone. He could feel it throughout his entire body, in his limbs, his fingers and toes, along his skin, hell, places like his earlobes. Christian had never had sex like this, and he wondered how he’d gone this long without it. He knew with that first real stroke, then and there, that while he’d certainly swap with Sai sometimes — modern men are versatile — bottoming for Sai was going to be his raison d'être from now on.

But there was plenty of time to think about future sex sessions later. Right now, Christian needed to focus on not deeply embarrassing himself by climaxing after just a few minutes. Fortunately, it seemed that as long as his dick — hanging swollen and flushed between his legs — remained untouched, he had enough willpower to remain in check long enough to enjoy the ride.

Riding. That was definitely going on Christian’s list for a later date.

As much as he was enjoying the shock waves of pleasure roiling his body, Christian was starting to tire from the exertion of being on his hands and knees that long. He was also quickly tiring of the view: The sheets and headboard, rather than the man he loved who was currently long-dicking Christian like a p*rn star, somehow. It was always the quiet ones!

“Hey, Sai, hold on,” Christian said, the first coherent thing he’d managed to get out since Sai started railing him in earnest.

Sai immediately halted. “What is it?”

“I want… I want to see you,” Christian admitted. “Can I… lay down and…”

“Oh, right, yeah,” Sai replied. “Okay, uh, here.”

Christian felt him slide backward, with a zap as the head of his co*ck passed through Christian’s ring. He felt empty, hollow, and quickly flipped over onto his back to make this interlude as brief as possible.

Sai looked half-wrecked already. His hairline was slightly damp from sweat, his mouth hung open with want and his co*ck jutted forward, a sword angrily searching for its sheath again. Sai was breathing heavily, and his chest was puffing up and down as his lungs gasped for air. If Christian hadn’t already been turned on about 150 percent, the image of what he’d done to Sai certainly would have gotten him there.

Christian lifted his legs and bent them around Sai in an embrace, pressing gently to coax him forward. Sai got the message, and scooched forward until Sai could feel his co*ck pressing against him again. Sai braced himself with his arms on either side of Christian’s head, leaning forward to kiss him, both of them having almost no coordination or composition as they each struggled to get enough oxygen and enough of each other. Eventually, Christian turned his head slightly so he could speak.

“Get in me already,” he groaned.

Sai chuckled. “So pushy…” he said, gently biting Christian’s earlobe before rearing back up so he could see the space between them. Sai poured a little more lube along his length and stroked it a couple of times to distribute the liquid, then used one hand to aim himself at Christian’s target as he pushed forward.

“Oh, Jesus f*ck,” Christian moaned uncontrollably as he felt Sai breach him again. This feeling of being full… good lord.

“I wish you could see… I wish you could see…” Sai recited as he watched his co*ck disappear inside Christian. Christian did wish he could see, and would have to get Sai to film it sometime for a proper look. But for now, Christian was seeing plenty — of stars, and that’s just what he needed.

It didn’t take long for Sai to bottom out once again, and Christian reveled in that feeling of being totally full, a physical manifestation of the emotional fulfillment Sai gave him.

Then Sai began thrusting, quickly moving up to a proper pounding. Oh yes, this view was so much better. Although it was hard to concentrate with Sai’s co*ck pistoning into him, Christian did his best to lock onto Sai, his wide pupils, the bead of sweat dripping from his temple, the way his stomach and abs undulated as he f*cked into him. Put a picture of that in the Louvre, Christian thought, before realizing that no, this was something special, something just for him to see, only for him.

Christian wished this could go on all night, that he could call in sick that week, that they could just keep making love indefinitely. But this new angle, getting to finally look at Sai’s blissful face, his slightly foggy glasses, the damp hair hanging over his forehead, the feeling of Sai hovering over him, heat pouring off his body like a warm invisible waterfall — Christian could already feel himself building to an overload. This one was different, though, Christian could tell already. Waves of current were zipping across his skin, dancing through goosebumps like a tiny aurora borealis.

Christian realized he was on the precipice, without either of them ever even touching his co*ck. Good lord, Sai was good at this.

“Sai, I’m close… I’m gonna…”

Sai looked down at Christian engorged co*ck between them, then back up at his face. He smiled.

“Go one then, sunshine.”

Then, the cusp. Christian felt his entire body shaking as he rattled apart from the inside out, overwhelming impulse bouncing back and forth, up and down his limbs, radiating forever inward. His abs contracted as he felt the warm splash of his release flooding over them. (Somewhere, some errant brain cell had the thought that he must look like a toaster strudel whose owner had haphazardly applied the icing, a thought which would have made him giggle, had he the lung capacity, which he did not.) His vision also sputtered, never going white like you read in books, though he found he basically couldn’t focus his vision on anything in particular as he climaxed.

As his systems finally began to reboot, Christian realized Sai had stilled and was trying to talk to him.

“Chris? Chris? Jesus, are you okay?”

Christian blinked a couple of times and lifted his head, where he saw Sai looking down at him with a look crossed between amazement and concern. He huffed and let his head drop back on the bed.

“I think I just saw god… and she asked me to tell you to keep up the good work,” Christian muttered.

“What?” Sai’s voice was full of confusion.

“I… nevermind,” Christian said. “Did you…”

“No, not yet,” Sai said. “That was pretty intense and… I came very close, but, no.” He looked away with embarrassment. “Do you want me to, er —”

“No,” Christian said, running one hand lazily up and down Sai’s arm. “I want you to f*ck me, Sai.”

Sai gulped. “Well… it won’t take long after seeing you, uh…”

“Come like a freight train?” Christian asked with an exhausted smile.

Sai giggled and dropped his head into the crook of Christian’s neck.

“Something like that.”

Christian turned and kissed Sai’s cheek before whispering in his ear.

“So are you gonna f*ck me or what?”

Sai lifted his head, his eyes squinting with disbelief. “You asked for it,” Sai laughed as he suddenly thrust back into Christian and, oh, this was a new sensation, his nerves pretty well fried by all that org*smic energy he released a minute ago. The feeling was almost too strong, but Christian was determined to hold on, knowing Sai likely wouldn’t last and wanting to reciprocate.

He was right — after probably less than two minutes, Sai’s thrusts became a little more erratic, his breathing heavy, his eyes screwed shut.

“I’m so close,” he said, opening his eyes and looking at Christian. “Should I pull out?”

Christian’s jelly legs suddenly sprang to life, locking themselves around Sai’s bare ass to stop him from backing up.

“I want to feel this,” Christian growled.

“Oh god,” Sai huffed.

A few more thrusts and Sai stilled against him, buried to the hilt. Christian could feel Sai’s dick twitching inside him, which was an interesting experience, although he was slightly disappointed he couldn’t really feel Sai’s release flooding his insides. He had been curious what that might feel like. However, that was more than made up for as Sai’s arms gave out and his head again fell into the crook of Christian’s neck. He gasped for air against his clavicle, his steaming hot breath ghosting over Christian’s skin. Christian ran his hands up and down the side of Sai’s torso, feeling him breath in and out heavily. He was overcome by a warm feeling of pride, pride that he made another person — someone as incredible as Sai Verma — feel this way.

He loved that feeling. He loved feeling that feeling. He loved Sai. Those three thoughts kept roiling through his head for the couple of minutes Sai took to come down in his arms.

Finally, Sai reared upright, met Christian’s gaze and immediately grinned widely.

“Wow,” he said.

“Yeah,” Christian replied.

“I’m so glad I’m pansexual.”

“Not as glad as me.”

The two men held in a laugh for just a second before they began guffawing outright. After a couple seconds, though, Sai hissed slightly and looked down at where they were still joined together, where he was still buried inside Christian.

“Sorry, sensitive, I’m gonna…”

He slowly withdrew until his slightly deflated co*ck fell out of Christian. Sai leaned down and, before Christian could ask what he was doing, began licking Christian’s cum off his stomach and chest.

“Sai!” Christian yelped in surprise.

Sai stopped and looked up through his lashes, his eyes blown wide and dark. “You get to keep some of me. I want to keep some of you.”

Christian was pretty sure a tiny bit more oozed out of his co*ck hearing that. His head lolled back onto the bed and he just reveled in the feeling of Sai methodically licking him, although Sai continued for long enough that Christian realized he had definitely finished cleaning him up and was now just indulging himself.

He tapped Sai’s shoulder, intending to ask for some post-coital cuddling, but before he could, Sai jumped up and ran into the bathroom. Christian heard water running for a bit before Sai emerged with a warm, wet washcloth, which he ran first gently over Christian’s aching hole before cleaning his co*ck and finally running it over his stomach.

“Thanks, babe.” Christian said when he was done. Sai kissed him, then tossed the washcloth onto the floor and spun around to press his back against Christian’s front. Christian plastered himself against his boyfriend’s back, enjoying the warmth pressed up against his front and letting his hands wander a bit, not doing much beyond idly exploring Sai’s supple skin. Christian made a couple passes over Sai’s ass. He almost got hard again thinking about the possibilities involving that — almost, however, as it seemed Christian’s libido had reached its limit for the night.

“Thank god you have this big king-size bed,” Christian mumbled into the back of Sai’s head.

“Well,” Sai replied, “we spend a third of our lives in bed, so I figured it was a worthy investment.”

“Babe, after that… and, uh, everything else we’ve done the past couple months… I can confidently say we’re gonna spend a lot more than one-third of our lives in bed,” Christian said, pressing kisses to the back of Sai’s neck, which warmed at his words. Christian kept administering kisses there until he drifted off into a deeply satisfying sleep.

The next morning, the sun was only just peeking over the horizon when Christian’s eyes cracked open. Usually, he’d go back to sleep at this hour, but he noticed through his bleary eyes that Sai wasn’t in bed beside him.

Christian lifted his head. The bedroom door was still closed; the bathroom door was open and the light was off. He then heard a tiny noise behind him and shifted enough to see Sai standing in front of the window, nude as the day he was born, quietly staring out at the still dawn.

Wordlessly, Christian threw the sheets off himself and stood. He walked over behind Sai, wrapping his arms around his torso and planting his chin on Sai’s shoulder, joining him in looking out as the first rays of light hit the newly formed dew.

“Morning,” Christian said, his voice gravelly from sleep as he gently bumped his temple against Sai’s.

“Morning,” Sai said, sighing and placing his own hands over Christian’s wrapped around him.

They stood together for a minute before Christian spoke again.

“Thank you for last night. That was… incredible. You’re incredible.”

Sai tittered. “I could say the same.”

“I mean it,” Christian fired back. “You’re amazing. Not just in bed, either, I mean every part of you is amazing.” He grinned, and could see in their reflection in the window that Sai was grinning too. As he watched, though, Sai looked a little distant, and the grin faded from his lips.

“Chris, um, I want to tell you something.”

Christian froze slightly. They’d been having a nice moment, but this sounded… not great. He literally didn’t breathe, waiting for Sai to speak again.

“I love you.”

Christian felt relief for a few seconds until it was was suddenly washed away by a tsunami of shock and warmth and a few other emotions mixed in that he would need a moment to fully digest.

“That is to say, I’m in love with you. Have been for a while, actually,” Sai said, looking a little sheepish in his reflection. “And I understand if you don’t feel that way about me, or if it’s hard to handle because of your past. But I…. I didn’t want to let more time go by without telling you. I love you.”

Christian hated that his momentary pause there in which he was trying to lasso his blossoming emotions had given Sai reason for doubt. He’d known for a while that he loved Sai as well. Okay, maybe while his mouth had been full last night was the first time he’d let himself really fully admit it in his own mind. But in retrospect… at the museum… watching Sai at his drafting table… even before they’d actually gotten together, maybe. This cake was baked a while ago, it turns out.

“I love you, too,” Christian said, pulling back and spinning Sai around to stare at him. Despite his best efforts, tears immediately pooled in the corner of his eyes. “I love you, Sai.”

“Really?” Sai asked quietly, shakily. “You’re not just saying that because I did?”

“I’m not just saying it. I would never do that — especially to you,” Christian said, his hands running up and down Sai’s upper arms reassuringly. Sai exhaled shakily in apparent relief.

“I love you, Sai Verma.”

“I love you, Christian McBride.”

Christian pulled Sai’s arm as he stepped backwards, leading him to their bed. Back under the covers, they lay facing one another kissing and occasionally stopping to swap “I love you”s until they drifted back to sleep for a while longer.

Hours later, awake again, Christian lay on his side facing the prone Sai, eating strawberries and melon which he had placed on Sai’s bare back like he was a human serving platter. He fed some of the fruit to Sai, who was on his stomach but had his face turned toward Christian. It was definitely the silliest lazy Sunday activity they’d ever done, but Christian also found it strangely intimate.

“This is so perfect,” Christian said after swallowing a bite of cantaloupe.

“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one with fruit on your back,” Sai murmured.

“Well… I was last night,” Christian replied, waggling his eyebrows.

Sai huffed and pinched his eyes shut. “I’m in for a lot of crass puns, aren’t I?”

“Hey, you knew what you were getting into,” Christian shot back. “Literally.”

Sai merely grunted in protest, but Christian noticed a blush pass over his face as well. They were quiet for a few minutes as Christian slowly fed himself and Sai pieces of fruit and watched each other contentedly.

Sai, looking contemplative and distracted, eventually broke the silence.

“Do you think we could have… or even should have, gotten together before now?”

“What do you mean?” Christian asked.

“Like… it’s kind of unusual for people to be friends for a long time and suddenly develop feelings, isn’t it?”

“Mmm, maybe,” Christian replied. “But whatever happened to get us here… for whatever reason it took us over a decade… I don’t care. I’m just so grateful that we’re together now.”

Sai grinned. “Me too. I love you.”

“And I love you.”

They were still grinning at one another like dopes when Christian’s phone alarm went off, signaling they needed to start getting ready for their Sunday football practice.

“Can’t we skip it, just this once?” Sai moaned, pressing his face into his pillow.

“First tournament game this week, babe, Carl will kill us if we skip practice.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Christian leaned up and saw just a few pieces of fruit still on Sai’s back.

“I’ll clean you up and then we can shower real quick.”

“Us? Taking a quick shower together?” Sai asked incredulously.

“It’ll have to be. But we can take a nice, long post-practice shower… pay attention to all your sore muscles,” Christian replied.

He bent over and placed his mouth directly on one of the remaining pieces of fruit, sucking it up, chewing it, swallowing and then placing a kiss on the spot it had been. Christian could feel Sai shivering beneath him each time.

“Feels so weird!” Sai said.

“Maybe,” Christian replied, “but I’d bet 20 quid you’re at least half-mast under there."

The final bit of strawberry was on Sai’s lower back. Christian sucked it up, kissed the area and then smacked Sai’s bum rhythmically like it was a pair of bongos. “I’ll kiss that later,” he said playfully.

He slid out of bed and held out a hand to Sai, who grumbled but took it and let Christian pull him to his feet.

Christian looked Sai squarely in the eyes.

“Have I told you lately that I love you?”

“It’s actually been a few minutes, sunshine,” Sai said with a grin.

“Too long, then,” Christian said, smiling but serious. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” Sai said back.

There was that tingle, again, sparking at the small of Christian’s back before running up his spine and down all his limbs. He loved the feeling of being in love — and in turn of being loved.

Chapter 18

Chapter Text

“Okay… that is officially the best way to start my birthday,” Christian huffed where he lay on his back in bed, one arm hanging bent over his forehead, the other carding through Sai’s hair. His chest heaved up and down as his breathing became less gasping and more regulated. It wasn’t the first time he’d been awoken with a surprise (but very welcome) blowj*b from Sai, but it was the first time Sai had first put a little novelty hat on Christian’s head that read “Birthday Boy” in colorful lettering.

Sai hauled himself up to lie beside Christian, facing him, one hand idly rubbing one of Christian’s nipples.

“So how does it feel to be 28, old man?” Sai asked playfully.

“Old man?” Christian sputtered. “I’m literally 16 days older than you!”

“Yeah, that gives you a couple weeks to work on your deep-throating skills,” Sai shot back. “I mean, if you’re going to reciprocate on my special day…”

“Oh, I see how it is,” Christian said, running one finger along Sai’s arm, causing goosebumps to rise across his dark skin. “Well… I suppose practice makes perfect.”

He slid down the bed and took Sai in his mouth, delighting in the sensation of him on his tongue, the silky skin that pulsed beneath his roving hands, the little noises Sai made, only for Christian, only for him.

Afterward, they indulged in a long, warm shower together. Sai’s huge shower stall with the rainfall feature was a continuing return on investment for their relationship.

“So… are you still good with the plan for tonight?” Sai asked as he rubbed a soapy cloth along Christian’s shoulders.

The men had agreed they wanted to reveal their relationship to their friends that evening at dinner. It felt like the right time, now that they’d had months together to gel and become comfortable with their new dynamics. Also, frankly, it was also getting harder and harder not to slip. And of course, Nick, at least, had sussed them out, which meant there was a good chance Charlie knew as well. It was only a matter of time now for the rest of them. But Christian and Sai were comfortable with each other and themselves, for the first time in a long time, and they wanted to share their joy with those their nearest and dearest.

Today: Their friends:

Later: Their families.

“I’m ready to tell them,” Christian replied. He turned his head to see Sai in his peripheral vision. “Are you?”

“Absolutely,” Sai said. “I’m a little nervous about it, but I’m mostly just excited.”

Christian felt a slight twinge of guilt. He’d never told Sai that he had talked to Nick and Charlie about his feelings before they’d gotten together. But if they were going to officially come out tonight, he figured it might come up.

He waited until they were out of the shower and wrapped in fluffy white robes to bring it up.

“Hey, babe, um, I need to confess something. I’m kind of hoping you’ll be okay with it,” he said bashfully.

Sai looked a little apprehensive. “Okay.”

“A long time ago… before we got together… I kind of talked to Nick and Charlie about my feelings about you?”

Sai looked puzzled.

“Okay…”

“It’s just that I was going crazy with everything and I couldn’t talk to you about it because, you know, it was about you, so I went and talked to them. And, uh, they helped me realize I was bi and helped me not be quite so scared of telling you how I felt. And I’m sorry I talked about you like that behind your back. But I didn’t have anywhere else to turn.”

Sai’s face was blank. “When did you talk to them?”

Christian thought back. “Um… like a week before my sister announced her engagement, if you remember that. I don’t remember the exact date.”

After a second, Sai burst out laughing. It wasn’t quite the reaction Christian had expected.

“Chris… before we got together, I went to talk to Nick and Charlie about my feelings because I couldn’t talk to you,” Sai spat out.

“You did? When?”

“The day Zoe got engaged, I remember because you were at your parents’ all day, that gave me cover to meet up with them solo without you knowing.”

Christian did a little calendar math in his head.

“But that means when you talked to them… they’d already talked to me. Did they say anything?”

Sai shook his head. “To their credit, no, they didn’t say sh*t. Although in retrospect, they weren’t doing anything to wave me off telling you how I felt.”

Christian felt surprise and relief wash over him. In a strange way, both of them seeking out Nick’s help maybe was kismet. A sign from the universe. Fate, even, if one were to ascribe to such beliefs, which Christian most certainly did not.

“It’s very mature of them to give us the space to figure things out,” Sai said, bringing Christian back to the present.

“Yeah, about that,” Christian said. Time to fill Sai in on another little secret he’d been holding back. Christian described Nick’s little tray prank and his own reaction to it. Sai was a little angry, muttering about the invasion of privacy, but the fact that Christian found it funny in retrospect calmed him.

“Please tell me you have some sort of revenge plan,” Sai said.

“Actually…”

“Yes, I knew it! Spill.”

“It’s not so much revenge as it is blackmail,” Christian explained. “Because I don’t think Charlie knows. If he did, Nick would be in the doghouse. So I think this is worth keeping in our back pocket to use down the road.”

“Oh, so you’re an evil genius,” Sai said, raising one eyebrow suggestively.

“Yeah, but I’m your evil genius,” Christian replied, pulling Sai in for a kiss.

They’d talked over a few different ways about how to come out to their friends, but had ultimately settled on just throwing a laid back get-together and acting like themselves — their real selves, two men in love. The fun came in waiting to see how far they could get into being touchy-feely and nickname-y before someone finally called them out. As a backup, their surprise outing to Meat Cute later in the evening would surely make it obvious.

By 8 o’clock, everyone had arrived. Since it was a double special occasion — Christian’s birthday and their surprise quasi-dramatic coming out party — they’d cast a slightly wider net than usual and invited Tara Jones, Darcy Olsson, Elle Argent, Tao Xu and Isaac Henderson, all people they counted as friends but didn’t see as often as the others. Between the friends stuffed into every corner and the table overloaded with Christian’s favorites — the slightly strange combination of pizzas, a tray of samosas and a slow cooker full of Swedish meatballs from IKEA, plus an assortment of cupcakes courtesy of Nick — their flat was full of warmth and life and laughter.

Between greeting people as they arrived, setting out food and making sure everyone had a drink in their hands, Christian and Sai hadn’t been physically near enough one another yet to actually act couple-y. Drawn into different groups’ conversations, Christian started wondering if he was going to have to shout across the room and call Sai “darling” or some such to get the ball rolling.

Just then, Isaac, who’d been sitting on the couch talking books with Sai, excused himself to get some more samosas, but was quickly pulled into an energetic conversation between Darcy and Aoife about something or other. Sai met Christian’s eyes as he surreptitiously patted the seat. Christian nimbly made his way through the crowd and plopped down, pressing himself against Sai a little more than was strictly necessary. He looked around at the seated area, but everyone in the immediate vicinity — Nick, Charlie, Tao, Elle, Otis, Imogen and Tara — didn’t seem to be paying them much attention amid a vigorous discussion about the hot new star of Doctor Who. The others stood circled around the dining table having a separate conversation.

After a minute, Sai yawned, or at least pretended to do so, stretching as he went. On the downswing, he wrapped one arm around Christian’s shoulders. Christian would have laughed at the clichéd move if he didn’t know why Sai was doing it. Tao, Otis and Charlie all appeared to glance over at them, but none reacted. Okay, in fairness, arm-over-shoulder was kind of a laddish thing to do. Clearly that wasn’t going to be enough.

Christian moved one hand over to Sai’s knee, which he began rubbing gently, running his thumb over his kneecap over and over as they pretended to follow the Doctor Who conversation.

That definitely got a lingering look from Tara and Elle, who then locked eyes and raised eyebrows.

But after a second, they both turned away again. Apparently they were still being too subtle. Time to do something not subtle.

Sighing, Christian pulled his hand off Sai’s knee and lifted his entire leg to sit across Sai’s (he’d read online somewhere this was essentially the international symbol for “I want you to rearrange my guts,” which Christian thought was hysterical). For good measure, he pulled Sai’s arm down from his shoulders and clasped his hands in between his, like he had in the shower that morning, then just looked into Sai’s big brown eyes.

Surely, surely, this can’t look heterosexual, Christian thought.

But more than a few seconds went by without anyone saying anything. Christian was starting to wonder if they’d need to actually start snogging when, blessedly, someone finally spoke out.

“Okay, what in the f*ckity f*ck is going on with you two?” asked Tao, pointing his finger back and forth between them accusingly. Having spoken with his usual signature foghorn voice, everyone in the room stopped and turned to look.

“Tao!” Elle scolded.

“What?” he yelped. “Oh come on, they’re clearly doing something, they wanted us to ask.”

“For once, Tao is correct,” Christian said. Tao huffed but didn’t speak further. “Sai and I are… dating.”

Everyone continued staring at them, unresponsive, except for Nick, who reached out to grasp one of Charlie’s hands in his, the two men grinning.

“Dating who?” Imogen asked.

Christian looked at Sai and nodded.

“Each other,” Sai said, mooning at Christian a little before they both turned back.

There was a beat as everyone apparently processed this, frozen looks all around, before Nick affirmatively spoke up.

“Well, I think that’s amazing.”

His comment seemed to unleash the rest, and the room was instantly filled with congratulations and cheers for Sai and Christian.

“That’s… great!”

“I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Oh my god, we found two more!”

“I did not have this on my bingo card for tonight.”

“Tuh-wist!”

“—and now I suppose they’ll be coming to film night.”

“Oh, shush,” Elle said, lightly batting Tao on the arm. She turned to Sai and Christian. “So can I ask… does this mean you’re…”

“I’m pansexual,” Sai said. “Have been for a few years, actually, sorry I didn’t mention it before.”

Imogen squeaked and held out one hand for Sai, who in turn reached out to grab it. They shared a fond look between them.

“And it turns out I think I’m bi?” Christian said.

“Move over, Nick Nelson,” Otis muttered in a stage whisper, prompting everyone to laugh.

“And how long has this been going on?” Imogen asked. “I mean, if you want to share.”

“Well, we’ve been going out for a few months now,” Christian replied. “But I started liking Sai a while before that.”

“What, you didn’t like me before?” Sai retorted playfully.

Christian rolled his eyes dramatically. “Okay, I started like-liking Sai a while back.” Sai beamed at Christian, who promptly added: “But I reserve the right to change my mind!”

“Oh my god, this is serious,” Tara said. “They’re in the flirty, lovey-dovey stage.”

Sai blushed as Christian rolled his eyes. But also… Tara was right. He was absolutely in a lovey-dovey stage. And he’d learned, from his marriage to Charlotte, and from watching Nick and Charlie over many years, that it was possible to be in that stage indefinitely if both parties truly wanted it. And Christian wanted it. He was confident Sai did, too. Christian pledged to himself, right then and there, silently but with all his friends as unknowing witness, that he would actively work to remain this happy, and to make sure Sai was as well. Christian was so incredibly grateful that his life had gone this direction, even if the road had been rocky and cloaked in fog. He would do anything to keep it.

“Okay, okay, let’s hear it,” said Isaac, perhaps the person Christian was most surprised to see speak up. “This is obviously a friends-to-lovers situation, so I want all the details. Any good tropes? What was the big reveal? Any mutual pining? Did one of you accidentally confess during a heated argument? There was only one bed? Spill the tea!”

One hour and about 200 questions (and no fewer than nine Imogen “awwwwws”) later, it was finally an appropriate time in the evening to hit up Meat Cute. The group gathered their things and prepared to pile into like 4 cabs. The logistics of moving such a large group were a bit of a headache, but Christian was privately thankful that he had so many wonderful friends that he could count among his ride-or-die.

Plus Tao, Tao was there too.

Most of the group had put on their coats and walked out the door, but Nick came back just as Christian was locking up, having apparently left his phone on their coffee table. The two of them were the last remaining on that level, everyone else having made their way downstairs.

“You know Nick, um, Sai and I actually went to Meat Cute on our own recently, a few weeks ago,” Christian said as he pressed the elevator button. “Pop princess night?”

Nick’s mouth dropped a little. “You were there? I never saw you!”

“We uh… weren’t quite ready to tell everyone, so we bugged out,” Christian replied.

“Oh, you left? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean —”

“No, it’s okay. And, well, actually, we didn’t leave right away. It’s kind of weird but… we went and hid in the loo a bit.”

Nick just nodded, his face scrunched slightly as if to agree that that was weird, as the elevator arrived and the two of them stepped on it for the short trip to meet down to meet with the rest of the group on the ground floor. Apparently Nick wasn’t putting two and two together.

“You will never guess what we heard in there. Or rather, who we heard.”

Christian smirked as he saw Nick stiffen after a second. So he did remember.

“I — I — I —”

“Use your words, Nick,” Christian whispered seductively.

He delighted in watching Nick’s face turn beet red instantly. The elevator dinged and the doors swept open. Christian could see their friends milling about just outside the building’s lobby.

“That was for the hidden tray, you big bastard,” Christian said lightly “Also, I’m absolutely blackmailing you over that, because I know Charlie doesn’t know about it and would be pissed at you.” Nick’s mouth dropped open, but he didn’t speak, because he really had no defense.

Christian clapped one hand on Nick’s shoulder and pushed him forward.

“Now come on, let’s go dance.”

Christian sat in the passenger seat of the car they’d borrowed from Carl for the drive to his parents’ house, his eyes glazing over homes and streets as they passed. He and Sai were headed over for Sunday dinner, just a couple days after the big bash with all their friends, and Christian decided it was worth skipping the bus in favor of using Carl’s car in case —

Well, in case his mother and father disappointed him. They’d long known about Nick and Charlie and their other queer friends, and had never been anything but polite and accepting. But Christian was still apprehensive. It was different when it was some school friend of their son’s. He wondered if they might take things differently once he came out. Worried about it, actually.

Hence, the car. Not that he thought their reaction would be so bad that they’d have to make a literal getaway. But he worried he might be feeling emotions a little too strong for a public bus.

As if sensing his thoughts, Sai reached over from the driver’s seat and squeezed his knee. Christian slid his right hand into Sai’s left and kept it there as he looked over and beamed a wary smile at his boyfriend.

“We don’t have to say anything, you know. You don’t owe it to them, or anything,” Sai said quietly, reassuringly.

Christian grinned wanly, no energy behind his eyes. His heart felt like it was in a vice, each pump pressured by the stress build up in his chest.

“No, I want to. It’s just… scary.”

“I get it,” Sai said. Christian recalled they had plans for dinner with Sai’s family in a couple weeks’ time.

The clicking of the car’s turn signal made Christian focus his eyes, and he saw they were turning into his parents’ development.

“Whatever you do — I’m with you, a hundred percent,” Sai said.

Christian smiled again, with a bit more warmth this time. “Thank you, Sai.”

Once parked in front of the house, Christian squeezed Sai’s hand one last time before they got out. He pulled out the lemon loaf he’d made that morning before football practice. Christian had gotten the recipe from Nick after a little blackmail over the Meat Cute blowj*b incident, something he hoped to milk — er, take advantage of — for a while yet.

“Hello,” he called out as they stepped through the door and toed off their shoes.

“Chrissy! Just a tic,” his mum called out from the kitchen. They shrugged off their jackets and hung them from pegs on the wall, stepping into the living room just as his mother, Wendy, popped in, wiping her hands on an apron and looking slightly frazzled.

“Hello, dear, the chicken is taking a little longer than I thought and — oh, hello, Sai,” she said upon noticing the other man. “I didn’t know you were coming!”

“Mum, I told you I was bringing someone,” Christian replied.

“Oh, I know, but when you said that I thought… I thought maybe you were bringing a girl home. But it’s lovely to see you, Sai, how are you, dear?” she asked as she gave him a great big hug.

“Yeah, good, thank you, Mrs. McBride,” Sai said awkwardly. Wendy had no idea how close she was to being correct.

Just tell her, Christian’s mind screamed at him. Tell her now, get it over with. But he wanted to wait until his father and sister were in the room, do it all in one fell swoop. If it was a convenient excuse to stall, so be it.

“Oh, is that the pudding?” his mum asked, breaking through his internal struggle.

“Er, yeah, lemon loaf. Nick Nelson’s recipe.”

“Ooh, then it must be good,” Wendy said, taking the loaf and heading back to the kitchen. “Can I get you boys anything to drink?”

“Just water for me, I’m driving,” Sai replied.

“Great,” Wendy called out. “Sai, make yourself comfortable. Chrissy, why don’t you come get his water?”

Christian shared a look with Sai, who beamed back love and support before Christian turned and went through to the kitchen. He poured some water from the filtered pitcher in the refrigerator for Sai and, figuring a small amount of liquid courage couldn’t hurt, grabbed a lager for himself.

“So, love… are you seeing anyone right now?” Wendy said as she stirred a steaming pot.

Christian felt his mouth dry out. “Er… well… I might be,” he said adventurously, his voice shaky.

Wendy’s eyebrows shot up.

“Don’t tease me, Christian Michael.”

“I’m — I’d better get Sai his water,” he said, grabbing the glass and hightailing it out of there before he was facing as much heat as the chicken roasting in the oven.

“...and it was this big, I swear,” Christian heard his father George saying. When he turned the corner, he saw him standing in front of Sai, his arms stretched about as far as they could go.

“That is indeed a big fish,” Sai said, seemingly at a loss for any other response. Just then he noticed Christian over George’s shoulder, and Sai’s eyes flared in gratitude.

“Dad, no one likes hearing your fish stories,” Christian said as he handed Sai the glass of water and gave his father a side hug greeting.

“Hello, son,” George said. “I just thought Sai would like that story, is all. Didn’t you?”

“Absolutely,” Sai replied immediately, nodding vigorously like a good son-in-law. Son-in-law? That was an intriguing and also rather startling thought, one Christian packaged away immediately to noodle over later. Much later. He cracked open his lager and settled in as Sai patiently listened to his father prattle on for quite a while.

A while later, Wendy was just wringing her hands about where Christian’s sister Zoe and her fiance Allen (the actuarial) were as dinner was just about ready. And of course that’s exactly when they burst through the front door, bearing a bottle of wine and apologies for their tardiness.

Zoe belted out a yelp when she saw Sai, who seemed more than happy to have an excuse to talk to anyone other than Christian’s father.

“Sai! You’re here!” she said with surprise as she pulled him in for a hug. “Oh my gosh, you poor thing, you absolutely deserve a meal for volunteering to live with Christian again! I mean, you know how messy he is.”

“Oi!” Christian protested, though Sai only giggled in response.

“It’s better than in uni,” Sai told Zoe. “At least he’s become familiar with a sponge since then.”

“Allen, help,” Christian pleaded with his future brother-in-law.

“Sorry, Chris, you know I hold no sway here,” Allen replied, his hands raised in defeat.

Ultimately Christian’s mum came to his rescue, albeit unknowingly, when she informed everyone dinner was on the table and wasn’t going to be getting any warmer.

The meal passed easily, with Sai catching the McBrides up on his life (well… parts of his life) and Zoe and Allen providing endless entertainment by describing the chaos that is planning a wedding. Christian thought it was a good sign that not only didn’t he get hung up on that topic, but no one else at the table seemed to think it was a sore point either.

Christian volunteered to help Wendy clear the table and wash up before they broke into the lemon loaf. His mum expressed some clear surprise at his gesture. “Is this the same boy who once burned some pizza rolls, set off the smoke detector and then threw the scorched pan out the window into the back garden?”

“Give it up, mum, I was 13!” Christian moaned.

While the rest retired to the living room for what would likely be more tall tales from George, Christian and his mother worked in companionable silence in the kitchen, loading what they could into the dishwasher before scrubbing the rest, her washing, him drying and putting things away, at least as best he could remember in this unfamiliar kitchen.

Most of the work had been done, and Christian was busy searching for the right cabinet for the roasting pan. When he finally found it and stored the pan, he turned to find his mother watching him fondly.

“What?” he asked, his cheeks turning rose.

“Nothing, sweetie. I just… I know we tease you a lot, but you really have grown into such a wonderful man. I’m so proud of you, love.”

“Mum…”

“And I want you to be happy.”

It was phrased generally, and surely she meant that, but Christian knew there was an underlying thing not being discussed there. And he found himself actually wanting to discuss it. He wanted to tell her about Sai. About how they had forged happiness together. He was surprised to find his desire to be open with his mother overrode his fears — he genuinely wanted to take this step.

“I am happy, actually,” he ventured. “Maybe we could take this dessert out to everyone and I could… tell you all about it?”

Wendy looked ecstatic, and there were those fears again. She was thrilled now that she thinks he might be with a woman again. Would she still love him when she found out who he loves? He really hoped so, but his heart felt like it was strapped into a vice, barely able to pump enough blood to keep him going. He still wanted to tell her, needed to tell her, but after a lovely six seconds of tranquility, the anxiety had come roaring back.

They carried plates with loaf slices on it out to the rest, and Christian settled beside Sai, who looked like he was perhaps rethinking his decision not to drink after being subjected to George’s rambling conversation for that long.

Forks clinking on plates mingled with exclamations of “yum,” but Christian couldn’t taste a damn thing. Sai repositioned himself, in the process scooching slightly closer to Christian, enough to brush up against his side, the only thing he could really do physically that wouldn’t immediately raise questions. But it was time, Christian decided.

“Hey, so, mum kind of guessed this earlier, but I wanted to tell you all that I’m… um, I’m seeing someone.”

Wendy squeaked in excitement as Zoe rushed to finish her bite of cake.

“I knew it! Is it Claire Abernathy?” his sister asked.

“What? No.”

“Penny Islington?”

“No.”

“Naomi Gao?”

“It’s not one of mum’s set-ups.”

“Well then how did you meet?” Wendy asked.

Christian paused, thinking. Finally, he scrunched his face up and turned to Sai.

“I honestly don’t remember, how did we meet?”

Sai had a shocked look plastered on his face. Christian didn’t dare turn back to look at his family quite yet, and he tried not to even visualize them in his peripherals, but the complete silence in the room indicated he’d certainly gotten their attention.

“I… um, we were sat next to each other in maths class. With Ms. Landon.”

“Oh, right, Ms. Landon, with the funny hair,” Christian said. “But I think we really got close on the school’s touch rugby team.”

“Uh, yeah, that’s true.”

Well, the cat was out of the bag, and Christian had been staring at Sai long enough that he really ought to turn back and gauge his family’s reaction. But first, he slid one hand into Sai’s and squeezed, grinning when Sai smiled and squeezed back.

He started with Allen the actuarial and his sister, both of whose eyebrows had shot clear up to their hairlines. Christian’s father was still munching away happily at his cake — Christian honestly wasn’t sure he’d actually followed all that back-and-forth, which admittedly wasn’t the most straightforward way (ha!) of coming out. And his mother’s eyes had glazed over a bit, her face otherwise unreadable.

“Really?” Zoe asked. “You’re not joking?”

“Yes, really,” Christian replied.

“Wow,” she said, nodding. “I mean, congratulations, that’s amazing! But I can’t help but feel like Sai settled a little here.” Zoe smirked. So it was like that then.

Christian rolled his eyes.

Then George looked up. “Great cake, son, is there any more?”

Christian frowned. “Dad, did you hear any of that?”

“Yeah, you’re gay and with Sai now, that’s great, Chris,” his father replied. “I still want to know if there’s more cake.”

“I — well, I’m not gay, I’m bisexual,” Christian started.

“Oh, bi, sorry,” George replied. Suddenly he smiled. “Bi with Sai, that rhymes, I like that.”

Despite himself, Christian grinned at his dad’s lackadaisical reaction. He checked in on his mother in his peripheral vision and saw she was still sitting unresponsive. Three down, one to go, the one who bore him into this world, and her immediate reaction was unclear.

“Let me get you that cake, dad,” Christian said, grabbing his father’s empty plate and fleeing to the kitchen. He felt bad about leaving Sai behind, but Christian grasped the opportunity to put off what he worried was going to be a bad reaction. The clatter of the knife in the pan sounded like a bullet in the quiet kitchen, until he heard a door hinge squeak and turned to see Wendy in the doorway. Christian couldn’t bring himself to speak, just staring and waiting for whatever was about to happen.

“So you’re… in a relationship with Sai?” she finally asked, quietly.

Christian nodded. “We’re boyfriends, yes.”

“And that makes you happy.”

“Yeah. Sai makes me incredibly happy, actually.” Christian’s voice was strong, but his eyes betrayed his wariness. He still wasn’t sure where his mum was going to land on this, and he was frightened.

“Well,” she finally said, stepping fully through the doorway and into the kitchen. “I won’t lie, this is, um, kind of confusing. And surprising. But if you’re happy — and I can see you are — then I guess that’s what I really wanted all along.”

Christian could no longer hold back the tears damming in his eyes. He stepped toward Wendy and embraced her, and she in turn wrapped her arms around his torso. As Christian shook a little, she petted his back calmly, as she had when he was sick or upset as a child.

“My baby boy,” she said when they finally pulled apart. Christian huffed at the sentiment, as he towered a solid eight inches over her diminutive frame and had for years.

“Now,” Wendy said, wiping her eyes with her shirtsleeve. “I’d better get that cake out to your father.” She picked up the slice Christian had cut and popped back out to the sitting room.

Christian tried to compose himself, dabbing at his wet face with a tea towel and regulating his breathing. He was about to head back out himself when he heard talking coming from the other door that led down a hallway off the side of the kitchen.

He cracked the swinging door open and was surprised to hear Sai’s voice.

“I promise.”

Then Zoe’s voice. “Look, obviously you’ve known each other a long time but like — this is why I’m pressing, actually, because he’s taken enough hits in life from people he cares about.”

“I’m aware, Zoe, I was there.” Sai’s voice was slightly firmer that time.

“All right, fair,” she replied. “Ugh, okay, let’s shorthand this. He’s my sh*tty little brother but he’s a good person. If you hurt him, I’ll kill you, blah blah blah got it?”

“Uh, yeah, got it,” Sai replied warily. “Listen, this isn’t — we’re not going into this lightly. I care about him.”

Zoe sighed loudly. “If you were anyone else…”

“I know, I know, hurt, kill, et cetera.”

“Bingo.”

Christian heard movement, so he stepped back into the kitchen, feeling amused warmth flowing down his body. He wasn’t entirely sure which half of that conversation made him happier. Beaming, Christian was thinking about grabbing another drink, but before he could act, Sai suddenly stepped through the side door from which he had been eavesdropping.

“Oh, hey, Chris,” Sai said.

Christian stepped over and pulled Sai into a tight hug. Sai grunted slightly at the force of it before melting into the embrace.

“What was that for?” he asked when Christian finally loosened his grip.

“Just… nothing. And everything,” Christian replied, ignoring Sai’s confused reaction. “Come on, we should probably get back out there. I bet they’re going to have a lot of questions.”

Christian grabbed Sai’s hand, raised it to kiss his knuckles, and then pulled him gently back to his family in the sitting room.

Chapter 19

Chapter Text

“You weren’t kidding, that really is a fantastic way to start one’s birthday,” Sai gasped, trying to catch his breath. His forehead and chest shimmered with sweat that had gathered during his promised birthday wake-up blowj*b. He looked down at Christian, amused to see his hair was an absolute mess, a combination of bedhead and the effect of Sai’s roving hands. (Normally, Christian would try to get his hair more presentable when he did his morning routine — but if you’re gonna suck a dick, you might as well do it before brushing your teeth, so he hadn’t made it to the bathroom mirror yet.)

The blond man titled his head up, flashing Sai a smile, before he gave Sai’s deflating co*ck a couple more tender kisses and hauled his body up to lie to the side of Sai, curled against his steaming hot body.

“Can I reciprocate?” Sai asked.

Christian blushed and looked away. “I already… uh. You know. While you were…”

Sai lifted the sheets and saw a dark spot at the end of the bed, where Christian had been crouching before. Sai’s eyes blew wide when he realized what had happened.

“Sorry,” Christian mumbled.

“Do not apologize,” Said replied firmly. “That is so hot !”

Sai turned on his side, pushing Christian onto his back and leaning over his body. They made out lazily for a while, stopping sometimes to just stare at one another and giggle a little. If you’d ever told teenage Sai this would one day be his life… hell, if you’d ever told Sai six months ago this would be his life… he wouldn’t have believed it possible. Their chance friendship all those years ago had seemed like random happenstance, like pretty much everything else in Sai’s life. But he was beginning to think that their meeting, their friendship, their long history and their journeys — together, separate and now together again — had all been fate after all.

The chime of his phone drew Sai back into his body. Leaning over and grabbing it from his nightstand, he saw he already had a couple of “happy birthday” texts from his early-riser friends, including primary school teacher Nicholas Nelson. But the most recent text was from his mum.

“Mum wants to know what I want for dinner tonight,” Sai said out loud.

“Well, what’s your pick, birthday boy?” Christian asked, one hand leisurely playing with some hairs around Sai’s nipple.

“Mmm… I’m kind of split. I’m really craving tikka masala, which I know is so basic of me. But I also kind of want some pizza, haven’t had any in ages.”

“Remember that work trip to Ireland a while back?” Christian asked. Sai hummed affirmatively. “There was a pizza place by the convention center that had chicken tikka masala pizza. It was incredible, I went back two more times that week.”

Sai moaned. That sounded delicious. A perfect mash-up. He texted his mum back with that request and quickly got a thumbs up emoji in response. Sai wasn’t usually very picky when it was a special occasion and he was choosing a menu, so Surya probably appreciated a specific request for once.

“Thanks for the suggestion, sunshine,” Sai murmured.

“Anytime, babe,” Christian replied.

Sai stretched, one of those morning stretches where it feels like every muscle is shaking off sleep and your whole body quivers joyfully. Sai also felt the familiar sensation of blood once again slowly pooling in his co*ck.

“Chris… don’t suppose you’re up for Round 2?” he asked cheekily.

“Absolutely. Although I might need a few more minutes, my, uh, refractory period isn’t quite what it used to be.”

“Oh, that’s fine,” Sai purred. “Gives you time to prep me.”

Christian’s eyebrows shot up his forehead.

“Oh, it’s that kind of Round 2, then.”

“Hey… I’m the birthday boy.”

“Yes, you certainly are,” Christian growled, reaching into his nightstand for the lube.

“Okay, that was amazing,” Sai’s father, Manish, declared as he dropped his uneaten pizza crust onto his plate.

Sai, Christian and Surya hummed their agreement.

“Two of my favorite things, together at last,” Surya said.

Sai’s lips curled ever so slightly. Of course she was talking about the pizza, but she could well have been talking about him and Christian. He’d always been her favorite from among his friends (except for brief periods whenever Nick had brought over his latest baked creation, but once that was digested Christian was soon slotted back into Surya’s number one spot).

Sai was never really sure why Christian was her favorite. Nick the golden boy would have been the more obvious choice. Or maybe Otis, whose quiet demeanor was the closest match to Sai’s own personality. Christian was the prankster, the clown, the one who did inane stuff just for a laugh. As the most serious one among them, Sai loved Christian’s zany energy, but it wasn’t the quality parents typically appreciated. But Surya had always shown in subtle ways that — despite his boyish puerility — she liked Christian a lot.

So why did it feel so hard to just tell her what he wanted to tell her? His parents were liberal, they were solid allies and he knew — he knew! — they loved him unconditionally.

Just say it.

Say it!

But Sai’s mouth wouldn’t open.

Sai was so stuck in his own head, he almost didn’t realize his mother was collecting the plate from in front of him. He moved to stand and help clear the table, but she gently shooed him back into his seat.

“Relax, love, it’s your birthday! This will just take a minute, then we can have your favorite dessert — double chocolate cake!” She continued collecting plates until she got around to Manish. “Dear, do you want to go get Sai’s present?”

“Oh, right!” he hopped up and left the room while Surya stepped into the kitchen.

Sai kind of wanted to talk to Christian about his fear, but pretty much any noise from the dining room could be heard clearly in the kitchen, even with plates clinking as she put things in the dishwasher. He also didn’t know how long he had until his father returned.

As if he could read Sai’s thoughts, Christian, unfortunately sitting on the other side of the table and thus out of hand-holding range, got Sai’s attention before clasping both hands over his heart, pulsing them a couple of times and shooting Sai a look that screamed warmth and support. Sai could hardly believe this empathetic, thoughtful human being for whom he had fallen like a boulder off a cliff was the same person who used to make fart noises in order to distract him and win at Mario Kart when they were kids.

Sai’s lips curled up at the memory, and at the silliness of that still somehow being a little endearing. In response Christian’s eyes crinkled as he gave him a full-force beam.

Manish returned then with a small wrapped box. Sai suspected it was an Apple watch, as his father had not-casually-enough asked him a month or so ago whether he already had an Apple watch. A moment later, Surya emerged from the kitchen carrying a chocolate-frosted cake with those novelty number-shaped candles for 2 and 8 on them, already burning. At least she wasn’t still making him wear those age buttons for kids, which she did until he was out of university.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,” she began singing, with Manish and Christian joining in as they realized what was happening. Sai was pretty sure they hadn’t actually sung him that song since he was in sixth form, so he blushed and fidgeted, waiting for the torture to end. “Happy biiiiirrrrrrthday dear Saaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” — Christian got super loud singing his name, prompting a strong eye roll from the birthday boy — “Happy birthday to yoooooouuuuuuuuuu.”

Sai pursued his lips to blow out the candles before realizing he hadn’t made a wish. He thought for a moment, sucked in a breath and exhaled, extinguishing the flames and prompting cheers and clapping from his parents and Christian.

His mum started cutting up the cake, doling out servings to Sai and Manish. As she handed a slice to Christian, Sai finally found the courage he had wished for.

“Mum, dad, I have to tell you something.”

His slightly shaky voice got their attention. Manish, a big hunk of cake sitting on his fork mid-air on its way to his mouth, put it down. Surya also set down the cake knife, looking at him expectantly. And Christian remained perfectly still on the other side of the table, watching Sai with the tiniest smile.

“I don’t really know how else to say this other than to just say it, so… Okay, so. Christian and I are dating. Each other. Have been for a few months now. Oh, uh, and I’m pansexual?” He wasn’t sure why he framed that last part as a question, perhaps just out of uncertainty whether his parents had ever heard that word before. “And, um. I’m very happy. We’re very happy. And. I wanted you to know.”

Christian was grinning from ear to ear as he stared at his beautiful boyfriend. After a moment, Sai glanced back and forth between his parents, who were looking at one another with neutral expressions.

After a moment, Surya turned to Christian and reached out one hand.

“Give me that plate back,” she said.

Her request was so unexpected, Christian just stared at her for a few seconds before he fully processed it.

“I — uh, okay.” He handed his untouched cake back to Surya. Sai was confused. Was she about to throw them out or something? He couldn’t believe she would react this way. He suddenly wondered if coming out while his mother was holding a big knife was the best idea.

But before he could really start to panic, Surya sunk the knife into the cake yet again. She pulled out another slice, twice as big as the one already on Christian’s plate, then dumped it on top and shoved it back in front of the bewildered blond man.

“Anyone who makes my son happy gets extra cake,” she declared.

“Uhh… thank you,” Christian said, staring at the enormous amount of chocolate cake in front of him.

Surya turned to Sai, who was watching the whole exchange with shock and puzzlement. “Come here, love,” she said, bounding around the table and pulling Sai into a hug as soon as he’d risen from his seat.

She reared her head back and barked at Sai’s father. “Manish! Put the cake down and come show your son your love!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Sai could see his father working to swallow a big bite. “I’m coming, yes, it’s just really good cake, love!” A moment later, Sai was enveloped by his parents. He fought back the relief he felt at their reaction and leaned into etching their support into his memory. After a solid minute, they pulled back. Sai looked over and thought he saw Christian wiping away a tear, though he wasn’t entirely sure.

“We’re coming for you next, Christian,” Surya said. She and Manish circled the table so quickly that the still-seated Christian didn’t have time to react. They pinned him in between them, his arms stuck to his sides, the McBride middle of a Verma family sandwich. Sai laughed at Christian’s slightly uncomfortable face, which bulged a bit as his shoulders were scrunched up between Sai’s mother and father.

Surya and Manish separated and went back to their seats, leaving Christian to his massive pile of cake.

“You know, Sai, you didn’t have to wait, you could have told me when Christian moved in,” Surya said as she finally served herself a slice of cake.

“What?” Sai asked. “We, uh, we weren’t together at that point. It’s a little more recent than that.”

“Really? Hmm. Okay,” she murmured.

Sai narrowed his eyes.

“You’re taking this, like, really well.”

“And that’s a problem?” Surya asked.

“Well, no, not per se. But… I don’t know, I just marched in here and announced I’m queer and dating my oldest friend and you barely batted an eye.”

Surya sighed and gently placed her fork on her plate.

“My love, you’ve always been special. A little different. Not weird or anything, just — you always marched to the beat of your own drum.”

Manish hummed in agreement through a mouthful of cake. Sai really didn’t know what to make of his mother's statement. He’d always thought of himself as a perfectly normal person.

“And I love that about you, because I love everything about you,” Surya continued. “I’ve always known Christian made you happy, a little bit more than your other friends. So I guess when you said that tonight, it’s not like I knew , exactly. But it made sense. And you’re happy and taken care of. And that’s all I care about.”

“Well, almost all you care about,” Manish said, licking frosting from his fork, totally unbothered to learn his only child was in a queer relationship. Sai was reminded of Christian’s father being deeply into cake when they came out to him. What was it with dads and cake?

“Yes, well, I do want grandchildren, but we don’t have to talk about that tonight,” Surya replied.

Christian’s eyes went wide and his mouth pinched together in some mix of surprise and amusem*nt. Sai had been swallowing a bite of cake at that moment, and of course in his shock it went down the wrong tube, causing him to hack and cough.

“Mum!” he gasped out. “I’m only 28, literally today!”

“I said we don’t have to talk about it tonight,” she shot back while Sai sipped some water. Christian, the traitor, looked on bemusedly. “Though since you brought it up, I had you when I was 26…”

They left an hour later, Christian toting a bag for life containing leftover pizza wrapped up and most of the remaining cake in a Tupperware container, as well as Sai’s new watch. (“Thank you, Mrs. Verma, that was a delicious meal,” Christian had said politely at the door. “Christian, dear, now that you’re finally dating my son, maybe you should just call me Surya,” she suggested. “Yes, Mrs. Verma,” Christian replied.)

Once they reached the sidewalk and were out of earshot of Sai’s parents’ front door, Christian wrapped Sai in a great hug. Sai melted into it, and not just because it was starting to get a bit nippy.

“I’m so proud of you,” Christian murmured into Sai’s ear.

After a beat, he pulled back and looked Sai in the face. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

Sai suddenly realized: It did feel f*cking good. He hadn’t thought concealing this part of his life from his parents had been a big deal, but in retrospect, he realized he’d shrugged off a great weight. It was more than just getting rid of the anxiety he’d (understandably) felt in the ramp-up to coming out. He felt like he was living a little more truthfully. He was breathing easier.

Sai smiled widely. “Yeah.”

Christian slid one hand down until it caught in Sai’s, then pulled him forward. They had a ten minute walk to the bus stop that would take them back to their flat, and much of it went by in companionable silence, their hands clasped between them and grins on their faces.

“You know, um… about the kids thing —” Christian started.

“Can we please not talk about that tonight? I am mortified, truly,” Sai moaned.

Christian snickered.

“Fine, fine. But… we probably should talk about it eventually. And maybe other stuff.”

Sai knew this wasn’t what Christian meant by “other stuff,” but it reminded him that he really had put off telling Christian about his demiromanticism. At first, it felt like too much to throw at him when they first got together. Then Sai argued to himself that it didn’t really matter, since he felt romantic attraction for Christian anyway. But Christian’s recent revelation that he had similarly sought out Nick and Charlie as gay gurus or whatever had gotten him thinking about how Charlie had helped Sai realize something important about himself. And if it was something important about himself, Sai figured Christian really ought to know about it. Would want to know about it.

They arrived at the bus stop and sat on the bench. There was no one else around given the hour.

“So, you know how I just came out to my parents?” Sai asked, trying to ease into it.

“I recall, since it was about 20 minutes ago and it was hysterical,” Christian said with a grin.

“Yeah, well. Um, it turns out I need to come out to you, too.”

Christian’s face grew puzzled.

“I already know you’re pan… Wait, are you not?”

Sai shook his head. “No, I definitely am pansexual. It’s, um. But I’m also something called demiromantic.”

He watched Christian’s eyes focus on something in the distance, clearly trying to process that term.

“I don’t… what does that mean?”

“So, you’re familiar with sexual attraction, gay, straight, bi, etc.”

Christian nodded.

“Well, there’s also something called romantic attraction. And it uses many of the same terms. But anyway, instead of being about who you might want to have sex with, it’s about… who you might want to be in a romantic relationship with. Do couple things together.”

Christian seemed to be processing this, his eyes fixed ahead, so Sai pressed on.

“And most people’s sexual orientation matches their romantic orientation. But not everyone. And I’m pansexual and demiromantic.”

“So what does demi mean?”

“It means… it means I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone until I’ve already gotten to know them well and formed an emotional attachment.”

Christian nodded along, biting his lip as he thought.

“Do you… not want to be—”

“No, Chris, no, I want you, I want this, everything we’ve done. I am attracted to you, sexually and romantically. I’m telling you this because… it’s a part of me, and I want to share every part of me with you.”

Christian looked relieved. “Really, you do?”

“Yeah.”

“Me, too.” Christian smiled, but Sai noticed a tear gathering in his eye before he quickly moved to wipe it away. “I’m sorry if you felt like you couldn’t tell me that. Or if I’ve pressured you into anything you don’t want to do.”

“Chris — you haven’t.”

“Thank you for telling me. I’m gonna research more about being demiromantic.”

“That’s great, but you can also talk to me, too,” Sai offered.

“One of my favorite things to do,” Christian replied softly. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Sai replied.

Just then, they heard the sound of the bus approaching the stop. They boarded and sat beside each other, hands clasped and shoulders bumping.

“I’m wiped. When we get home, could we just cuddle?” Sai asked.

“Absolutely.”

“Can I be little spoon?”

Christian nodded. “Anything you want… big spoon, little spoon, we could even fork if you change your mind.” He grinned evilly, more at the terrible pun than the raunchy suggestion.

Sai rolled his eyes dramatically.

“With jokes like that, it’s a good thing you’re cute,” he murmured, nodding his head to rest on Christian’s shoulder.

The bus ride passed in relative peace, and once home, they quickly slipped into some leisurewear and settled into their bed, Sai tucked up around Christian’s frame. After the stress of coming out to his parents, even though it had gone well, Sai could hardly imagine a better, more comforting feeling than having his boyfriend wrapped around him, their breathing in sync.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Christian said after a while. “Your present! I’ll be right back.”

He peeled himself away — Sai suppressed the whine he wanted to emit when cold air hit his warm back — and returned to their bedroom a minute later with a wrapped rectangular gift.

“Chris, no, we agreed no gifts!” Sai protested as Christian sat on the bed next to him. “Well, no non-sex gifts.”

“Yeah, well, this isn’t really anything,” Christian said lightly.

Rolling onto his back, Sai tore the paper off and found the back of a picture frame. Uncovering the gift, he turned it over to see a picture of himself and Christian. They must have been in Year 7 or so. They were wearing their junior rugby kits, each with an arm thrown around the other, mugging into the camera, their eyes squinting from the sun. Each of them was visibly missing a tooth, not that that stopped them from plastering smiles from ear to ear.

“Oh wow!” Sai gushed. “Oh, look at us. God, we were so gangly at that age… and yet we each had fat little cheeks.”

Christian chuckled. “I like your little glasses.”

“Where on earth did you get this?” Sai asked, his thumbs rubbing up and down the wooden frame.

“My mum texted it to me a few days ago,” Christian replied. “Said she had to dig through old photo albums for a physical copy.”

“That was nice of her to do that for you,” Sai said, looking up at Christian.

“I didn’t even ask… just came out of the blue,” Christian said. “I’m taking that as a good sign.”

“Yeah, it is,” Sai agreed, smiling. “This is amazing, thank you so much!” He leaned up and planted a nice kiss on Christian’s lips before pulling back and drinking in the photo again.

Sai fell asleep that night with Christian’s arms wrapped around him, gazing at the photo on his dresser (without his glasses on, it was mostly a blur, but he could remember every detail in his mind). In some ways, their relationship was only a few months old. But deep down, it felt like they’d been together for most of their lives.

It was still early evening, but the Saturday sun was low in the sky by the time their championship game was starting, about a week and a half after their dinner with Sai’s parents. Sai had really only joined the football team for a little exercise, a little fresh air, some socializing. He certainly hadn’t expected for this little recreational activity to go to the very top. Well, the very top of the regional rec league, anyway. They were matched against a team from closer down to Herne Bay. The grand prize: A plastic trophy they had to return the next day and, more importantly, a massive tab at the Pig & Whistle.

Many of their friends and family were showing up. Sai was a little nervous to have his and Christian’s moms side by side again. Of course they knew each other from when they were in school, but they hadn’t seen each other since their sons were out of uni. Sai was both frightened and intrigued to wonder what they’d discuss. Probably just gossip about them, of course. (Please, he prayed, please don’t let them talk about grandchildren, not yet, I need more time.)

Fortunately, just then all their friends showed up in a giant gaggle — Nick, Charlie, Otis, Aoife, Imogen, Rhys, and Tara, Darcy and Elle. Isaac had just sent the ROFL emoji when they invited him, and Charlie had relayed word that Tao didn’t attend sporting events. That was fine with Sai anyway.

They’d warmed up already and spent just a few minutes chatting with everyone before Carl called them over to run down their final game plan and give them some variation of his pre-game stump speech. As he stood in the huddle, Sai looked up and saw their friends greeting their mothers, who had been deep in conversation before then. (Oh boy.)

“When we all started this team six months ago, I really didn’t think we were going to have any real success,” Carl started.

“Yeah, but then I came along!” Christian interrupted, drawing chuckles among the crowd. The team was used to his boisterous braggadocio, but were okay with it since Christian had made it clear it was just an act and he was a perfectly friendly team player.

“Yes, and that’s when I started buying painkillers in bulk, Christian,” Carl shot back. “My point, if you please, is that we came here to have some fun, and we did that. But I think you’ll all agree, in the months since then… we’ve become friends. Family, even. This one’s for our little football family.” Everyone bowed their heads silently for a moment, before Carl yelled, “It’s also for that 500 pound bar tab, so let’s get out there and play to win, folks!”

They gathered in a circle, several layers deep, and pushed together toward the center, once, twice, again and again, until they were practically crashing into one another. They all roared together, then broke apart, clapping and moving into position.

“Hey, Sai,” said Katie, pulling alongside him as they jogged down the field. “You ready for this?”

“Absolutely,” he replied with a grin. “What about you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said. “I feel like this year went so much better than last year, didn’t it?”

Sai recalled their prior year’s record, in which they were knocked out in the first tourney round, and snorted in agreement.

“You know what I think the secret sauce was this year?” she asked, planting her hands on her hips and swiveling to stay limber.

“What?”

“Christian. He boasts a lot but he actually kind of earns it. Scored a couple critical goals for us this year.”

“Oh jeez,” Sai said, laughing. He looked at Christian, who was standing out of earshot but still watching Sai talk to Katie with a fond look on his face. “Don’t ever tell him that, his head is already absolutely massive.”

Katie barked a laugh. “I’m not even sure he’d hear me speaking, to be honest.”

Sai scrunched up his face in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Katie blushed. “Oh, nothing, I—”

Just then, the referee blew his whistle, and they had to get into place for the match. Sai pushed Katie out of his mind, and Christian, too, trying to focus on the ball.

Ninety minutes went by in a blur, and before Sai knew it, they ended the second half tied 2-2, sending them into overtime. They gulped down sports drinks and tried to rest in the interim break before Carl called them over for another little pep talk. This one was slightly less subtle.

“Okay, folks. Five hundred quid is on the line. Screw the having fun crap, forget the mushy family stuff. It’s time to WIN. What are we gonna do?”

“Win!” many of the players shouted, though not Sai, who hadn’t been prepared. His eyes found Christian, who had wild eyes and a huge smile.

“That sucked!” Carl shouted. “What are we gonna do?”

“Win!” everyone replied that time.

“What are we gonna do?”

“Win!”

“What are we gonna do?”

“WIIIIN!!!”

They broke apart and headed back to the field. The overtime period was one stalemate after another, each team countering the other’s parry, the ball never making it close to a net. Finally, they were down to the last few seconds, and their team was getting perilously close to the other side’s goal. Carl was kicking the ball down the field, holding off his opponent, but Sai couldn’t see how they were going to get through their defenses. As they maneuvered, though, suddenly, a line opened up. Carl kicked to Katie, Katie passed it over to Christian, and Christian sent it flying toward Sai. Shocking even himself, Sai did a sort spinny-jump-kick maneuver that probably wasn’t proper gameplay but he was pretty sure wasn’t illegal. His foot connected with the ball, sending it soaring toward the net. Sai just saw it fly past the goalie before he slammed back into the ground, once again gravity’s bitch.

The blood rushing to his ears and the pain from landing on his side was soon overcome by the cheering of his team around him. He wanted to roll onto his back and breath for a second, but figured it was better to suck it up and stand again. It was a good decision. Katie reached him as he got to his knees and had helped pull him to his feet just as the other players, Seamus and Cadan and Finn and Penny, reached him and started a mass huddle celebration. At first, they all just crushed together, jumping up and down, but soon Carl and Christian and the rest of the team joined from around the field or from the sidelines, and their little celebration turned into an outright mosh pit, with Sai right at the center. He danced up and down a bit with each team member, patting back and punching shoulders as he went, until he finally managed to sift his way through the scrum and find Christian.

Christian, who immediately wrapped his arms around Sai’s shoulders, pulled him flush against his chest, twisted them both around so that he was sort of dipping Sai, and kissed him.

Everything went quiet and still. Well, Sai could feel the celebration was continuing around them, but it sounded like it was happening in another room, displaced, elsewhere. Here, here there was just Sai Verma, being kissed by Christian McBride, in a field in the outdoors as stars twinkled overhead.

It didn’t last too long, it wasn’t inappropriate for the setting, Sai’s glasses didn’t get smudged or misplaced (it happened sometimes, when two faces are in close proximity). When they stopped, he righted his head and beamed at Christian as Christian beamed right back at him.

Their moment was broken by Katie.

“Oi, get a room!” she shouted, most of their teammates laughing along with it.

“Uh, so, I guess we have an announcement —”

“Boys, it’s not news to any of us,” Cadan said, slapping Christian on the shoulder as he walked past.

Sai and Christian broke apart, each holding their arms out in puzzlement.

“What? How?” Sai squeaked.

“You two haven’t been as subtle as you think you have,” Katie said with a cheeky wink. “I mean, we didn’t know, know, but we knew. You know?”

“No…” Christian replied slowly.

“All right, that’s enough intra-team romance!” Carl shouted. “We’re headed to the Pig & Whistle in five, everybody!”

As the team broke up to find their belongings and do some cool-down exercises before drinking themselves silly, Sai noticed all their friends and their mothers hovering down on the edge of the field. They shared another round of hugs and congratulations with their friends and made sure everyone knew what pub to go to.

Then they walked over to their mothers. Surya rushed Sai, practically knocking him over and praising his big game-winning move. Wendy didn’t hug Sai, although since he was pretty well covered in sweat and grass clippings, he didn’t blame her at all. They revealed they’d been planning a joint family gathering in the near future, drawing eye rolls and blushes from both men. Fortunately, the women had the sense to beg off fairly quickly, leaving “the young people” to the celebration. Their extra discussions meant Sai and Christian were the last two from the team to depart for the pub, so they quickly toweled off and grabbed their kit bags before latching hands and heading off the field.

Their friends spent a while celebrating at the Pig & Whistle but, not being covered by the tab, they left while the team was still going strong, with everyone promising to meet for brunch at that new place down on Grover Court the next morning (well… noon). But for the footie team, the party lasted until late into the night. It was nearing midnight when the physical exhaustion finally caught up with the inebriation, causing both Sai and Christian to start saying farewell to folks before, the process taking too long, they opted instead for the Irish goodbye, just walking out the front door. They’d text the group chat later.

The air was rather chilly at that point. Sai and Christian both broke out their hoodies before walking on, once again hand latched in hand. Fortunately, it wasn’t too far a walk.

“I need to pop in here real quick for something,” Sai said when they passed the Tesco, pulling his hand out of Christian’s.

“But we have plenty of food at home… and besides, you’re the only thing I want to eat tonight,” Christian rumbled quietly.

Sai reddened a bit. “Okay, one, yes, and two, no, you numpty, it’s something else. A surprise. Wait here.”

“Is it squirty cream?” Christian asked, waggling his eyebrows. Toasted Christian was horny and suggestive, and the silly name the English used for whipped cream wasn’t helping matters.

“No… although I like the way you think,” Sai winked.

He made his purchases quickly, swinging by the dairy section for Christian’s squirty cream and taking a few minutes longer than he’d anticipated after he had to wait in line behind a couple of stoners buying about 20 bags of crisps.

“Finally!” Christian said when Sai emerged, carrying his purchases in the extra bag for life he keeps stashed in his kit bag, which was slung around his shoulders. “I missed you.” He held out one hand until Sai took it, shifting the bag into his other. “So what did you buy, really?”

“I’ll show you when we’re home,” Sai replied vaguely.

Christian leapt forward, yanking Sai along behind him. “Come on then, what are we waiting for?”

Sai giggled for a block or two before Christian finally slowed to a regular walk, huffing in the night air. “I was never this knackered in uni!” he complained.

“Look, we’re almost there,” Sai said, pointing to their building. That seemed to lift Christian’s spirits again, and he again picked up the pace until, before Sai knew it, they were pushing through their front door.

Christian pushed him up against the door, hungrily licking at his mouth, the combination of the late hour, alcohol and his own horniness preventing any kind of subtlety or precision. Sai hardened quickly, but he tamped it down just for a minute.

“Wait, Chris, wait,” Sai breathed raggedly.

Christian pulled back, sighing. “What?”

“I want to give you this thing first, but I have to, uh, assemble it.”

“The mystery thing from Tesco?” Christian asked. “Ooh, assemble — does it vibrate, perchance?”

“No it doesn’t — I bought it at Tesco! Do they have an adults only section I’m not aware of?”

Christian giggled. “Maybe not… but, well, now you know what I want for Christmas.”

Sai raised an eyebrow. “Noted. Now, take the squirty cream” — he pulled the cold canister out of the bag and handed it to Christian — “and I’ll be there in like two minutes.”

“Fine,” Christian replied, “but at two minutes and one second, I’m getting started without you.” He turned and walked toward their bedroom, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing onto the couch. Sai watched as Christian raised his arms, flexing his biceps in an obvious show for Sai, before popping through the doorway.

Sai turned and went into the kitchen, pulling out the rest of the bag’s contents. It only took about a minute to put it all together, and then he booked it for his bedroom.

Just as he got to the doorway, he heard the sound of the whipped cream can spraying.

“It hasn’t been two minutes yet!” he yelped, but stepping through the door with the item held out of sight behind his back, he found the shirtless Christian lying on their bed, spraying the whipped cream directly into his mouth.

“I wath a little hungry,” he said through the cream.

Sai rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, um, I have a very late birthday gift for you.”

Christian swallowed. “What? Really?”

“Sorry it’s not wrapped.” Sai held out the item to Christian.

It was a photograph frame, similar to the one he had given Sai on his birthday. Christian turned it over and was surprised to find a picture of he and Sai — the moment earlier that evening Christian bent Sai over and kissed on the field in celebration, like that famous photo of the sailor and the nurse in Times Square when World War II ended. Sai watched, pleased, as Christian’s eyes raked over the picture and his jaw dropped open.

“What… how?”

“Nick took that after we won tonight,” Sai explained. “I guess he was just taking shots of the celebration and then we went and did… that. Anyway, he showed me at the pub and I asked for a copy. And then I went to Tesco to print and frame it… thank goodness for their all-hours photo department.”

“I love it! This is amazing, babe,” Christian said, finally looking up at Sai, his eyes filled with tenderness. He swung his legs off the bed and stood. “I know just where to put it.”

Christian walked over to the dresser, where the photo he had given Sai of them in Year 7 sat. He placed the photo from them from that night right beside it. Two photos depicting two points on a very long but worthwhile journey.

As Sai looked at the two photos, Christian stepped over and pressed his front to Sai’s back, wrapping his arms around the slightly shorter man snugly. They breathed together as one, perfectly in sync.

“I’m so glad I found you,” Christian murmured into his ear, sending tingles down Sai’s spine and arms. “All those years ago… and then again this year. I love you so much.”

“God, Chris, I love you, too,” Sai said, turning his face and nuzzling against Christian for a moment before they connected their lips. What started off slow soon became more desperate, and finally Christian pulled back and turned Sai around to face him.

“Okay, enough mushy stuff,” Christian declared. “I need to know what sucking whipped cream off the dick of the big football star is like.” He tugged at the hem of Sai’s shirt until it was pulled over his head, then, with a quick visual check and approval from Sai, yanked his shorts and pants off. Sai’s half-hard co*ck sprung out and was immediately enveloped in the tight, wet heat of Christian’s mouth. Within moments, all the blood in Sai’s body rushed south, engorging his co*ck fully as Christian’s tongue wrapped around it. One of Sai’s knees buckled slightly, and Christian pulled off him with a moist pop before pushing him gently back a few steps.

The back of Sai’s knees connected with the mattress, and he collapsed into a sitting position. Christian kneeled down before him, looking up to make eye contact with Sai through his pretty lashes as he again took Sai into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and causing Sai to feel jolts of electricity that filled his limbs and made his head dip backward.

After a few minutes, Sai felt Christian pull off, panting. Then he heard a strange swishing sound and looked down to find Sai shaking the canister of squirty cream. He pointed the nozzle at the base of Sai’s dick before looking up. Sai nodded, bracing himself for cold, and Christian sprayed the white fluff all over his co*ck. Sai winced at the chill along his shaft, but within seconds he was once again ensconced firmly in the warmth of Christian’s mouth. Sai’s left arm shook at the conflicting sensations, and after just a few more minutes he felt his org*sm building deep below his belly.

He tapped Christian’s head in warning, but the blond man kept plowing away mercilessly at his co*ck, determined to seek his reward. Sai cried out as pleasure washed over him, leaning back on his hands and heaving through as he shot his load down Christian’s hungry throat. He swallowed every single drop, and kept licking Sai’s co*ck until he hissed at the sensitivity. Christian planted a kiss to the base of his co*ck, then just above the dark hairs there, then to his lower waist, working his way up past Sai’s belly button, up his stomach and chest, then to his neck, and finally to nibble on his ears.

“You are so f*cking beautiful, Sai,” Christian hummed into his year, making the hairs on Sai’s neck stand up and his already sensitive nipples harden. “So goddamn gorgeous.”

Sai grinned, and the hard poke of Christian’s co*ck into his thigh reminded him he still had work to do.

“Maybe, but now it’s my turn to worship you,” Sai said. He sat up, prompting Christian to move back into a standing position in front of the bed as well. Sai reached forward and grabbed his shorts, pulling them down and leaving Christian just in his blue briefs, with a massive wet spot where his leaking co*ck was trapped.

Sai mouthed his co*ck through the fabric for a few moments before yanking his briefs down as well, freeing Christian’s co*ck. Sai stood and guided Christian around the side of the bed, indicating he should lay down partially against the headboard. Christian did so, stripping his co*ck a few times as he watched Sai retrieve the squirty cream and settle between his legs. Sai shook the canister, then sprayed cream on each of Christian’s nipples and straight down his torso from his neck to the base of his rock hard co*ck.

“Gonna make you feel so good,” Sai mumbled before placing his mouth over the patch of cream atop Christian’s left nipple and sucking gently. Christian bucked beneath him at the sensation, smearing some of the whipped cream, but Sai couldn’t be arsed to care. He moved to Christian’s other nipple, getting a similar reaction, before he licked at Christian’s neck and then started following the line of cream down his chest and tummy. Sai stopped along the way to suck hard on a few spots, desiring to mark Christian but smart enough to do it somewhere it wouldn’t be seen by others the next day.

Finally, Sai reached Christian’s co*ck, and he licked a long stripe up the underside before taking the head into his mouth and tonguing it in a way he knew drove Christian wild. Above him, Christian writhed around on the bed, his hands grasping at the sheets beneath as he moaned in ecstasy. Sai loved that he had this power over Christian, this power no one else could have to make him see stars.

Knowing what Christian would like next, Sai raised one hand up in front of Christian’s face and extended his index and middle fingers. Looking up as he continued to suck his co*ck, Christian locked eyes with Sai as he moved his head to take his fingers into his mouth, sucking on them slightly as he coated them in saliva. Once Sai was sure his fingers were properly soaked, he pulled them out, prompting a little whine from Christian. He reached below, under Christian’s balls, along his perineum until they found purchase along the sensitive ring. Sai wasn’t going for real penetration tonight, but he’d learned that a little ass play was always welcome by Christian. The blond man yelped as Sai’s slick fingers ran along his puckered ring and his mouth moved to nearly deepthroat his co*ck.

Sai could sense Christian’s balls contracting up slightly toward his body, a sure sign that he was getting close. Sai focused and pushed the first joint of one finger inside Christian’s hole while he sank all the way down Christian’s shaft. Just as his nose hit the hair at the base of Christian’s co*ck, he felt his boyfriend begin convulsing, his finger being squeezed slightly by his contracting rim as his co*ck pulsed in his mouth. White hot ropes of cum shot down Sai’s throat, and he hungrily swallowed it all down. Waste not, want not.

Christian collapsed into a puddle as his yipping died down and his org*sm subsided. Sai pulled the tip of his finger out of Christian’s hole and pulled off his slightly softened co*ck with a slurp, pressing kisses to it a couple of times.

“Thank you,” Sai groaned, his voice gravelly from having a co*ck down his throat mere moments earlier.

“Thank me? Thank you!” Christian huffed out, trying to regain his breath. He lay before Sai, resplendent, little drops of sweat dampening the curled hair around his ears, his eyes glassy and his eyelids hanging low, his chest red and heaving, marks already forming in a couple of places. He was the most beautiful person Sai had ever seen.

“I’ll be right back, sunshine,” Sai muttered, pulling himself away from his post-org*smic Adonis. He popped into his en suite, running a washcloth under warm water. Returning to the bedroom, he saw Christian had melted further down the bed so that his head was on the pillows, clearly not going anywhere for the night. Sai switched off the light and joined him in bed, running the washcloth over his chest and stomach, then his spent co*ck and even down to his still-sensitive underside. Sai wiped the cloth over himself quickly before tossing it on the floor, a problem for morning Sai.

He folded his glasses up on the end table, plugged his phone in to charge and rolled onto his side, nuzzled against Christian’s warm body. Sai inhaled, taking in the scent of Christian’s musk mixed with the smells of sex and, humorously, dairy.

Sai again looked over toward the pictures of them on the dresser, remembering the fine details in his mind. One picture taken as they solidified their friendship, the other as they announced their relationship. Maybe someday there will be a third picture there, he imagined.

“I love you, Sai,” Christian whispered as he melted against him under the covers, warmth blooming between their skin.

“I could feel it, sunshine,” Sai purred, settling his head down against Christian’s chest, hearing his heart beating like a drum. “I love you.”

Chapter 20: Epilogue

Chapter Text

Otis stood in his kitchen, sorting through the post after not checking his box for a few days. A water bill, some junk, a mailer from Iceland. The frozen foods emporium, not the country; Otis only wished he could jet off for some time in a hot spring. Then a mysterious red envelope caught his eye.

There was no return address. Otis sliced it open and pulled out the card inside. It was an invitation to a nearby steakhouse for — he checked the date on his phone — tomorrow night.

“Come alone.”

Strange.

Otis looked around his kitchen, almost expecting to see hidden cameras or something. Was this it? Was he finally being recruited to MI6? He doubted it, since he traded in used catalytic converters for a living instead of doing, like, something cool. But hey, he could dream.

“What do you think it is?” Aoife asked as they dug into a curry later that night. “Surprise promotion? Secret society? Police sting?”

“What crime do you think I’ve committed that they’d feel the need to nab me at a place that serves filet mignon?” Otis replied.

“Speaking of crimes… it’s been far too long since you did that thing with your tongue,” Aoife said, running her foot up the inside of Otis’ left leg under the table.

Otis began shoveling the curry into his mouth quickly, cleaning his plate in about 15 seconds, and then stood, picked the giggling Aoife up and ran toward the bedroom.

The next evening, Otis entered Morley & Wainstrop steakhouse, wondering what kind of night he was in for. He turned to the hostess, checking the instructions on the card.

“I’m here for the… Sanders party?”

“Right this way, sir,” she said, leading him through the restaurant to a sliding door leading to a room in the back. So this was a private party, then. Intriguing.

The room was empty. Inside was a table with three place settings, menus at each.

“Would you like a drink while you wait, sir?” the hostess asked.

Otis was too confused to look at the menu. “Do you have… uh, any red wine recommendations?”

“We have a lovely malbec from Argentina, with notes of—”

“Sounds great,” he interrupted. Otis didn’t know jack about wine, aside from that you’re supposed to drink red with steak, which he assumed was on the menu.

“Excellent, your waiter will bring that shortly,” the hostess replied, stepping back and sliding the door shut again.

Otis walked around the table and sat in the seat facing the door, waiting. He fired off a quick picture of the room via text to Aoife, who just replied and asked him to bring her any leftovers, especially if he got the filet. Having glanced at the prices, Otis wasn’t sure he was going to spring for that.

The door slid open, but it wasn’t a waiter with a glass of wine.

“Tao Xu?” Otis exclaimed with shock in his voice and tumult on his face.

“Yes, ‘tis I, surprise,” Tao said, slinking over to the seat beside him. “Bet I was the last person you expected to see tonight.”

“Uh… pretty much.”

“Well then our third member is gonna blow your mind.”

Just then a waiter appeared with Otis’ malbec. Tao asked for one for himself.

“You don’t strike me as a fancy wine drinker,” Otis said, swirling the maroon liquid around his glass.

“Not usually, but when you’re not the one picking up the tab… and yes, I will be getting scallops tonight,” Tao said.

“Not picking up… what do you mean? Tao, what the hell is going on? Who is this third ‘member’? What are we members of?” Otis demanded.

“Calm down, I’m sure all will be explained in — ah.”

Tao turned to look at the door as it slid open to reveal a man around their age. He was tall, with dark skin, a pair of gold-rimmed aviator glasses and mid-length hair styled in twists. He looked familiar, but Otis couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Rowan, hello,” Tao said, standing and shaking his hand.

Rowan. He’s a musician. The Ark. Rowan… Omondi? Rowan Omondi just walked into this steakhouse? What the…

“And you must be our new member?” Rowan asked. “Otis Smith?”

Otis realized he’d been staring. He suddenly stood up, leaning over the table and offering his hand. “Otis. Hi.”

They shook hands, and all three men settled into their seats. The waiter appeared, with two more wine glasses and a bottle of the malbec that he left behind.

Otis simply watched as Rowan f*cking Omondi, one of the most famous people in the UK, unraveled his napkin and fluttered it across his lap, then poured himself a glass of wine and sipped it before looking back up and meeting Otis’ gaze. Rowan’s eyes darted over the Tao.

“Have you told him yet?”

“Nah. You do the honors.”

Rowan nodded and looked back at Otis.

“Otis Smith, welcome… to the Token Straight Society.”

Otis sat there blankly. He knew what all those words meant individually, but put together they weren’t making any sense or explaining why one of the world’s most famous musicians was holed up with him and Tao Xu in a steakhouse.

He apparently was comatose for too long, because an uneasy grin spread across Rowan’s face. “He is straight, right?” he said out of the side of his mouth toward Tao.

“I mean, I never technically asked —”

“Tao!”

“You tell me how to tactfully ask someone if they’re straight. Not possible!”

Otis threw up his hands to shush their extremely loud side conversation. “I’m straight! I’m straight! What the hell is this?”

Rowan placed both hands palm down on the table. “The Token Straight Society. Just a little club Tao and I formed when we both realized all our friends were queer and we were the — well, the token straights in the group.”

Otis obviously knew Tao was CupcakKe-esque, rolling with the LGBT. But Rowan Omondi?

“All your friends are queer, too?”

Rowan shot him a strange look. “Duh.” When Otis continued to look confused, Rowan’s face changed to one of realization.

“You really don’t know,” he said, some wonderment in his voice. “Wow. This is honestly extremely refreshing. My bandmates and best friends, Jimjam — er Jimmy — and Lister.” Otis nodded lightly, vaguely aware of Jimmy Kaga-Ricci and Allister Bird, the other two members of The Ark.

Rowan continued. “They’ve been together for a few years now. It’s been in, like, every paper, every Tumblr.”

Otis pretended he knew what Rowan was talking about. “Oh of course, right.”

“You really don’t know?” Rowan asked.

“Er — sorry,” Otis said sheepishly. “I obviously know who you are, but I don’t really follow The Ark. Though I’d have googled you if Tao had given me any kind of heads up! What was with the dramatic envelope, anyway?”

“I have a certain flair,” Tao said playfully.

“Actually, Otis, I think this is good,” Rowan said. “I talk to everyone about The Ark all the time. I’d love for the Token Straight Society to be a safe space.”

“About that,” Otis said. “I mean I don’t know that all my friends are queer —”

Tao counted off on his fingers. “Nick, bi. Christian, bi. Sai, pan. Imogen, pan.”

“I don’t have just four friends! What about, like, Kieran?”

“Kieran Mulrooney, from Truham? How often do you see him?”

Otis thought for a moment. “Like… once a year.”

“That’s not a friend, that’s a nostalgia buddy,” Tao replied.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Otis said. “How the hell did you meet Rowan Omondi?”

“Oh, funny story,” Tao said. “So it turns out Charlie and Lister Bird run in some of the same circles. Drum circles, that is. They met at some secret underground drum competition — don’t ask — and had been friendly for a few years. Then a while back Lister got us all some clutch backstage passes at one of The Ark’s shows in London.”

“Tao made a casual remark about he, too, was the only straight person in his friend group, and… I don’t know, we sort of casually bonded over that,” Rowan added.

Otis narrowed his eyes. “And what does this secret straight society… do?” He knew Tao would never be wrapped up in insane sh*t like men’s rights, but, well, a secret society of straight people had certain connotations.

“Oh, it’s just a silly name, don’t take it too seriously,” Tao said.

Rowan nodded. “Yeah, we’re obviously queer allies, feminists, etc. We just meet up occasionally — mostly when I have a hole in my schedule to be honest — to eat some nice food and talk about stuff that our queer friends don’t care about.”

Tao sipped his wine and made a gross face before continuing. “You know, films and telly often depict a friend group with one queer member, but it seems like it’s usually the other way around in real life — groups of queer friends, with only one or two straights to spice things up.”

“And now that Sai and Christian are together, I’m the last straight standing?” Otis asked.

“Bingo,” Tao said.

“And so now I get a free steak?”

“Yes, Rowan very kindly pays for these little outings.”

“Yeah,” Rowan nodded, “I’ve got a stupid amount of money, might as well blow it on some fine chateaubriand, you know what I mean?”

“Not really,” Otis said.

“Enough chitchat,” Rowad replied. “Otis, do you like sport?”

“I… yeah.”

“Football?”

“Yeah.”

“Rugby?”

“Yes."

“Curling?”

“Every four years during the Olympics.”

“This is great!” Rowan replied happily. “Tao’s clutch for talking about films but he doesn’t know jack about sport. He can’t even run. I saw it once, atrocious form.”

“Rude!” Tao yelped. “Just for that, I’m getting a lobster tail as well.”

“Knock yourself out, my man,” Rowan said. He poured himself more malbec, then raised his glass in a toast.

“Welcome, Otis, to the Token Straight Society!”